to need to say these things to children's TV characters?

[FannyPriceless]

Fat Controller: Your railway is in a terrible state of disrepair. Your rolling stock needs urgent maintenance. The number of brake failures and derailments is way above average. You are Potters Bar waiting to happen. Do something now.

Tombliboos: You need to get some better elastic for your trousers.

De Li, Yojojo, et al: A sentence includes an article. Subject-verb-noun does not cut it.

Pontipines- if the boat that Iggle Piggle sleeps on is no bigger than my hand, and you are no bigger than Iggle Piggle's hand, then why do you insist on standing next to a miniature button, messing with my head?

Misha - stop singing to the stuffed pandas.

Horrid Henry's Parents - it's all your own fault for playing favourites with Peter.

Penguins - Push Annabel in the oven.

YYY to cast of Me Too learning how to get to work. How to act wouldn't do any harm either.

Dr Brown Bear, how can I join your surgery. I want home visits when I get a cough.

Derek from Milkshake, you are cheesier than a cheese sandwich and you make my flesh creep. Dial it down.

Wallaces dad, your kid needs to drink less fruit shoots or whatever it is that makes him so wired.

Nanny Plum, have you considered running for high office. You'd romp home.

Zingzillas - I'd like to see your hands made into novelty ashtrays

Green Balloon Club - I have worked out the order in which I am going to shoot you. The dog gets a reprieve.

Mr Bloom - have a bath and come to my room.

Granny Murray - you look like my Mum, she shops in Per Una too

Nothing to add except sorry banal I am before you in that queue. It aint ever going to happen though is it?

Dear Justin Fletcher - come and live here but without Mr Tumble! But bring Arthur or Merlin with you, there's a good chap.

Mr Bloom - you can bed me down for the night any time you want. And I'm a veggie!

Have made myself all wheezy laughing at this thread

Bob - why buy anthropomorphised machines that are shit? Just hire competent people to work normal machines.

The Large Family - my hatred for you burns like the fire of a thousand suns. I not only want you off my telly, I want to go back in time and alter the past so that you never existed.

Robbie Rotten - just ask Sportacus out already. We all know you want to.

Mister maker, when you come to town, let the child do something.
Miss Hooley, not everybody goes to work or school, and dont pretend children have been paining when there is no paint anywhere.

President Wensleydale, why don't you invest in a police force instead of relying on out of work musicians?

Handy Manny - I'll PM you my phone number (and I'll let you call me Kelly.)

Grandpa from GIMP- stop playing favourites with your grandkids. And let that Jason kid deal with the other bratty kids himself.

Minnie Mouse- if you took your Bowtique idea on Dragons Den none of them would invest. It'd be a unaminous "I'm out."

Mickey Mouse and co- why do you always leave poor Pete out? He's gonna end up with serious self esteem ishoos.

Imagination Movers- if you have kids they must be soooo embarrassed by you lot and embarrassing band and dancing. I pity them.

Special Agent Oso- you know what you can do with your sodding special steps dontcha? Honestly, why must you over plan every single thing? It's all a bit patronising. 3 special steps for saying sorry to someone for breaking their stuff? Really????

Pink Panther. Just take out an injunction against Big Nose. It'll be quite easy with all the documented video evidence there is.

Your life will be so much easier.

Robbie Rotten & Sportacus would make a terrible couple. Robbie's pink fluffy armchair would drive Sportacus demented in his white, minimalist airship!!!

Auntie Mabel (Come Outside): two things - 1, carbon footprint. A plane? To visit a butterfly house? Really? And 2, I don't know a lot about dogs, but even I know that Pippin is an indisciplined little terror, so why are you surprised when she legs off in every single episode?

Anyone else think there's something strange about a man in his 40s dancing around with a teenager whilst wearing Lycra? Lol

Grandpa - run Ben's omnitrix over with your big van and do us all a favour.

Oh, I agree Lizzie. They'd be a terrible couple. But the sex would be terrific. It would do them both no end of good.

Small Potatoes - You are twee twee twee.

Green Balloon Club - wtf are you? special tv for naice middle class environmentally conscious children? - you make me want to smack you all

Uncle Hairy - please come round my house as I lie on the sofa and just talk to me. Your voice slows my heart rate to about 30 beats per minute. Mmmmmm.

Kevin. I love you and Blue, I really do. But please let me buy you a new top. Green and orange are Not Your Colours.

VajazzleMyFoof MRS Rabbit doesn't work at all, I believe. Her sister, Miss Rabbit, keeps the town running almost single-handedly, though, as shown in the episode where she hurts her leg and the other residents try to help by stepping in and covering her many, many jobs.

(When I say she doesn't work, I think she's a SAHM, and yes that is in itself a work)