to need to say these things to children's TV characters?

[FannyPriceless]

Fat Controller: Your railway is in a terrible state of disrepair. Your rolling stock needs urgent maintenance. The number of brake failures and derailments is way above average. You are Potters Bar waiting to happen. Do something now.

Tombliboos: You need to get some better elastic for your trousers.

De Li, Yojojo, et al: A sentence includes an article. Subject-verb-noun does not cut it.

Dylis Price: if you spent any time with Norman then he wouldn't get into so many scrapes. Leave Trevor alone.

Peppa: Shut the fuck up

Wise Old Elf: Just make your move on Nanny Plum. You know you want to.

Squiglet - they are crayons and paper not squiggle sticks and squiggle pad

Fireman Sam: are you Norman's dad by any chance? And also, can you let someone else do the rescuing just once??

Postman Pat. You are shit. You do not always save the day, you cause the bloody problems in the first place.

Holly - looking pretty is not and should never be an olympic sport!
Suzy Sheep - you are a nasty little witch who stole all of Peppa's talent ideas and you DID cheat!

Mr Lopart, you are an extremely frustrating man.

Postman Pat - there are a disproportionate number of red headed children in the village, are you sure its just letters you deliver?

oh and while we are talking has the school teacher ever been to Newcastle? his accent suggests not.

Hacker and Dodge - go play on the railway!

Special Agent Oso - Take your 'Three Special Steps' and fuck the fuck off!

Dear Social Services: Are you aware of Charlie and Lola's parent/guardians whereabouts? I haven't seen them for quite some time...

Dear Makka Pakka: It's called OCD. There is help available. You are not alone.

Dear Mr Tumble: Has anyone ever told you that you look remarkably like that Justin fellow?

Timmy - If you're starting school you are far too old to have a dummy. Ditch it!

Handy Manny- Just shag Kelly would you?
And Mr Lopart, Come out of the closet.

Tracey Beaker - you are a horrible brat. But you still deserve a family.

Ra Ra - blow your fucking nose!

Granny Murray - just shhhh.

NannyPlum I love you, and it makes me to see how you're treated like a slave sometimes by The Thistles. You should check your contract. And as for the Queen assuming you broke her teapot and nearly turning you into a slug but then being all nicey-nice to Holly when she admitted messing with it and breaking it when she was forbidden makes me cross too. Stay away from that elf though. Jack of all trades him. No commitment to anything other than his beard. And he'd probably try to make you give up your wand - don't go changing to please him.

Dear Pontipines, using the roof as a play area and loosing your children with the frequancy that you do is unacceptable.

also you freaky odd people sleeping in the same room is just f*cked up! What are you some form of Mennonite sect or just Amish?

Team Umizoomi - fuck off to the far side of fuck with your bad dubbing.

Yeah and Mummy and Daddy pontipines - buy bigger beds/take your hats and hair pieces off at night. You'll crick your necks.

Dear Mr and Mrs Pontipine: Are you Catholic? If not, here's a condom.

Arthur, you are not an Aardvark, I'm not sure what you actually are, perhaps some kind of bear, or a beaver but definately not an Aardvark. Hope this doesn't cause an identity crisis.

Pete, what the hell are you, a dog, bear, what????

Oopsy Daisy your a floosy and CANNOT sing.

Baby Jake, i have had that bloody song goggy ge ya stuck in my head for days now.

Elvis, How are you a fireman. You are THICK and STUPID.

Minnie Mouse your "BowTique" will never take off it's just not a viable business idea. A shop which only sells hair bows is beyond silly.

Spongebob SquarePants GET OUT OF MY LIFE!