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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think most men want a skinny woman

314 replies

theuglymate · 26/02/2012 15:32

I go out with my friend occasionally and I can't think of a time when she doesn't have a crowd of men around her. We are similar age, height, I am no oil painting but not completely hideous either. The main difference is that she is a size 10 and I am a size 14. I always feel like that fat ugly mate and it is soul destroying.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 26/02/2012 15:34

Firstly, you are not fat. Size 14 is absolutely not fat.

Generally speaking though, I want to say YABU, but I've been the size 22 friend in the past, and I know that YANBU.

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2012 15:35

Don't be silly, your OP says more about your lack of self esteem than anything else.

Maybe it's that which makes blokes not flock to you?

The amount of people there are in the world is the same as the amount of preferences for what type of person they'd go for.

Nowt to do with weight.

Lifeissweet · 26/02/2012 15:35

I have to say that, in general, as someone who is usually a 12/14 (but bigger at mo as just given birth) No. I have certainly not found that to be the case.

Your friend is probably attractive in a different way. Maybe she gives off self-confidence and happiness? That is more of an attractive factor that size any day.

GoingForGoalWeight · 26/02/2012 15:39

I'm confident poerson and at size 14 got guys interested in me and size 28. More guys at size 14, in club/pub.

mayorquimby · 26/02/2012 15:40

I do anyway. but I'm sure others will say different strokes etc.

oiwheresthecoffee · 26/02/2012 15:43

Well im reeeally thin and i dont get anywhere near that much attention. Sadly. So er maybe YABU ?

oiwheresthecoffee · 26/02/2012 15:44

Er not bragging thin, like skinny as in a boyish figure thin btw...

oiwheresthecoffee · 26/02/2012 15:44

I sometimes wonder if a set of boobs might do the trick though. And size 14 is NOT fat !

oikopolis · 26/02/2012 15:52

i used to think that... i was a size 6 when i met my dh.

now i'm hovering closer to 12 and he is over the MOON and wanting me to double up on the pies whenever possible. turns out my skinniness sort of worried him and he used to find my v bony to cuddle! lol! he turns his nose up at the Victoria's Secret girls etc saying they look like boys with boobs.

size 14 is not fat and my DH would probably think you have a lovely figure. it's in the eye of the beholder. confidence is beautiful, not size per se.

there are a lot of blokes who like non-stick-thin women, just like lots of women like skinny/bigger men (rather than muscle bound beefcakes)

raspberrytipple · 26/02/2012 15:52

I agree with agent. Different men love and look for different things. Most men however when they are out will be more attracted to someone with some confidence who also looks like they are having a good time and can have a laugh? Size 14 is not overweight. If you are size 14 you probably have a figure most girls would be jealous of, ie curvy hips and nice boobs!! All bodies are beautiful and anyone who makes you feel different is a loser :)

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 15:52

I think a lot of people (male and female) prefer slim (not skinny) to fat.

That said, it's much more to do with personality and self confidence I think.

Whether size 14 makes you 'fat' or not will depend on your height and frame.

I'm 5ft 3 with a small frame and if I ever got to a size 14, I would most definitely be fat.

My friend however, is 5ft 8 with a medium frame and at size 14 she most certainly isn't fat (think Holly Willoughby type figure)

MiladyGardenia · 26/02/2012 15:52

Nope, nothing to do with being thin. It's all about how you feel about yourself. A happy, self-confident person is always attractive to others, regardless of size.

MuckyStudent · 26/02/2012 15:55

I think men do prefer skinny girls. We're only kidding ourselves by saying men like fatties.
However, size 14 is not fat.

wordfactory · 26/02/2012 15:57

No.
Men want happy, sexy, fun women who enjoy life and their relationships.
Many women are not these things and it has nothing to do with their body mass.
Women who are these things will always have men chasing them whateve their size.

gordyslovesheep · 26/02/2012 16:00

good lord - poor men - I suspect men are quiet similar to women and actually like people for more than their body shape - you know - possibly like women for their brains, humour, warmth and ability to make them laugh etc

as for your mate - she probably exudes self confidence and an aura of being happy - nowt to do with her size

I have been a 0,4,6,8,10,12,16 and 20 - I can't say I noticed a huge difference in my ability to chat with the opposite sex (NB I would chat to then not sit and wait for them to talk to me - which helps)

wordfactory · 26/02/2012 16:02

mucky I think some guys do like large ladies.
A friend of mine (who is relatively slender himself) loves larger women. Where he is from the term 'fattie' is interchangable with 'sexy'.

Original poster
theuglymate · 26/02/2012 16:05

Hmm, I am nodding along to everyone.

I do enjoy myself when we go out and I am chatty and friendly and more than happy to strike up a conversation with anyone. It's not like it even gets to the stage where they might prefer her personality to mine, they are clearly going on looks alone.

You are right though, I am not confident. Most people seem happy to talk to me, but it is clear that they don't find me attractive in anyway. Maybe I am uglier than I thought?

OP posts:
Lifeissweet · 26/02/2012 16:07

The OP isn't talking about 'fat' vs 'skinny' though is she? She's asking about a size 14 vs a size 10. Neither are skinny nor fat. They are both normal body sizes (if average height). I really don't think men discriminate this much.

Frankly, if a man wanted me to be a size 10 I would not find him attractive anyway. My DP loves the fact that I love my food and don't obsess about my weight in the way some of his thinner ex-girlfriends have.

ithaka · 26/02/2012 16:08

Very wealthy successful attractive men - like film stars - who could have any woman they wanted do seem to choose very slim women Therefore, given the choice I think most men prefer slim women.

However, most men accept they are not Brad Pitt and are grateful for attention from any half decent looking female.

ninah · 26/02/2012 16:09

I think the pressure to be skinny comes more from other women in a way, as clothes are easier to wear well and we tend to judge each other's appearances

susiedaisy · 26/02/2012 16:09

I think personality has alot to do with it I have a friend who is a size 22 but is a bubbly fun loving girl with an infectious laugh and when we go out she is always without fail has at least 2 men trying to buy her drinks offering phone numbers etc but she has a great personality and is an open book who can chat to anyone she has been happily married for twenty years but has never been short of admirers !!

LovedayPan · 26/02/2012 16:10

man here - no t o'preferring skinny women'. as above like confident intelligent chatty sexy women. Extremes of the weight spectrum either end will be off putting.

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2012 16:10

'I think men do prefer skinny girls. We're only kidding ourselves by saying men like fatties. '

I would hope that men prefer women to girls.

And calling people fatties belongs in the playground.

Shouldn't you be doing your homework for tomorrow Mucky?

Lifeissweet · 26/02/2012 16:11

I am interested why you think this is about size at all, OP. It could be about any number of factors. Why focus on your differences in size?

Do you make eye contact with people? Some people are just better at giving out subtle languages via their body language. If you look standoffish people won't approach you. You may be intimidating because you look too self-assured - you don't know what it going through other people's minds when they look at you.

Ilovedaintynuts · 26/02/2012 16:11

Rubbish. You are obviously less attractive than your friend for other reasons - face, confidence, boobs, style etc.
I think most men prefer 'slim' women but I think most wouldn't dicriminate between 10 to 14.