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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

10 Tips to Prevent Rape

688 replies

coldwed · 19/10/2011 09:43

Should this leaflet be handed out to the public?

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2141096

OP posts:
notevenclose · 22/10/2011 01:09

You're too angry to post.
I'd suggest a rest but you'd probably kick off and smash your keyboard.
The world doesn't revolve around you.
Get over it or the hate is going to eat at what's left of your sanity.

giyadas · 22/10/2011 01:11

oh notevenclose, you are a one!

edam · 22/10/2011 11:37

Glad to hear they are going to teach consent in sex ed/PHSE or whatever it's called lessons. Every piece of research that's done into teenagers' attitudes to rape and sexual assault is extremely scary - blame the victim is almost universal.

My guess would be that many rapists and men who assault or harass women do it because they think they can. Because they think they have the right to do it and know they can get away with it. We live in a society that does to some extent encourage that thinking - or at least fails to challenge it sufficiently. It's not just parents who don't teach their sons about rape, it's peers, it's schools, it's the media and music industries who portray women as constantly available. But parents have a role to play.

Friend of mine was assaulted by a colleague - one of three women at a work function who was assaulted by him at the same occasion. He thought he had the right to do that to women and would get away with it. He was right, he did. Their careers suffered, not his. I used to work for the same company and would never have imagined I would unsafe at work, or that this man would attack any of us. I would never have imagined the company, which is generally thought of as respectable and ethical, would allow him to get away with it. But they did.

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/10/2011 11:51

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user1484513597 · 15/01/2017 21:10

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Slimmingsnake · 15/01/2017 21:42

That's an amazing poster....it should be framed in every male toilet there is

faithinthesound · 16/01/2017 06:53

"Don't walk alone late at night."
"Don't get so drunk that you can't control yourself or the situation."
"Don't wear revealing clothing."

Those are three of the most common pieces of advice given to most women. They put the onus on the woman to prevent her own sexual assault. But here's the problem with advice like that. So Sally remembers every one of those pieces of advice. She doesn't walk alone late at night, she monitors her alcohol intake, and she dresses conservatively. Sally, on paper, is safe.

But Sally hasn't stopped a rapist from raping. Sally has only stopped a rapist from raping Sally. Somewhere out there Betty perhaps hasn't heard those pieces of advice, or hasn't taken them on board, or circumstances have rendered those pieces of advice impossible to follow. And Sally might be safe, but there are still rapists out there, so Betty is not safe.

Pamphlets like the one in the OP are designed to turn this dangerous thinking on its head. We as a society need to stop handing out advice that puts the responsibility on the woman to prevent violent crime happening to her. It's like a PP said - pamphlets like these are satire that is designed to examine the way we think. Thanks to cory - I'm going to repost what you said:

"it is meant to influence the rest of society to think twice before they assume it is the woman's fault:

to influence the judge who might give a lenient sentence "because with a skirt like that/being out late at night she was clearlyt asking for it/he couldn't help himself"

to influence the policeman who might be interviewing a woman bringing a charge of rape

to influence the flatmates/other people at the party who don't interfere to stop a potential rape

to influence the workmates who speak around young men as if you really did not have the alternative of keeping it in your trousers"

Think about rapists like Brock Turner. His trial was riddled with pleas for us to remember HIS future that was being ruined by the trial, to remember HIS potential that was being squandered, to please think of HIS mental health and well being because the negativity was really upsetting him (this taken from the actual letter his father wrote). This is the society we live in, where people are more concerned with the feelings, the future, the potential of the rapist who CHOSE to rape, instead of the victim. What about the victim's future that had already being ruined by what Brock Turner CHOSE to do to her? Her potential that was being squandered because of what Brock Turner CHOSE to do to her? Her mental health and well being that had been destroyed by what Brock Turner CHOSE to do to her?

That's why we need satire like the pamphlet in the OP. This society needs a massive shake up to reboot the way we think about sexual assault and rape. It is never the victim's fault they were raped, it is the rapists fault for CHOOSING to rape. And I'm not some sort of wide eyed optimist who thinks that this mindset is going to magically stop rapists from raping. I'm not that naive. I just believe that if we as a society collectively decide to stop condoning rape and rapists in the way our society currently does, we might start to get somewhere.

faithinthesound · 16/01/2017 07:00

rhondajean
Isnt it just a bit patronising to the 99.9 percent of men who arent sexual predators though?

The actual figure of men who aren't sexual predators is likely to be rather lower than 99.9%. And here's a novel concept: I don't CARE if they feel patronized by the pamphlet. How much of the current problem would be solved if the men who AREN'T sexual predators started policing and peer pressuring the ones who are? If they stopped laughing at the misogynistic jokes, the rape jokes, if they stopped condoning the rapey rhetoric?

There was a study done (sorry, couldn't find it to link) on self-reporting and rape, and it showed that when you take the word "rape" out of the equation, too many men think that their actions don't count as rape. The truth is that their actions often DO border on or constitute actual rape, but as long as it isn't called that, the behavior tends to be normalized and pooh poohed and even condoned.

When the non sexual predators start cleaning up their own trash and policing their own kind instead of turning a blind eye or joking about the problem, then we can talk. Until then, I don't care a whit for the feelings of people who would rather turn away than admit that I am exponentially more likely than they are to be the victim of a violent assault or crime - committed by one of their own - because I am a woman.

klassy · 16/01/2017 07:08

zombie thread! No point arguing with old posters there faith Smile

BrondeBombshell · 16/01/2017 07:29

excellent. sad that it's needed but it is satire and if it offends a few men, pity about them, they need to be more upset that women are regularly subjected to victim blaming rather than that a piece of satire didn't protect their feelings.

faithinthesound · 16/01/2017 10:17

Oh heck. That'll learn me to check the dates - the message before mine said 2017 so I thought it was a new one D:

OhhBetty · 16/01/2017 11:54

Cheers whoever re animated this. As someone going through counselling for rape this is totally what I needed. The title of the thread alone has upset me tbh.

eurekanet · 14/11/2018 11:55

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