to need to say these things to children's TV characters?

[FannyPriceless]

Fat Controller: Your railway is in a terrible state of disrepair. Your rolling stock needs urgent maintenance. The number of brake failures and derailments is way above average. You are Potters Bar waiting to happen. Do something now.

Tombliboos: You need to get some better elastic for your trousers.

De Li, Yojojo, et al: A sentence includes an article. Subject-verb-noun does not cut it.

Mr Bloom- I find you strangely attractive

Mummy and Daddy Pig- have you ever thought about taking your daughter Peppa to the doctors about her sinuses?

Dear Daddy King and Mummy Queen - your 'little princess' is a spoilt brat. Stop pandering to her

Granny Murray, stop shopping at Per Una for your TWO outfits and go and experiment elsewhere. Also, your shopping bag isn't practical for taking kids out on trips.

I-can-cook-Katie, step away from the guitar.

Mrs Rabbit, how many bloody jobs have you got and you confuse me with your voice. Its nanny Plum.

Gaston, you confuse me too. Your a ladybird but bark and act like a dog. It gives me headache.

Dear Mystery Incorporated, It's a man in a mask - every single bloody time!

Maybe if you spent more time in college and less chasing masked weirdos around, you'd notice this

Upset Daisy, flashing your knickers and having random people in your bed is not a good sign. Help is available.

Spiderman. How do you breathe if your mask covers your nose and mouth.

How?????

Mummy and Daddy Pig - consider living on a flat piece of land. It's not ergonomically sound to go up and down that hill to your house each day, and think about the handbrake failing on your car!

at Upset Daisy.

Upsydaisy, pull your skirt down and shut up
Mr Bloom, I will let you show me what you've got

Norman Pryce - you are the naughtiest child I have ever known and I think it's high time you were given an asbo or a week in Juvy!

Handy Manny - do you have a price list or do you just post out a horrifically overpriced bill the next day?

Shaggy & Scoob - it's the caretaker.

Always.

So rich, Scott, Dave and smitty- which one of u is 'with' Nina ?

Oh and iggle piggle can someone please tell me what the hell you lot r on about cos I have no idea what u are saying and doing u r banned from my tv!

And Kelly how do u survive because handy manny never pays for anything ?

Max, please make Ruby be quiet, she is so bossy and such a know it all

Tombliboos - not only do you need new trousers, your teeth will get a hell of a lot cleaner if you get some smaller toothbrushes.

Pontipines - you cannot afford the dental fees for 10 children. Stop feeding them enormous buffets entirely comprised of sugar.

Baby Jake - have you noticed that your siblings all appear to be the same age? And that your parents are too young to have 10. Are they telling you the whole truth?

Olivia yes but why is poor Ruby always in charge of bloody Max anyway? She can't do ANYTHING without the litte shit joining in...he ate ALL her Girl Scout cookies too...AND all the easter rabbit! Greedy little monster.

Miss Hoolie - your clothes need a wash. You need to plan your curriculum instead of roping the rest of the ( admittedly small) population of Balamory to teach music/dance/gardening/sport... How is it that despite asking every day, you still don't know my child's name. Oh, and PC Plum fancies you....

Nina - your "experiments" are shit. Why do you need safety goggles and a lab coat to drop rocks in a tank of water...?

Archie, you cannot solve the world's problems with a cone made from a piece of paper.
Chuggington HQ, your decision to site a railway in a safari park is deeply flawed. At least fence it off or you'll have an environmental disaster on your hands when an engine misreads a lowered giraffe head as a signal to go. Giraffe kebabs anyone?
Baby Jake, how come you can walk on your hands but can't even say "biscuit" or even "no" - that's not normal.

The entire cast of 'Grandpa In My Pocket' - Fuck Off

Mr Maker - For fuck's sake man, calm down!

Oh I quite fancy Mr Bloom too and also the Imagination Movers...apart from the HillBilly one in the straw hat. What IS he about?

Well hello mr bloom

Mr Bloom.
How's about you get rid of the tiddlers and show me your root veg. Then I'll let you get my kind of dirt under your fingernails

Is that a carrot in your pocket?