to think most men want a skinny woman

[theuglymate]

I go out with my friend occasionally and I can't think of a time when she doesn't have a crowd of men around her. We are similar age, height, I am no oil painting but not completely hideous either. The main difference is that she is a size 10 and I am a size 14. I always feel like that fat ugly mate and it is soul destroying.

I think there are some men who are only attracted to really skinny women. These are probably not the nicest men you're likely to meet though, are they?

I'm neither fat nor particularly slim, a big size 12 but quite strong and toned.. I know DH wouldn't like me to lose much weight because he's kind of phobic of feeling bones through my skin.

That is definitely a phenomenon in this country I think it is the effect of the Page 3 culture and a lot of women play along to it, bleached hair and dark tan, too much make up etc. But to me its just so unattractive and unimaginative

Really, I don't think that is actually true. Take Jordan the ultimate expression of the 'page 3 sterotype.' Massive fake breasts, blonde (or she was last time I checked), vacant and permatanned.

Do you know how many of my male friends who consider her attractive or consider her their ideal body shape?

Absolutely none. I have never even met a single man who would confess to fancing her.

If you look at her fanbase at any book signings or whatever tat she's is pushing this week, her fanbase is almost wholly female - I can't work out the implications of this, but it is odd and depressing.

I'd like to give us menfolk a bit more credit than to think we are all turned on by this stereotype.

I think a lot of women don't have clue what men actually want and that's because a lot of women seem to forget that men are individual people.

Yes, most people male or female have a 'look' that we find attractive but I think in general, making that special connection with someone will trump the pre conceived look every time.

agree with Composhat we are not giving men credit - sometimes I wonder if all this obsession with celebrities weight etc in magazines is actually kept going by women - I mean men don't buy mags scrutinising how many pounds Brad Pitt has put on etc ( although could be a chicken /egg thing). Men in clubs - not a good way to meet genuine guys imo. Fwiw DH loves real boobs and hates supermodel skinniness (is that a word).

Try Dancing like no body is watching i.e let yourself go a bit - be more open. See what happens next time you go out ( but be careful)

Obviously I know you are sensible no idea why I put be careful that was just fuckwittery - sorry

I absolutely do believe it is kept going by women.

I really don't know any men who buy celebrity gossip magazines and I've yet to see a thread anywhere on a male dominated internet forum slagging off the likes of Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz and all the other women at the Oscars and other public ceremonies.

But bloody hell were the claws out here after the last Oscars.

I realise why I put "be careful" been bothering me - I am on another forum to do with weight loss and one poor young girl has very low self esteem issues especially in realtaion to nights out /clubbing etc . She is tiny but can't see it and is always posting "do I look fat in this etc"

worraliberty "what you said" ever so much more eloquently than I ever can.

I've slowly realised that men actually just like women who are comfortable in their own skin, confident, friendly & approachable.
A pretty smile, nice eyes & curves in the right places help - but to be honest it's mostly to do with how easy you are to talk to, whether you are pleasant, kind, caring & have a similar sense of humour.
Men seem to be more relaxed around women who aren't too undressed - better to cover up in stylish & figure flattering clothes than show everything.

Does that sound about right, ComposHat? If not then i need to know!

I'd say you are about right Latara although I can't claim to speak for all men everywhere.

Obviously there has to be physical attraction on some level, but in my expereince it is rarely dress size that determines that. Thinking of people who I've been attracted to previously they are more alike in terms of personality, sense of humour etc than they are in looks/size.

In my experience most men like a natural curvy shaped women, but definitlry not skinny.
I used to be a size 8 and very athletic when I met my DP, now a 12-14. He loves my shape more than ever now and I get way more attention from guys out and about and at work too.

I also have a group of male friends who are all ver single. Some very fit and quite hunky. They talk to me about the people they date or gave met and it often comes down when they aren't interested in that they are just a bit too thin.

I have asked many times why and they all say the same thing. A woman needs curves to be sexy.

However, I do know the odd male who happens to date very skinny women. The other men find it weird.
He also comments positively whenever he notices I have lost weight

A woman doesn't need curves to be sexy - that's crap.

Just repeating what I had been told by guys. Doesn't have to be true for all men. Just seem to be most of the ones I know.
The other few in the minority like skinny boyish frames

I wonder why it is so readily accepted by so many women that all/the majority of men fancy one particular type of woman, and yet they are able to accept that women like a variety of types of men?

I suspect it's because women are always being sold this image of how we should look, and has very little to do with men's opinions at all.

It's probably true that men and women tend not to be physically attracted to someone who is massively over or underweight.

Otherwise, attraction varies and isn't based solely on appearance. Or there are a lot of people in relationships who don't really fancy their partner.

I suspect it's because women are always being sold this image of how we should look, and has very little to do with men's opinions at all.

I agree - the number of looks/fashions/etc that women think make them moredesirable, that DH and male friends (and now DS's) say look unattractive always amazes me.

I don't like the way having "curves" reads as a euphemism for not being "skinny". I am 5,5 and a size 8 and am often described as "skinny" in a sneering sort of way by other women. It makes me feel bad. I am certainly not lacking in "curves" just because I'm very slim. I have an hour glass figure - it's just on a smaller scale than say... Nigella Lawsons, who I think looks stunning.

My figure attracts a lot of male attention, but of course I've always looked like this so I don't have anything to compare it to. I'm sure that if I had the same shape but was three dress sizes bigger, I would still get the same amount. I think it's about shape rather than size.

For those (men and women) obsessed with what other people look like, I just let them get on with it in their shallow way. These people do not interest me.

I am a short, fat, round woman. My dp is tall and fit and 10 years younger than me. Looks and shape does not come into it for him or me.

I love him because he makes me laugh and treats me with respect. We share interests and a sense of humour. After being in a relationship where my size was often commented on and ridiculed regularly, it is wonderful to be with someone who tells me I am beautiful and shows me affection without an agenda. We can be totally relaxed with each other.

What Chandon said.

I am twice the size (in every direction) of my pretty, v. glamourous best friend but I don't feel like the 'ugly best mate' when we go out.

Perhaps also, the fact that she is very much on the lookout for a new partner and you are not, comes across.

Bear in mind too, that this type of male attention (chat ups in bars etc) has a very low value. It can all be very superficial. But if this kind of night out increasingly isn't fun for you and is making you feel bad, really don't do it. Find something else to do on your nights out, with or without friend.

I think it is a confidence thing. When I was a size 10, I carried myself differently. I am a size 14 now so not massively bigger but I am more self conscious and my self esteem is nothing to what it was.

If you stick your tits out, laugh a lot and have a twinkle in your eye, men are going to want to shag you. Maybe flick your hair about a bit.

I'm not in the habit of calculating my worth by men's opinions of me anyway.

I really don't think so. And I speak as a size 6/8. Had a reasonable amount of attention as a young un, probably no more than bigger friends though.

These days, as a 34 year old mother, I get NO attention at all despite being the same size.

It's not just about size, it's about the whole package -hair, clothes, personality, etc.