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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... in thinking my sister sends her son to bed too early?

191 replies

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 09:27

He's 10, nearly 11. Goes to bed 730pm week nights, 8pm weekends. She pretty much rules with an iron fist, v strict parenting.

I feel for him, he always looks sad when it's time for bed but never argues. I was there at the weekend. I didn't understand why he couldn't stay up and watch the 'family' shows with us - BGT and the like. Tried to fight his corner a little (not while he was there). Got nowhere.

I don't have kids (hope to soon though). I often babysit my other nieces, same age as nephew, they are allowed to stay up 'til ten on a weekend. I sometime let them stay up 'til eleven if we're watching a film Blush

I know it's subjective and each parent to their own. Just wondering what others' opinions are?

OP posts:
Ithinkitsjustme · 14/05/2012 14:45

My middle 3 are 11, 12 and 13 and they all go bed at 8 on a school night (read for 1/2 hour). YABU, you don't have to deal with a stroppy, tired 11 year old the next day, or listen to teachers moaning about how tired they are. Not all children need the same amount of sleep as others, in fact my 11 year old copes better than my 13 year old, which is why they all go at the same time. I've heard plenty of teachers/ activity instructors stating that the children are too tired to function and learn to the best of their ability. Far better this way round than allowing him to stay up until all hours

Mrsrobertduvall · 14/05/2012 14:47

I don't think we have ever had a movie night.
But then, none of us really like films though we do watch Corrie en famille. Blush
Dd spends time in her room, ds watches sport with dh in the lounge, I stay in the kitchen in peace.

Mine are early risers...6.30 to 7 am even now they're teenagers.

Havingaminutespeace · 14/05/2012 14:50

Every child's different, and if you don't have kids yourself that'll explain why you don't know that.
I have an 8yr old, soon to be 9 year old. Someone in the thread (Eglu?) said that their 8, nearly 9 year old generally went no later than 9.30. If mine went to bed that late, he wouldn't be able to function properly the next day, he'd be that tired (and incredibly grumpy/nightmarish.)
He's in bed 7.30pm on school days at the latest, and 7.30pm on a weekend (occasionally 8pm but never any later.)
Whatever time he goes to bed, he's wide awake by 6am or earlier so it's pointless putting him to bed late as he'd be shattered.
My 4 year old on the other hand, takes absolute AGES to go to sleep and would quite happily stay up until 9pm if you let him!
As I say everyone's different, and she knows her child best, not you. She's not being strict at all, she knows what works.

CremeEggThief · 14/05/2012 14:52

Valium, not all of us were sent to bed early back in the day! I was allowed to stay up as late as I liked by 9 or 10. My mum was a complete night owl, so was much more relaxed even than I am. I used to love watching programmes like "Thirtysomething" and "Falcon Crest" at that age! My granny was even nicer, as she'd let me watch "Dynasty" with her from when I was 7 and 8!

This was 1980s Ireland.

pinkhebe · 14/05/2012 14:55

My 12 yr old goes up to bed at 8pm but can read until 9.30 or until I remember to tell him to go to sleep He'll sleep until 10 -11 in the mornings at the weekends so I don't think it's too early!

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 14:58

creme I was about 14 when 30 something was on. The OP is talking about a 10 year old.

Mrbojangles1 · 14/05/2012 15:00

CremeEggThief expect that's not what's on now it's gordie shore and keeping up with kardasions, big brother ECt falcon crest is very tame to whats on today

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 15:01

Just checked - I was 17, it didn't start til 1987!

thebody · 14/05/2012 15:02

In bed at 9.30!!! On weekend and 15????

R u on some sort of sect? Or r u in the waltons.

Mine arnt allowed to roam streets late but honestly 9.30 for a 15 year old?

Bonsoir · 14/05/2012 15:02

Nearly 11 and goes to bed at 7.30 pm and 8pm at the weekend? Crikey.

Tryharder · 14/05/2012 15:03

Agree with others who said that too early bedtimes are often for the benefit of parents not children!

Mrbojangles1 · 14/05/2012 15:04

thebody Biscuit

thebody · 14/05/2012 15:06

Valiumredhead.

Because op is sympathetic to her 11 year old nephew when all the family are around, it's sat night, and he is sent to bed at 8 pm.

I would say that's empathetic and mom sounds like a control freak.

Mrbojangles1 · 14/05/2012 15:07

I actally find very late bedtimes suite no one not the school who have to deal with a over tired child, not the child inevitably ends up watching things on tv far beyond their years and not the parent who never learns to get their child into routine

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 15:10

thebody that's your take on it - OR the sister knows her son well and knows he needs sleep.

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 15:10

Agree Mrbojangles

MissFaversham · 14/05/2012 15:10

This does seem unreasonable to me also. Maybe she needs to realise that the older the child gets the less strictly "adult" time the grown up's have in the evenings.

DS was in bed 8.30 and lights out at 9 at that age. He's 11 for Pete's sake not 7.

UANBU

milkysmum · 14/05/2012 15:10

seems early. my 3 year old stays up and watches BGT with us!!

robotcornysilk · 14/05/2012 15:12

I agree Mrbojangles - TV after 9p.m. can be inappropriate for children below 14/15

SarahStratton · 14/05/2012 15:15

Depends on the child IMO. DD2 voluntarily goes at 8.30pm, as if she goes any later she misses her 'sleep slot', and can't get off to sleep. She's 14, tbh I think most children don't get enough sleep these days.

thebody · 14/05/2012 15:18

We are discussing the WEEKEND not school nights ax that is different.
It's unusual IMO to send an 11 year old to bed at 8 pm on a sat night.

You don't have to watch tv or even a movie, we had games nights as well.

It's fun spending time with kids on sat night, eating pizza and pop and chilling. Why on earth would you treat week ends as week nights.

5madthings · 14/05/2012 15:19

and so what if it is for the parents benefit as well as the childs, my 12yr old is upstairs by 8ish he can read, listen to music etc, but he needs his sleep as he is crap in the mornings and actually i NEED my evenings, i have stuff to do and then i want to be able to chill out, watch prog that are not suitable for my children, or spend some time with dp etc. its perfectly reasonable for a parent to want some time to themselves.

and even if he goes to bed at 7:30 on a school night, he is home from school by 4pm? so thats still 3 and a half hours with his family and whatever time he has int he morning before he goes to school, seems reasonable enough and is what my children have, we walk home from school together and chat, we will sit and do reading and homework (rolls eyes) and they may help cook dinner, at dinner time we all sit around the table together and eat and chat, and at bedtime they all get time to chat and have a story etc if they want, they arent deprived of family time, but i do want them to be well rested so they are going to have energy for school and sports and clubs etc and because its healthy to have a decent amount of sleep! they are growing children so i think it is important that they are well rested.

Mrbojangles1 · 14/05/2012 15:20

The body you family idea of fun

Irrespective of the day you would have a grumpy,sulky child no matter how much pizza was on offer and would more likey be sick eating at that time of night

5madthings · 14/05/2012 15:21

actually on wkends sometimes my kids stay up later, but often not, esp if they have been out all day playing etc of they have a planned activity on the sat or the sunday they still need their sleep, if we have a movie night we start it early and as a treat we all sit and eat dinner in the sitting room ie a take away etc rather than at the table, so we eat whilst watching the film and depending on when we started i would still get them all in bed by 9ish as i want some time to unwind.

SarahStratton · 14/05/2012 15:22

Christ, Games Nights are my idea of living hell. Confused