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Original poster

10 Tips to Prevent Rape

688 replies

coldwed · 19/10/2011 09:43

Should this leaflet be handed out to the public?

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2141096

OP posts:
FearfulYank · 19/10/2011 22:35

It strikes you at the strangest times, doesn't it?

I never think about it unless the old "when did you lose your virginity" thing comes up, or oddly enough at the gyno. I can't usually make it through a pap smear without tears.

KarenPil · 19/10/2011 22:39

I had an acquaintance try and rape me. I was working abroad, living on site above the stables. He was a neighbour who used to ride the horses there. We used to speak, but there was nothing there between us - no flirting, nothing. One lunch time he broke into my flat and tried to rape me. I told him to get out. Screamed at him. He pinned me down and sexually assaulted me. He tried to rape me then. I do not know where I found the strength from, but I managed to break free and literally kicked him down the fire escape stairs.

Apparently it was my fault as I should have shouted 'help' louder. I didn't even know the word for help was in that language at the time (doubtless my fault too). The police weren't even called. And this man complained that I had hurt him when I kicked him down the stairs.

What SGB just said about boys being taught that sex should be collaborative really struck a chord. In the area where I was living English speaking young women were seen as 'easy'. Therefore some of the local men assumed they could fuck any of us they wanted.

In the same country a couple of years later a young Eastern European woman I knew was gang raped by 3 men (all acquaintances to her - she was relieved to see them as they were familiar and she was locked out of her flat). The police were called but no charges were made. The one illegal worker involved got sacked. The two other men carried on exactly as before - worse actually as they had raped, viciously, violently and had gotten away scot free. They were like cockerels - all pumped up and arrogant.

So I guess that young woman and the young me tangoed with these acquaintances of ours?

florriesdragon · 19/10/2011 22:41

Have C&Ped from the other thread as I want to share, hopefully to help change some peoples opinions of acquaintance rape...

I'm in South Wales (the "dont be a victim" campaign on the other thread makes my location relevant) and I was raped a few years back. I was at a house party with friends and drunk. I went up to use the toilet and woke up in a bedroom (not sure how I got there, now believe that I was probably spiked, though I also have epilepsy so I could have had a fit)

I woke to find three men raping me.

They were friends of my best friends boyfriend, people I knew and had been socialising with for months beforehand. He was in on it. He told my best friend that I wanted it, came into the room laughing at one point, having left her downstairs. My memory is very hazy, but I distinctly remember him saying that he "didn't want a go as I was disgusting".

I am very glad that I was drunk and that my memory is hazy at best.

I felt at the time it was my partly fault as I was drunk so I couldn't fight them off.
But as it was, drunk or not, waking up to find three men on top of me and inside me, I just froze.
I always thought I'd fight in this situation. I'm a fighter. But I just lay there.

As I've said, they were friends. There was no reason prior to my rape for me to think I couldn't be alone with them. I wasn't walking down a dark alley. I wasn't even technically alone with anyone.

I didn't report it, precisely because I was drunk (this poster was out at the time) I knew that people would say it was my fault. And not believe me. My best friend was easily persuaded by them, what chance did I have of convincing the police?
(We no longer speak by the way. My instant coping mechanism was to go along with her thought that I wanted it. But that got too hard eventually)

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 19/10/2011 22:45

FY, the thing that triggered the memory for me was seeing all those stories from where everyone had been on 9-11. somehow, thinking about that in depth brought everything else back.

FearfulYank · 19/10/2011 22:48

Oh florrie. :( So sorry.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 19/10/2011 22:49
Tianc · 19/10/2011 22:57

((((( ))))) to everyone who's shared here.Sad

Beaverfeaver · 19/10/2011 23:07

Florrir - I feel for you as I went through a very similar experience years ago. I was also drunk so never reported it. I never talk about it and only my fiancé knows about it.

When it does come to mind, my main regret is that these guys (who were only about 17 at the time) have probably gone on to do it again.

I lost a part of me that night. I couldn't physically bring myself to drink another alcoholic drink for about 2 years after.
I was depressed and put on a lot of weight. Quit college and became a recluse.
Lost friends because of it.

If only they knew, but they never will

AnyPhantomFucker · 19/10/2011 23:11

so sorry BF

alwayspoor · 19/10/2011 23:25

Its awful, like a joke. Hmm DOn't rape. Thats it.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/10/2011 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 19/10/2011 23:31

It is so worrying that so many people on here have a story to tell that they've never reported :(

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 19/10/2011 23:37

:(

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 19/10/2011 23:45

unblue hugs

heleninahandcart · 19/10/2011 23:59

It happened to me too. Twice. Blocked out both times and now realise I wanted to make both incidents not rape. Then it would be ok. The first, 25 years ago fundamentally changed my perspective. Any man could at any time be stronger than me and just jump me.

The first was a demonstration of ownership by then bf. I had been in a taxi coming home from a late night. The taxi driver drove off to a deserted place and wouldn't drive me home unless I 'kissed' him. I got home by saying I would invite him up when I got home. So I avoided a sexual assault.

I called my then bf as I was scared and upset. He played sympathetic and then blamed me for being out late and that I must have been up to no good anyway. This was apparently my nature, and always would be. He made to cuddle me, pushed me on the bed and raped me. My brain seemed to reject what was happening, froze and by the time I realised what was happening it was over. I continued the relationship.

Second time, I can't talk about yet. It was also someone close to me, 4 years ago. He was a long time friend who was meant to be comforting me after a split with an ex. He seemed to genuinely think he was entitled. I froze again, felt bad enough already and I didn't react straight away. Again, over very quickly and he realised what he had done. Still don't want to think of it as rape, I always told myself he misread the situation, but it was rape. He actually told me 'I shouldn't have done that'

Oddly I've never felt threatened on the street. Just at home.

forkful · 20/10/2011 00:19

Sad we've had many of these threads before where people share their experiences - I think that raising public awareness of rape and how it really happens and is never the woman's fault and what consent means should be the next MN campaign...

ShirleyKnot · 20/10/2011 01:11

Holy shit.

Stumbled back onto this thread and am utterly shocked and awed by the bravery of those sharing their experiences.

I am applauding you, ignoring the apologists and sending you many, many heartfelt cwtches.

Seriously.

Tianc · 20/10/2011 01:48

A thread like this a while back developed the theme "Just an ordinary man", the description by so many posters of the men who raped them. But I can't find the thread.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 20/10/2011 06:52
AnyPhantomFucker · 20/10/2011 07:15

helen

NinkyNonker · 20/10/2011 07:40

Scary isn't it, I used to think rape was rare, but it is so much more common than I thought, and so many upreported cause we feel to blame. As do some posters, it would seem.

Not that it makes it any better but I hadn't drunk much that night, not sure how I ended up so 'drunk'...

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 20/10/2011 08:03

I don't talk about my experiences offline, except for with my best friend. I never have, never will, and my experiences with DS's dad (they're not mentioned in this thread) meant that I ended up pushing away someone that meant a great deal to me last year. He's still a friend, but only because he was too stubborn to turn his back on me. I can't talk about what happened with DS's dad in real life, out of the fear that DS will find out one day.

I suspect there's a lot of women on this thread, either lurking, or those who've posted, who have their experiences hidden away from the real world. But then, isn't that our rapists holding poower over us still? They may not actively be doing anything now, but we're effectively holding one of their secrets, because, in a way, we're scared of the reaction if we did talk about it.

I've honsetly said, time and time again, to myself that my mother wouldn't believe me if I told her. My first rapist was her best friend's son. The second was my ex fiancee, who she adored until she got the sense I wasn't telling her everything about our split. But then, why should we be silenced? :(

NinkyNonker · 20/10/2011 08:07

I certainly haven't told anyone.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 20/10/2011 08:19

Ninky

cory · 20/10/2011 09:05

just caught up with the two to tango post Angry

my friend was mugged at knifepoint

he handed over his wallet

takes two to tango, you know Hmm