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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... in thinking my sister sends her son to bed too early?

191 replies

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 09:27

He's 10, nearly 11. Goes to bed 730pm week nights, 8pm weekends. She pretty much rules with an iron fist, v strict parenting.

I feel for him, he always looks sad when it's time for bed but never argues. I was there at the weekend. I didn't understand why he couldn't stay up and watch the 'family' shows with us - BGT and the like. Tried to fight his corner a little (not while he was there). Got nowhere.

I don't have kids (hope to soon though). I often babysit my other nieces, same age as nephew, they are allowed to stay up 'til ten on a weekend. I sometime let them stay up 'til eleven if we're watching a film

I know it's subjective and each parent to their own. Just wondering what others' opinions are?

OP posts:

coppertop · 14/05/2012 10:57

My 11yr-old goes up at around 8.30 and is allowed to read until he falls asleep.

I think if I suggested he should watch BGT he would be begging to go to bed at 7pm instead.

YABU. You can't possibly know how much sleep a particular child needs.

LadyofWinterfell · 14/05/2012 10:58

DS is in bed by 7 (2.7), DD2 by 7:30 (6.9) or she's a wailing pita the following day, DD1 7:30-8 ish (8.5). Weekdays and weekends barring club nights/family parties etc. It's generally a bit later in the summer too.

They currently share a room so reading isn't really an option, but they will have a room each by the end of the year and bedtime reading can be introduced! :o

bewitchedandbewildered · 14/05/2012 10:59

Yikes! I saw that as her empathising with the kid, which made her wonder about her sister sending the child to bed at that time, not as slagging her sister off. Guess we all view the world differently hey.

bewitchedandbewildered · 14/05/2012 10:59

My previous post was in reponse to callmeal btw

blueballoon79 · 14/05/2012 10:59

My DS aged 11 goes to bed at 8pm throughout the week but on a weekend we often stay up together until 10pm or 11pm and watch a film together and get a takeaway.
DD is 3 years old and is in bed by 7pm but can be later on a weekend, we just have a lie in on a w/e.
I don't think it's too bad going to bed at 7.30pm on week nights, he perhaps need more sleep to ensure he isn't tired at school, however I do think it's a little mean to not let him stay up later at weekends.

helloclitty · 14/05/2012 11:00

buy him a torch and some good books for his birthday

Original poster

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 11:07

Thanks bewitched, you perceived my post as it was intended :-) I expected a flaming from some posters though.

OP posts:

CremeEggThief · 14/05/2012 11:07

It's ridiculously early for a child of that age. But what do I know? One of the things I loved best about holidays in Spain when DS was a baby and toddler was taking him out with us for dinner until midnight or 1 a.m. :).

(For the record, he asked us to record the rest of BGT and decided to go to bed at 9.30 p.m. on Saturday night. I don't think he's inherited our owl tendencies!)

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 11:16

Our DSs (age 10 and 12) go to bed at 7.30 (lights out at 8.00) on week nights

'at 12???? are your children not allowed to play out or see friends? by 13 I was working part time most evenings...'

None of ds's friends are allowed at 8pm - he is not in the minority.

BobblyGussets · 14/05/2012 11:18

It is rubbish parenting and all about your sister's want of down time. I like a bit of downtime too, but there are nice calming, unobtrusive activities a boy of that age could do for an hour or two before bed. Eight thirty or nine would be fine for him. Mine have never gone before 8 unless exhausted even when 1 or 2 years old as DH wouldn't have seen them much, as he arrives home at 6pm. Ours just slept in longer, or I would let them have longer day time naps.
They know, if the want to stay up later than eight at the weekend, that they must not be "labour intensive" past that time .

I must admit my Mum did this to me (put us to bed ridiculously early), and although they were good parents in other ways, I still resent it. For my money (I am the eldest of four and nearly 40), if you like your down time Mum, don't have four children. Sorry for the hijack and bit of self therapy everyone. It really was shit looking at the daylight in the summer streaming through the curtains for what seemed like hours.

CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 11:20

happy OP, now strangers are calling your sister a rubbish parent?

CremeEggThief · 14/05/2012 11:20

I wonder if sometimes our children may actually be over-sleeping. For example, DS is in Year 4 and usually sleeps 8.30 or 9 p.m. until I wake him at 8 a.m., when he is often groggy. A couple of weeks ago, we went to the theatre on a school night and we didn't get in until after 10 p.m., so he probably was asleep by 10.30 p.m. The next morning, he woke up naturally and was bright eyed and bushy tailed at 7.30 a.m. This was the only morning this happened that week, but I've noticed a similar effect at weekends.

So, perhaps for DS, 9-9.5 hours sleep is better than 11-11.5. Obviously all children are different, but has anyone else noticed something similar?

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 11:21

Eight thirty or nine would be fine for him How on earth do you know?

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 11:23

I'm envious of people who have kids that don't need to be up before 8pm! As I said upthread ds is out of the house at not long after that.

BobblyGussets · 14/05/2012 11:25

I don't know Valium, but it had been stated that it is all about the sister's want of down time, rather than the needs of the child. That is why I said "8.30/9 would be fine for him", the would implying if he would be rested enough on that amount of sleep.

Original poster

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 11:27

CallMeAl - I don't think they are! They're commenting on one specific issue. I'm not taking it personally. They don't know her - they just know a small amount of information on one small parenting issue.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 11:30

Depends how vital down time is for the sister - if she is anything like me then it is as important as needing a good night's sleep. She hardly beating the kid is she? On Saturday ds watched BGT til about 8.30 then we recorded the rest, he was shattered after a really busy day and if I had let him stay up later then Sunday would've been awful as he turns into an argumentative little sod if he is tired.

IAmBooyhoo · 14/05/2012 11:34

"I don't know Valium, but it had been stated that it is all about the sister's want of down time, rather than the needs of the child. That is why I said "8.30/9 would be fine for him", the would implying if he would be rested enough on that amount of sleep"

that makes no sense at all!

CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 11:44

you don't think they are?
So you'd show her the comments like "It is rubbish parenting and all about your sister's want of down time" would you?

I'm betting not, and if I'm right you're bitching behind her back.

Sidge · 14/05/2012 11:54

I'd rather go to bed at 1930 than have to sit and watch BGT.

Original poster

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 11:55

CallMeAl - Am I right in thinking that many posters on MN discuss family members, friends etc and various situations and the idea isn't to show the thread in question to said family member/friend. It's an anonymous, impersonal discussion forum, yes?

I didn't realise there are rules in place to only discuss situations that apply to yourself and are completely non-judgmental?

I have no problems discussing anything openly with my DSis; however, I don't interfere in her parenting and therefore would NOT show her this thread. I just wondered what opinions there were on this issue. That's allowed isn't it - doesn't mean I'm a massive b*tch?

OP posts:

forevergreek · 14/05/2012 11:57

Most children need 10-12 hours min pe day depending upon age

It obviously also depends on wake time. At that age my children would need to get up by 6.45 latest as would have to be out house by 7.30 to take to school as I start work at 8. I also don't get home until 7, so yes it means there's not much time in the evenings before bed, but 8-8.30 would be very latest for them to get 10 hours decent sleep. Weekends flexible

CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 11:59

They are generally a bit more honest about it. Judging and whinging about family members is fine, just admit that you're doing it.
If you're comfortable to invite complete strangers to call your sister a bad parent, then at least own it.

hollie25 · 14/05/2012 12:01

It does seem a very early for a 10/11 year old. All are different as many have pointed out but the average 10 year old needs approx 10 hours sleep per day. So with the 8pm bedtime he would be up at 06:00am. Do they have lots of days out and hectic schedules on a weekend so they need to be up at this time?

Your sister maybe felt put on the spot ? don?t be surprised if she has a rethink.

Original poster

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 12:03

CallMeAl - Okay I was judging and whinging and I'm more than happy for strangers to call my DSis a bad parent.

OP posts:

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