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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... in thinking my sister sends her son to bed too early?

191 replies

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 09:27

He's 10, nearly 11. Goes to bed 730pm week nights, 8pm weekends. She pretty much rules with an iron fist, v strict parenting.

I feel for him, he always looks sad when it's time for bed but never argues. I was there at the weekend. I didn't understand why he couldn't stay up and watch the 'family' shows with us - BGT and the like. Tried to fight his corner a little (not while he was there). Got nowhere.

I don't have kids (hope to soon though). I often babysit my other nieces, same age as nephew, they are allowed to stay up 'til ten on a weekend. I sometime let them stay up 'til eleven if we're watching a film Blush

I know it's subjective and each parent to their own. Just wondering what others' opinions are?

OP posts:
thebody · 14/05/2012 15:25

No Sarah, u do it with wine!! I find I absolutely love my kids more and more after third glass.

DamselInDisgrace · 14/05/2012 15:25

My nearly 12 year old goes up to bed at 7.30. I let him read until 8.30 unless he's really exhausted. He doesn't stay up later at the weekend. He really needs his sleep. His dad let's him stay up stupidly late (and then sleep in loads in the morning) so he always come back home ratty and exhausted. He doesn't cope well without a lot of sleep. He went to sleep at 7.30 when he was 10.

SarahStratton · 14/05/2012 15:26

I'd need more than wine, I'd need a barrel of it.

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 15:28

Some kids are able to catch up the next night but other kids get thrown out of routine and then miss their 'sleep slot' as mentioned earlier.

Pizza and pop - no thanks, but we do have movie nights or watch stuff that we have recorded earlier in the week, it just doesn't go on til late. Fun doesn't have to mean late.

thebody · 14/05/2012 15:30

Oh no mr bo jangles

I have 4 Dcs and they are very seldom grumpy or sick.

Dd3 was recently badly injured in a crash so i guess we as a family are just do grateful we are a family of 6 still and not 5 we need to spend as much time together as we can.

CremeEggThief · 14/05/2012 15:33

I wasn't having a go, just pointing out some of us were allowed to stay up late back in the day and not everyone went to bed early. And I was 9 in 1987 when "Thirtysomething" started, so these were the programmes I was allowed to stay up and watch at that age, even on school nights. (I accept they're a lot tamer than some of the stuff on now, but I don't think I would let DS watch them, even if he were interested. But that wasn't really my point.)

JosieZ · 14/05/2012 15:36

I would send them early.
It depends on whether mother is night owl or lark. I'm a lark and kids went to bed early as I followed soon after. Then we'd be up earlyish cheery and not tired and grumpy.
I'm sure OP is up with the children when she stays over - 5am?/ 6am? as she appears to love their company Grin

fantasticfanjo · 14/05/2012 16:41

Why do some posters have a problem with Parents sending their Kids to bed early in order for them to have some "me time" ?

My life revolves around my kids 98 % of the time ,weekend daytimes are spent doing family fun stuff,but come 7.30 pm ITS MY TIME (except emergencies / illness) Me & OH put what WE want on the TV,open a bottle of wine and enjoy some uninterrupted space away from the DC's.

noddyholder · 14/05/2012 16:43

It is a bit early but not your business so not much you can do apart from drop hints etc anything else is just heavy handed and opinionated sadly

KatieScarlett2833 · 14/05/2012 16:52

Till recently, DS (15) went voluntarily to bed by 9:30pm.

At age 11 he was in bed by 8pm. His choice.

Just one of these kids that needed a lot of sleep, IMO.

Now, DD, on the other hand........ Grin

VivaLeBeaver · 14/05/2012 16:54

DD is just 11 and bedtime is 8pm. However she can read in bed for longer if she wishes. She is normally in and out her room till 8:30pm and then settles to read for a bit though sometimes will put her lights out straight away.

If its any later she is a right grump the next day and I figure if she's tired enough to be grumpy then she's tired enough for it to affect her schoolwork.

I remember being at secondary school and my bedtime was 8pm!

EssentialFattyAcid · 14/05/2012 16:59

She sounds like a good mother to me, OP
Lots of parents let their kids stay up late and the kids are tired at school the next day - which is poor parenting.

Not all kids will have a lie in at the weekend after a late night - some are still programmed to get up early no matter what and then just have a shit day because they are tired.

CrumpettyTree · 14/05/2012 17:02

YANBU. I feel sorry for him. It's too early for that age.

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 17:03

Yes of course it is crumpet because all kids are the same, aren't they? Hmm

lunamoon · 14/05/2012 17:14

I think itis very early.

supernannyisace · 14/05/2012 17:16

I think your sister is doing a good job. she must know how much slee;p her DS needs - after all she has been looking after him for 11 years!

My DS goes up to bed at 9 - he is 14. He doesn't go to sleep - he can read, watch a bit of tv or play on his laptop for an hour - max. If he is tired he will go to sleep before then. He has to beup at 6.30am to catch bus at 8 - so he needs the sleep.

I could sleep for 12 hours on a night if I had chance - so it isn't weird for us to have all the lights out, house locked up by 9pm. Me and DH will watch a programme in bed- orread for anhour.

DSS on the other hand are allowed to stay up very late. On a school night I think it is about 10.30/11 - they are 15 and 12. At a weekend if they are not with us there is no bedtime. So sometimes on a Saturday morning when they come to us - and they haven't gone to bed before 1pm it spoilstheir whole day as they have no energy and are grumpy and tired. So when we start gettign ready to go to bed - at little later on a Saturday eve - at about 9.30 -10 they resist as they don't want to go to bed at that time.

Sleep is very important.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 14/05/2012 17:20

Yes, it is very early. My year 6 dd has to be in bed for 9pm and I am sure she is about average amongst her peers.

Hulababy · 14/05/2012 17:21

Seems very early for the children of similar ages I know. But maybe he needs it? Does he fall asleep at that time? Does he wake up at a sensible hour?

DD turned 10y last month. On a school night she goes up between 8-9pm, lights out at 9pm. If no later finish clubs, etc then she usually heads up around 8 to read for an hour.

But DD is a night owl through preference. If she went up at 7:30pm she still wouldn't sleep til 9pm.

Hulababy · 14/05/2012 17:22

Oh, and weekends we are very flexible - can be far different to normal routines. Depnds what we are doing.

5madthings · 14/05/2012 17:28

i dont know any 6yr olds that go to bed at 9pm!! i would consider that late for a 6 yr old.

5madthings · 14/05/2012 17:29

oh you said YR 6 not age 6! well i have a yr 8 son and he is up in bed by 8-8:30ish and can then read etc but i want some time to tidy up, chill out etc, plenty of kids his age go up to their rooms at a similar time.

dollydoops · 14/05/2012 18:13

Children are all different. My DSD is 17 and she will often take herself off to bed much earlier than I did at that age- in fact last night she went up just before 9. She is an early riser, gets herself up for school and although she doesn't leave the house till 8, will usually be up by 6.30. What I would say is that maybe if OP's nephew looks 'sad' about going to bed, he is now of an age when he can be consulted a little bit more and given more say over his bedtime.

funkybuddah · 14/05/2012 18:54

MY ds is almost 11, 8:30 in the week (reads for an hour usually) weekends 9/9:30 or whenever film we are watching ends.

His scout group doesn't let out until 9pm so he can't have a v early bedtime.

My 4 yr old goes to bed at 7/7:30 it seems a little early for a kid of his age.

PeggyCarter · 14/05/2012 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ColinFirthsGirth · 14/05/2012 19:57

I can not believe how some parents on this thread are saying "poor child" and "that is too early." It is up to his parents, not anyone else! Not one of us can possibly know her reasons for doing it and they may well be very good ones.

My son is nearly 11 but is almost always in bed, lights out before 7.30 and at the weekend no later than 8. How dare anyone judge that as being too early when they don't know him (or the child in question in the OP) My son absolutely needs to go to bed early - he is very small for his age and has loads of energy in the day and is non stop from the minute he gets up. If he doesn 't go to bed this early, it is difficult to get him out of bed in the morning, he doesn't eat his breakfast very well and he gets naggy. He also finds it harder to concentrate at school. My 8 year old daughter also goes to bed early and she needs this much sleep as well.

Their teachers both have issues with kids that go to bed too late and are tired in the day. There has been a fair amount of research in relation to children and sleep. Research has found that quite a number of children in this country are chronically sleep deprived, their parents often think that they are having enough sleep when they aren't. Research has also shown that going to bed later at the weekend has an impact on cognitive function.

I am not denying that I like the peace once they go to bed however they go to bed early because they need to and not because I need them to.

By the way, I am most certainly not a control freak! I do however think that every child is different so I think it is a sweeping statement to say that 7.30 is too early when we don't even know the child.