to think most men want a skinny woman

[theuglymate]

I go out with my friend occasionally and I can't think of a time when she doesn't have a crowd of men around her. We are similar age, height, I am no oil painting but not completely hideous either. The main difference is that she is a size 10 and I am a size 14. I always feel like that fat ugly mate and it is soul destroying.

No it's not, but the fancying bit usually needs to come first.

yes - I quoted the person who said 'fall in love with their eyes' see - for that reason

men don't always meet their life partners out clubbing either - often it's through friends or work ... lust and fancying aren't always instant - what creates love is friendship, deep passion and a bond not a dress size

I think it's very unfair to men to paint them so negatively

I don't believe for one minute that a man will take a romantic interest in any woman that he isn't physically attracted to. I've always got the impression that the sexual side of relationships is in general (and I know that this is a huge generalisation but what else can you talk about on a message board?) much more important to men. It's as important as love and companionship I think. Women are more likely to value love and companionship.

Yes there are some circumstances where men will marry a woman that doesn't particularly turn him on, but not many. Women are more likely to overlook physical imperfection I think.

I agree with all that has been said about confidence and glow, no matter what your size.

I was married to a man who used to say "if you ever get to a size 16 I will f*cking divorce you".

I tried internet dating a few years ago. Most men were looking for a woman no less than five years younger then them and "slim". When I asked what "slim" meant, it was size 8-12 usually, sometimes "no bigger than a 10". Mind you this form of attraction depends little on true personality and spark.

I think the answer is most (but not all) men THINK they want a "slim" woman.

Men are hardwired to look for a healthy mate. Lean (normally) = healthy.

They would avoid the old slow one in the herd or the bony old one who looks like she couldnt fight off a flapping flamingo or the miserable one otherwise known as Victoria Beckham.

looks wise, I have nice hair, thick, blonde and shiny in a bob. big blue eyes, very pale skin. I don't have any wrinkles because I have bloody greasy skin.

I wear make up, high heels, blah blah and try to wear flattering clothes, although I'm not really into fashion.

I definitely don't hide out in a corner, I'm normally the first one to strike up conversation.

if It's not my size, it must be my looks I suppose. I must emanate big fuck off vibes without realising.

SamuelWestsmistress. Thankyou Im ok most of the time but i do get very down at times.
I know i do have to do something about my weight for my health if nothing else.
Slightly off topic i take it from your user name ive found a fellow Sam West fan.

Oh for goodness sake, why does it have to be your looks? Not necessarily.

Have you considered body language? How do you sit?

I think men prefer women that are smaller/shorter than them in general, but as lots of men are quite big I wouldn't say they prefer skinny girls.

One of my friends is a size 20-22 and is quite tall, and she never has any shortage of male interest. But all them men that are interested in her are usually quite tall and broad themselves.

I wish I could say yabu but from my experience yanbu. I'm a size 12 at the moment. When I'm a size 10 blokes seem to notice me in bars etc (not that I care of course but it's nice to know someone thinks you're attractive eh!). As soon as I'm above that (and I've been up to size 16 before too) I never get a single glance!

But I'm also 5,1 so I do look overweight even as a size 12 (and I am according to bmi). Ive got friends who carry off size 12/14/16 really well and look really good too and they do get attention as well. But my skinny mates always get the most attention though

just normally, we were mostly dancing anyway.

big bunch of flowers for you carer x

Donot think it is about size.

My bf once got drunk and confessed to me it pissed her off that I got so much attention, despite her being prettier and slimmer(true btw)

The secret is to smile at people. Apparently I also laugh a lot.

By the way, it is not as if I am always getting chatted up, but it was really down to smiling and laughing, mainly, I think.

I became very aware of this when I moved to a Latin country, and wanted LESS attention, and I found looking away and looking pissed off worked a treat.

So maybe just relax a bit more, don't compare yourself too much to anyone, and just smile and have a laugh. Sorry if I sound really smug and annoying btw, it is just that n the OP you sounded just like my friend!

I do agree with Chandon. Body language/confidence/smiling does make a huge difference. I think when you are bigger you are less confident and it does show. I'm definitely like that when I'm bigger than I want to be.

Right now i HATE my weight. I am heavier then I like. You would be interested to know that the moment I have issues with attention from men it's not always wanted I didn't two years ago when i was the same weight or when i was the weight that I like to be at.
The difference - I have discovered confidence and stopped worrying what people are thinking about me. I am living my life to the standard I want to. Not to what people say i should.

I go out to have a laugh. Nothing else. I don't care what the others are doing because free time is rare it is supposed to be fun, not miserable because X might be thinking Y about me.

However, i am still not happy and i AM going to lose the weight, i just hope i can keep the attitude to life when i have done so. And fwiw I am not big even now only a 12/14 and people don't believe I have any weight to lose.

I have to add that clubbing is a horrible way of meeting men, meat market!

I hate the sedyness of it all. maybe it is not really you either OP? And therefore you feel and look uncomfortable?

What the last two posters have said.

When I was size 8 I got lots of attention, now I'm size 12 I get none. I think I'll stay a size 12, it's much nicer.

As someone who is a size 8 and has never been more than a 10 in my life, I say YABU. It has little to do with size. I have never had men flocking round me.

Thanks for the flowers uglymate xx

I have a friend who has always, for 20 years, had loads of attention from men whenever we've been on a night out (except when we are with a load of mums from school cackling). I've had my fair share, mind, but my friend is a much bigger draw for those with a Y chromosone. She has never been a size 10 - has fluctuated between a 14 and 16. But she is beautiful, vivacious and has an hourglass figure.

Out of all the women I have ever known the one who attracted most men was a large woman (probably size 18), very intelligent, bubbly personality, great fun and obviously with a great deal of confidence in her own attractiveness- but never bitchy, never mean, also a good friend to other women. Basically there was nothing about her that suggested insecurity.

I was several sizes smaller, but there was no way anyone was going to pay attention to me while she was around. Think it was definitely about confidence, which in her case was not size-related.

And it wasn't just that she got attention from serious minded men who were looking for a soulmate: men very evidently wanted sex with her (and often got it ).

I can't remember the last time I went somewhere that resembles a club, not sure if that is what it was. will go and Google lol.

doubtful that I will be going out for a while now anyway, so the only people who will notice my size are my kids.

I don't think most men what a skinny women just one that's not obese

I think most men would find a women size 12/14 sexy but not so much a women who has to have the side of her house cut off to get to the hospital

oh someone recently made it clear they wanted sex with me, they weren't interested in anything else though. I attract all the lovely men.