10 Tips to Prevent Rape

[coldwed]

Should this leaflet be handed out to the public?

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2141096

((Ninky))

My experiences of date rape are well documented on here. I had known this person for a number of years. He was known to many of my friends.

The only way I could have prevented that was to never go out on a date with a man.

((ninky))

UPT, yes, it happens

"She-Role for Justice"? Yep, sounds like a lovely new guest to me.

Well the feminist boards are a bit quiet atm, so that sort is spreading out to other areas of MN.

I have a feeling that the Reclaim the Night march is the same night as the MN Xmas Drink Up. Now that would be an interesting combination...

not read all this but it's a rip off of a very old poster we used to have on the wall at Rape crisis in about 1989 - How To Avoid rape - can't remember it all but it was 'don;t have a boyfriend, don;t have a husband (rape is legal in marriage) it was don't have a landlord, don't have male friends - most rapists are know to the woman, don;t go out , don;t stay in, don't wear clothes - they 'provoke' men, don't go naked - that's askig for it ... something like that - the last line was 'to be certain - don;t exist'

the aim was similar - but also saying to the 'law' and society - women are NOT to blame for rape - nothing we do can control the actions of others.

Oh and since we're sharing: some years ago I was at a swingers' party, got pissed, went and had a lie down. Woke up to find a bloke with his hand in my pants, shrieked, told him to fuck off and when he did, went stumbling off to find the party hosts.

Who were more than willing to give him a good kicking and sling him out, the only reason that didn't happen is because I couldn't identify 100% which bloke it had been (and really didn't want to have an innocent man beaten up.) So plenty of people do not buy into rape myths, swingers at a swingers' party did not act as though it was All My Own Fault for wearing skimpy clothes and getting drunk, they were all horrified. So there is hope.

Good stuff

TBH though, I think swingers are at the cutting edge of understanding consent issues. Because swinging wouldn't work without a very developed consciousness of power relationships, consent dynamics etc.

It's a pity more people devoted to hetero-monogamy, didn't have such developed consciousness about consent.

I would really like to see genuine advice given to men regarding how to avoid intimidating behaviour, eg crossing the road if they find themselves walking behind a lone woman on a dark street. Any other examples people can think of?

uppity, yes

Whatmeworry. Most rapes are "acquaintance rapes". How do you take precautions against that

Good question - The stats show that most acquaintance rape is of inexperienced young women aged c 16 - early 20's, by their equally inexperienced boyfriends/romantic interests (of widely variable relationship length), typically when one or both had had a lot of alcohol and (in a significant minority) drugs. Percentages vary by study, but that's the usual picture.

So obvious stuff around not getting too bladdered to know what you are doing, dropping/avoiding guys who are making you uncomfortable, but IMO it all really comes down to trying to instil life experience into young heads early. IMO thats about teaching self worth - MMeLindor said it well in the other thread running IMO:

Teaching them that their body is their own, that no one has the right to touch them, that if they feel uncomfortable that they should shout out and walk away - these are the important lessons.

Thata a good starter IMO.

WMW have you got any helpful tips on how I could have prevented my daterapist from raping me ?

Minimal alcohol. No drugs. He didn't make me uncomfortable until he decided to rape me. I was a young, but savvy, woman. He was an experienced young man.

What should I have done ?

Sorry, do you have a link to these stats, please, whatmeworry?

SURELY, when dealing with acquaintance rape, the onus should be on the man? This is consent. That isn't. The education about consent, and subsequently about rape, should be on the man. Not the woman.

With my first rape, I was 16. He was 9 years older than me. He noticed me shaking like a leaf beneath him. All he did was tell me to stop shaking. I'm not sure saying "no" would have made any difference. He should have known better.

Teach boys and young men early the idea that sex is a collaboration, not something women 'hold' and men have to 'get from' them. That enthusiastic participation is the minimum you should expect from a sexual encounter and if you are not getting signs of delight from the other person then you should stop at once and ask if there's something wrong.
And that someone who has had sex with everyone in your entire postal code is still completely entitled to refuse to have sex with you.

Just to add, I was sober. 16, and had never got pissed beforehand at any point in my life. It sent me off the rails. I supressed the memories for 10 years. Took place two days after the twin towers. The 10th anniversary of 9/11 reminded me of everything. For the first time in 10 years, I remembered why I couldn't remember losing my virginity.

I only started remembering things just over a month ago.

There was nothing I could have done.

frothy

I think this is a fab poster, regardless of whether it is a rip off or anything else. I would like to see this on billboards everywhere.

Dragon

everyone on this thread who's shared their experiences