to think most men want a skinny woman

[theuglymate]

I go out with my friend occasionally and I can't think of a time when she doesn't have a crowd of men around her. We are similar age, height, I am no oil painting but not completely hideous either. The main difference is that she is a size 10 and I am a size 14. I always feel like that fat ugly mate and it is soul destroying.

Generally, I think you're right. I've been a size 6 and a size 14. However, I've never attracted much attention so being slim doesn't automatically attract attention. I think big boobs are (sadly) and a pretty face are what most men want. Everything else is secondary.

Riiighttttt

theuglymate, I'm going to take you to one side and give you a good ol' slapping, cos you aren't 'theuglymate'. You are 'theunconfidentmatewhoisslightlyinsecureandneedsabigconfidenceboost'. Not sure MN will allow you to change your name to that though.

As for your size. Someone else has pointed out of the thread, that your size affects how big size 14 would be on your frame. Even if you and your mate are the same height, you could still both look great too. It depends on your build.

As for whether most blokes prefer skinny women. I don't believe its true in the slightest. A DH has a thing for petite brunettes. One of my ex's had a thing for tall blondes. One of his mates really didn't care what size a girl was as long as she had "massive norks" (sorry). Another mate won't go near a girl who is smaller than a size 12 - he didn't like skinny girls. DH has been telling me about a guy he was drinking with last night, who bitterly regrets not having a relationship with a girl, who just happened to be a size 14, because although she wasn't what he normally went for but she was the most amazing girl he ever met.

Every bloke I know really likes something different in women, and I can honestly say they all have different tastes overall. They might fancy the same celebs but RL girls completely different. The one thing they all agree on was they didn't like girls who lacked confidence or were obsessed with their weight.

I take it your friend is happy to start conversations with men, or she makes lots of eye contact. Is this something you do, or do you follow your mate around a bit.

I know plenty of girls who are size 14 plus who always have attention. I can remember going out with them and getting upset and feeling ugly because I got none - and I'm much smaller than them. But they were bright, bubbly, fun loving and fun to be around.

You need to look in the mirror again. Have a large shot, pretend you are your mate and copy her actions and confidence rather than think its about the way you look.

I would put money on you being a really attractive woman. I find it difficult to give compliments to girls bigger than me, not because I don't mean it, but because they seem to think that I can't possibly look at them and say "wow you look amazing, I wish I looked as good as you" and be sincere, when I am because they are so huge up on size.

You need to change your attitude not your dress size.

Yanbu, I think men are much more visual than us women and a lot of men would prefer a slimmer figure.

I'm currently internet dating and I have been surprised with how many men actually put a specific weight range of what they are looking for in a woman on their profiles, slender being very popular.

First of all, a size 14 is not fat. A little bigger than the 'norm' but not fat. I've always been the fat friend. I'm a size 16/18. I've also had no trouble with men. My aunt once said ?For a fat girl you have very attractive boyfriends? .

YANBU. Men do prefer slim women. They like their woman slim but curvy and obviously a lot of women aren't. They would prefer to see a slim woman than a fat woman. There are men who prefer bigger ladies who won't admit it and men who will admit it but it's all personal preference. In my experience men want to be seen with the pretty slim girl but want to sleep with a pretty larger girl.

YABU to say most men want a "skinny" woman, yes. "Skinny" is not a particularly nice term.

As for your size. Someone else has pointed out of the thread, that your size affects how big size 14 would be on your frame. Even if you and your mate are the same height, you could still both look great too. It depends on your build

That's exactly it.

I really don't understand why so many people have said 'size 14 isn't fat'

Size 14 is a clothes size and therefore can neither be fat nor thin.

However the person wearing it, can be either of those things depending on their body/height/frame.

I was fat at size 10 a few years ago because I stopped exercising and grew a huge wobbly belly. I still fitted into my size 10 clothes, my BMI was still exactly in the middle of what it should be....but I was still fat until I got rid of my belly.

Maybe not skinny, slim certainly, that being said some women can look good slightly larger (within reason).

But 'men' is a large group you will find there is no general rule to what 'men' like.

I am 5' 7" so I probably look fairly average build. I have been very skinny before I had kids but those days are gone now.

I do make conversation with people, male and female, I'm very friendly honestly. I'm not particularly interested in finding a partner, so I don't think I can be coming on too strong. My friend is probably better at flirting than me, but I am talking about before we even open our mouths. Maybe she has come to bed eyes and i haven't noticed lol

I think the term 'fat' has changed over the years too. I was watching an Agatha Christie film where a wife was telling her husband that he'd got 'sleek and fat'... he was a normal weight, slim man. Obviously body shapes were different then but it's indicative that 'fat' nowadays refers to a much larger size whereas perception of slimness really hasn't changed that much and is still the most desireable.

I think it's less about size and far more about shape.

When I get to a size 14 I have no shape to speak of but at a size 8/10 my legs are slim and toned, I have a defined waist and enough of a bust.

Our society praises women for being skinny so yesI think by and large men flock to skinny women regardless if there actually attractive or not, IME.

"Most men?" I doubt it.
I was over a friend's figure a while back and dh was appalled. "Ugh," he said. "Far too skinny." She's a size 10.

Maybe she has come to bed eyes and i haven't noticed lol

Don't underestimate what a difference making eye contact makes. Guys are more likely to come over in the first place if you deliberately catch their eye.

Flirting will make a difference to as she's saying 'hey i'm interested'. From what you've just posted you aren't giving out that message.

Really nothing to do with your dress size.

I think most men like slim women but are terrified to say so! Most men I know do but they only admit it after a few beers. My dp luckily doesn't mind!

If most men like slim women do "Most women" also like men of a particular body shape?

Men fall in love with what they see, women fall in love with what they hear.

Darling it's all about hip to waist ratio, men like a small waist whether you're a 10 or a 14.

If your waist is not very noticeable, you can fake it by putting on a nice belt over a dress type thing. Maybe it's what you're both wearing that's the difference. Hair too? What's your hair like? What's hers like?

Is she better at makeup, fashion, hair? It's all about 'the illusion', don't be disheartened.

I also believe most men like slim-ish women - not skinny (my dh hates skinny) - but not really overweight.

I'm 5'2 and a size 10 so on the big side of slim for my height!

I think husbands/partners would make a grave error in declaring a preference for any body type that their partner is not. Fortunately, most have the sense to keep quiet or say the right thing.

Ten years ago i went from a size 28 down to a size 14 (in some shops i could get into a large 12) It took me two years to lose ten stone. im 5 foot 5 and at a size 14 i looked curvy rather than big and got a lot of attention from men.
I have been in a sexless marriage for 16 years and after losing the weight had a long term affair.
DH also became disabled during this time.(this is the short version cos i dont want to derail this thread) so in this time i have comfort ate and gone back up to a size 20/22. Ive been back to Slimming World a few times since and i always end up losing a stone then getting scared in case i end up having another affair. Then i stop going to class and gain it all back.
I guess im saying that when people see a larger person walking down the street they only see the size. They dont see whats going on behind it.
Now im making the last ditch attempt to lose weight again simply because i feel uncomfortable and i want to be a bit fitter.
If it causes any personal problems i will have to cross that bridge when i come to it i guess.

There was an article in Red magazine last year about this called Scared of Slim. It resonated with me so much that i kept the article.
See the thing is it can be quite depressing getting attention from men because it reminds me of something i dont have at home.

I truely can not believe the crap some women believe - seriously *men fall in love whith what they see' - they are that shallow ... doubt it - men fall in love for the exact same reasons women do

I am reading a fair bit of self loathing and internalising of negative imagery about women (see The Daily Mail)

goodness I find it sad I realy do

the one man to post here has been completely ignored or it has been infered that men who think like him are lying ... women - get a grip!

Are they shallow or just wired up differently? Men are more visual, there is not point in denying it.

Carernotasaint, that's some tough shit you've had to deal with. I hope you're ok?

OP, you're probably just being sensitive because your friend is more confident than you are and THAT is what people will notice. If you're hunched up in the corner with a G&T waiting for the ground to open and swallow you up then blokes won't notice you as much or be worried to approach you as you're giving off the wrong sorts of body language.

I'm a size 14 just now and 10 years ago I was bigger than I am now (as well as blond!) and I would get chatted up every time I went out. I look at the photos of myself and chuckle because a.) I looked like a COMPLETE chav and b.) I'm so pale you'd think I were a vampire. Anyway that aside I was a good 16 then but I was very confident with my size and shape.

Interestingly enough my shape has changed a lot. 3 kids you'd expect it to but my arms are definitely bigger now and I'm a stone lighter...since when did baby fat only collect in your arms? Weird.

yes but falling in love is not the same as fancying - do men really marry horrible bad tempered or dull women because they have a 22" waist ?

No they do not

I get more attention now than I every did at a size 4 - because I look good and feel good and don't stress over every thing I eat 24/7