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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... in thinking my sister sends her son to bed too early?

191 replies

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 09:27

He's 10, nearly 11. Goes to bed 730pm week nights, 8pm weekends. She pretty much rules with an iron fist, v strict parenting.

I feel for him, he always looks sad when it's time for bed but never argues. I was there at the weekend. I didn't understand why he couldn't stay up and watch the 'family' shows with us - BGT and the like. Tried to fight his corner a little (not while he was there). Got nowhere.

I don't have kids (hope to soon though). I often babysit my other nieces, same age as nephew, they are allowed to stay up 'til ten on a weekend. I sometime let them stay up 'til eleven if we're watching a film

I know it's subjective and each parent to their own. Just wondering what others' opinions are?

OP posts:

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 14/05/2012 09:48

x-posted.
i genuinely hope to keep my kids' bed-time as early as poss for as long as poss. the people i know whose children habitually go to bed late look so cross all the time...

squeakytoy · 14/05/2012 09:49

I dont know about "adult time".. it sounds like the kid rarely gets any family time if he is shunted off to bed so early.

Eglu · 14/05/2012 09:49

DS1 is 8, almost 9 and goes to bed at 8pm on a school night. We don't have a set bedtime on a weekend but generally no later than 9.30.

bewitchedandbewildered · 14/05/2012 09:50

My ex and his partner were that strict with my youngest son. Even took the child's bedroom door off and took the light bulb out of his room to make sure he goes to bed/sleep at 8pm every evening come rain or shine. No surprise the kid retaliated and now at the age of 12 has nothing more to do with his father.

ivykaty44 · 14/05/2012 09:50

Possibly there is a better behaved dc if he goes to bed at the bed time set.

Op does he go to sleep when sent to bed or does he read under the covers?
Op what time does he get up in the morning?

redskyatnight · 14/05/2012 09:52

My parents were the same when I was this age. I had no say in the matter and wasn't even allowed to read (though I did under the covers with a torch). The main reason (that I could see) was that it suited them and they weren't interested in what suited me. They used to say that it was because they had to treat all their children the same - frankly ridiculous to insist a 11/12 year old should go to bed at the same time as her 6 year old brother in the interest of "fairness".

FioFio · 14/05/2012 09:52

mine go to bed that early. I don't see the problem

they are a nightmare if they go any later

squeakytoy · 14/05/2012 09:54

My mums best friend was the strict parent who didnt allow her child to stay up, play out, cross a road, get dirty.. he was a miserable child who had very few friends, and left home at the earliest opportunity to get away from her. She is now a lonely old lady who rarely sees her grandchildren.

cory · 14/05/2012 09:54

But Aitch, surely by the time he is 11 he needs to be learning to deal with other people's need for privacy in a better manner than just being sent to bed? This to me seems like treating him as a baby (and yes, I have an 11yo).
When is she going to learn to cope with him around in the evenings? Will he still have to go to bed at 7.30 when he's 17?

ImBetterThanYou · 14/05/2012 09:54

Maybe he needs the extra sleep? My DS goes to bed at 7pm, fair enough he's only 5yrs old but when he's stayed at relatives houses and they've kept him up a bit later saying it's fine he can have long lie the next day he doesn't, but instead wakes up at his usual time and has a horrible day the next day because he is argumentative, moody, defiant, etc, all because someone who isn't there 24/7 decided to overrule my decision as a parent because they felt sorry for him and thought they knew better.

Original poster

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 09:55

Aitch, I do have some idea My DB is a single parent, two DDs. They stay with me two days/nights a week (due to his work)

OP posts:

DeWe · 14/05/2012 09:57

My dd1 is 11yo and goes up at 8, and reads until 9. She needs her sleep. She doesn't need to get up until 7:30am too. Her little sister (age 8) needs less sleep than her and has done pretty much since babyhood.

I'd agree with most kids look sad at badtime even if they're exhausted and really quite looking forward to bed.

FioFio · 14/05/2012 09:59

mine are the same dewe, they read in bed but we need our space so it's up the wooden hill for them i am afraid

bakingaddict · 14/05/2012 10:01

It's agree with the other posts, it's very early for an 11yr old.....what if you had guests or family over for a nice weekend dinner, surely a 11yr old should be allowed to engage in some adult conversation.

Even if it's a quiet weekend on your own, surely it's nice to watch a suitable DVD together as a family or play some board games till they went to bed at a more realistic time off 9.30-10pm. It seems a little Victorian in philosophy to me that the kids are packed off so early.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 14/05/2012 10:06

i honestly don't care what this woman does with her child, i'm just proposing that it might be that the sister needs downtime herself. and it will do a kid (even one as aged as eleven) no harm whatsoever to read some books rather than watch BGT.

vess · 14/05/2012 10:08

Very selfish of her IMO. She could at least let him read or play in his room for longer than half an hour.

squeakytoy · 14/05/2012 10:09

Is he allowed to read though? Or is he lying awake in bed listening to voices of people downstairs, wondering why he is banished.

If you have kids, as they grow up you get less "adult time", so you get a babysitter, or you let your child grow up with you and learn how to behave in a social situation with adults.

lumbago · 14/05/2012 10:10

too early

Original poster

shoegal34 · 14/05/2012 10:10

He is allowed to read for half an hour on a weekend...

OP posts:

halcyondays · 14/05/2012 10:11

I'm sure the parents that let their 10/11 year olds stay up past 7.30/8.00 need their downtime as well. It's unlikely that a child of that age needs to go so early to get enough sleep, as children get older they need less sleep, unfortunately!

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 14/05/2012 10:12

lol... she might need more downtime than you, why's that so unreasonable? this is waaaaaaaaay down on the list of Damaging Things To Do To Your Child.

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 10:15

Well all this week ds 10 will be going up at 7.30 and reading til 8pm. He is unbearable when he is tired and we have had a busy weekend and it's Sats week at school.

Usually he goes up at 8pm to read until he is tired. Weekends - rarely past 9pm.

Shoot me!

UniS · 14/05/2012 10:16

if DS is as needy of sleep then as now, then yes, he will have a 7.30 bedtime except on nights he's at sports training.
Currently he is age 6 and has a 7pm bedtime, has to be woken 12.5 hours later, at the weekend he sleeps 13-14 hours. At 11 he will be needing to be at the bus stop by 8.15 so will need to get up earlier than now.

valiumredhead · 14/05/2012 10:18

Uni my ds is out of the house at 8.10am too - early start means early bed in this house!

CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 10:19

Is there anything at all some women won't judge others on? Christ almighty, do you have to have an opinion on everything?

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