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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think most men want a skinny woman

314 replies

theuglymate · 26/02/2012 15:32

I go out with my friend occasionally and I can't think of a time when she doesn't have a crowd of men around her. We are similar age, height, I am no oil painting but not completely hideous either. The main difference is that she is a size 10 and I am a size 14. I always feel like that fat ugly mate and it is soul destroying.

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 26/02/2012 20:10

It really, really depends where you are and who your friends are and where you go out.

When I was younger my friends and I were pretty skinny and wore whatever we liked. And men were all over the shop.

But there was no way we would find ourselves in some mainstream club in Liverpool with cheesy men looking for boobs and skimp. Simply because we chose the right places in order to avoid them.

So all these things people are saying men don't want, I can't see it.

But I do agree it's the confidence that helps.

Original poster
theuglymate · 26/02/2012 20:16

Hmm she was was wearing a dress and i was wearing black skinny jeans and a long black top. I wasn't expecting to go to a club, I live in jeans and my friend does normally wear a dress.

We were in London for the evening, I don't think I have ever been on a night out in London before, so I had no idea what to expect. I am more used to sitting in a country pub with all the locals who are mostly over 60 lol.

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 26/02/2012 20:20

You are not fat and she is not skinny, BTW

M1ssBerta · 26/02/2012 20:29

If being slim means you're totally joyless, pick at your delicious dinner in front of you and you know, obsess over yourself then no, that's not a good look really. I'm a 14 but when I tell people they don't always believe me, anyways..a 14, it's hardly Hattie Jacques, incidentally, wasn't she just fabulous?!! Confidence, beauty and men falling at her feet.

AnaisB · 26/02/2012 20:29

The men I've asked like a healthy weight - not fat or skinny. Size 14 may or may not be fat and size 10 may or may not be skinny. It would depend on your frame. Very thin bodies, as seen on the catwalks (and TV, magazines etc), does not seem to be not most men's ideal.

OriginalJamie · 26/02/2012 20:39

M1ssBerta - Oh yes, being slim often means that.

Tempted to give you a Hmm sign but I won't because that would be rude.

ComposHat · 26/02/2012 20:41

Men are hardwired to look for a healthy mate. Lean (normally) = healthy

I think people who are attributing this to biological determinism are way wide of the mark.

'Thin = attractive' is cultural construct specific to our time and place. It wan't always thus and will not be so forever.

Indeed for men of my grandparents' generation a fat wife was highly desirable as it demonstrated what a good provider you were.

M1ssBerta · 26/02/2012 20:55

My DH married a very slim size 8, can't say I got any more or less attention than I do now. I'm more confident now (and my boobs are waay bigger!)

Take your hmmm-s elsewhere originaljamie Smile - I'm not wrong!

ArielNonBio · 26/02/2012 20:58

If being slim means you're totally joyless, pick at your delicious dinner in front of you and you know, obsess over yourself then no, that's not a good look really. I'm a 14 but when I tell people they don't always believe me, anyways..a 14, it's hardly Hattie Jacques, incidentally, wasn't she just fabulous?!! Confidence, beauty and men falling at her feet.

M1ssBeta, many "skinny" (do you mean slim?) women would be rather offended by that description of them. I don't actually know any slim women who act like that. It's a bit of a Hollywood thing I think.

Personally I think Hattie Jacques was unheathily overweight.

OriginalJamie · 26/02/2012 20:59

M1ssBerta - can't dispute your own experience, of course. I am sure you are very attractive, I have no problem believing someone who is size 14 is attractive.

I just find the assumptions you seem to imply about slim people a bit sweeping

Anyhoo - hate to break it to all of us, but a size 10 now was at least a 12, 20 years ago, due to Vanity Sizing....

M1ssBerta · 26/02/2012 21:01

Oh dear. IF you're like that then it's a bore.

Didn't make it that clear, obvs!

M1ssBerta · 26/02/2012 21:03

Hate to be picky, ariel -wasn't me with the 'Skinny' comment. I always use slim. Because I was ultra slim until children!

OriginalJamie · 26/02/2012 21:03

No. Thanks for the clarification.

M1ssBerta · 26/02/2012 21:05

Welcome!

cherrytopping · 26/02/2012 21:09

in fairness M1ssBerta, if you are a larger woman, constantly picking at your food as you are on a diet its pretty much the same thing. I think joyless and having issues with food are not particularly size dependant...

painauchoc · 26/02/2012 21:10

I think you're right - personal experience tells me that anyway. I was a 12/14 in teens/v early 20s and am two sizes smaller in my 30s. I eat what I like (within reason) and never obsess about food, so not sure what happened. I'm not skinny either. But it seems obvious to me that I am more attractive to men now than I was when I was younger and heavier. For some people (me among them) extra weight spoils your face and some people are lucky enough to have beautiful faces no matter how much they weigh. I think that makes a difference. But I am talking about instant attraction rather than what makes for a lasting relationship obviously where what's inside is far more important!

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 26/02/2012 21:15

I have to disagree with the title of the thread.

SOME men want a skinny woman. Some men want a fat woman. MOST men want Ms Average. They may be initially attracted to a slimmer woman, but I really think most men like something to grab hold of and don't want to go for dinner with a Chip-Nicker.

There may well be something else attracting more men to your friend than to you?

scottishmummy · 26/02/2012 21:16

maybe your low self confidence,and expectation of being the overlooked pal affect your overall mood or interaction

and mate who's not body conscious comes across happier

people are generally attracted by deeamour,personality and looks

ArielNonBio · 26/02/2012 21:18

Ah. Well. That's alright then.

FizzyLaces · 26/02/2012 21:21

Not in my experience - I have always had a lot of interest from men and I am far from skinny. I am a good laugh, confident and independent and extremely modest Grin

foreverondiet · 26/02/2012 21:25

I am 5 4 and have recently lost a lot of weight at a size 14 I was overweight - whether that equates to fat or not I'm not sure. A bit plump maybe. Am now 8-10 and def feel more confident about how I look - am sure that makes a difference.

TinyPants · 26/02/2012 21:37

I'm a size 8 with a F cup boobs, even after two children and have always been happy with my figure and had a lot of male attention, not a stealth boast as it is usually unwanted and pervy.

My DH would still tell me I was beautiful if I was a size 30 but I don't necessarily believe it would be true.

Nightclubs are a meat market. IMO men who go to these places "on the pull" are not just checking out the most gorgeous women but also quite likely to be looking for any woman who is "easy" so you could be the most unattractive woman in the world and if you smile twice at the wrong person he would be all over you like a rash, trying his luck.

I don't think it's your looks, I think it's that you are not approachable to these kinds of men which isn't a bad thing IMO. Nightclubs are a bad bad place to meet men. Well, around here anyway!

bochead · 26/02/2012 21:51

My bessie has never been less than a size 18 (more usually a 22) yet she's always had more "pulling power" than me, a size 10.

I worked out by the time we hit 21 that she has a more approachable demeanour, and "better" personality.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 22:02

Well, heres a thing, im a size 20, i do think its a leeeetle bit vain when women of a size 14 complain of being fat, you are blatantly NOT fat. You are probably just about right. And you are wrong, most men do NOT want a stick insect

Sorry but that's ridiculous to call women of a size 14 who complain of being fat, a little bit vain.

What if they are actually fat? Confused

What if a tiny framed woman of say 5ft 1", was a size 14 and complaining of being fat...would you still call her vain?

The thing with an internet thread full of people we can't see, is that no-one can decide who's fat and who isn't...purely by their clothes size.

You may be comparing a size 14 person to you, and if you feel you're fat then you'll obviously think they aren't, and they're just being vain...but it doesn't work like that because they might very well be fat for all you know.

nocake · 26/02/2012 22:24

Men are generally attracted to women who dress to flatter their shape and size. I know cos I'm a bloke Smile

It doesn't matter if you're size 10, 14 or 20. What matters initially is how good you look in what you're wearing. Obviously thats only the initial attraction. You then get into the much more important areas like personality, attitude and interests.