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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to complain to a restaurant about their handling of a flasher??????

250 replies

CocktailQueen · 19/09/2011 11:04

Out for dinner with my sister Saturday eve. Nice restaurant. Group of fairly pissed men at bar (bar separate from restaurant but visible). One of the men takes down his trousers, flashes his bum then turns round and flashes his willy at everyone in restaurant Shock.

There were a couple of older children in restaurant -it was about 8.30. I called our waitress over, said 'that bloke has just flashed at everyone' and she went off to speak to bar 'manager' who proceeded to hover around the man, but not actually talking to him/remonstrating with him, ineffectually trying to get him out of the door for about the next 20 minutes.

He came over to me and sis after our main course to apologise - another table was very cross and he had been over to them to placate them - I said we were shocked and blah blah, he said 'oh, it wasn't very nice for me either' - wtf??? 'It's your job to deal with him!' I told him. And 'oh, there was no point ringing the police, they wouldn't come' (???)

Couple at other table going to ring police and complain officially.

WWYD? AIBU to expect flashers to be dealt with immediately and severely, not placated and choose to leave public place in their own time????

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/09/2011 11:08

What did you expect them to do? Run after him with a carving knife to chop it off? Shock

They did try to get him out of the restaurant, perhaps they did ring the police also to make an official report even though they knew it would be over by the time the police go there.

bemybebe · 19/09/2011 11:09

Apart from ShockShockShock I would not do anything. Maybe I am unreasonable, but I would not involve police too. I do not consider it a crime.

I find littering in my local park much more offensive tbh... but sympathize with you nonetheless!

jetsetlil · 19/09/2011 11:09

I work in a bar and would be very reluctant to try and manhandle a guest of of the door. if he was drunk he would be very likely to lash out. I would have probably tried to get one if his mates to take him outside and deal with him out there. Not sure whether its a police matter though unless he persisted in doing it.

TeddyBare · 19/09/2011 11:10

I think you're being a bit precious. I'm surprised the restaurant weren't more concerned, but I think their response was reasonable and I wouldn't be bothered if I was you.

bemybebe · 19/09/2011 11:12

In fact, if everyone ignored this idiot he would not have found so much satisfaction in doing it... me thinks.

SybilBeddows · 19/09/2011 11:18

You don't consider it a crime? Of course it's a crime!

AFAIK the police do tend to take flashing seriously as it's been shown to be a gateway crime to more serious sexual assaults.

While I'm sure they don't worry about every incident of a drunk person mooning, this is a bit more serious.

squeakytoy · 19/09/2011 11:21

A drunken bloke dropping his pants is juvenile behaviour, but it is not exactly a sex offence, and what on earth would you expect the police to do?

AIBU to expect flashers to be dealt with immediately and severely

Severely? it was a drunk prank, hardly crime of the century.. I doubt anyone was harmed by the sight of a flaccid willy...

worraliberty · 19/09/2011 11:25

Well it wasn't very nice for the Manager was it? You might have shown a bit more empathy there instead of just dismissing it as their 'job'.

Also, you were perfectly at liberty to phone the police yourself.

It doesn't sound like a very nice restaurant to be honest, there's more decorum in my local Harvester.

SybilBeddows · 19/09/2011 11:26

you can be on the sex offenders' register for it.

interesting discussion here

mamas12 · 19/09/2011 11:27

It is a crime and I would expect the managers to get him out and to inform all the other bouncers/local police and support in the area of the incident and description so they could keep an eye on him.

Marne · 19/09/2011 11:28

I think if you eat somewhere where theres likely to be drunk people then you kind of have to expect your dc's to see people behaving like twats.

I would have just shrugged it off TBH, my dd's probably would not have noticed and if they had then they would not have been badly effected (its only a willy, all boys have them), yes the man was being a twat and maybe should have been chucked out straight away but the police would have been slightly pissed off at being called out for some drunk flashing his bottom.

squeakytoy · 19/09/2011 11:29

Sybil, common sense would tell anyone that this was simply drunk stupid behaviour, not flashing with a sexual/perverted motive behind it.

SybilBeddows · 19/09/2011 11:32

plenty of sex crimes of all descriptions are committed by drunk people.

The idea that because he was drunk there was therefore no intent to upset or intimidate, and no sexual motive, doesn't hang together.

Mitmoo · 19/09/2011 11:33

Who knows what was behind the flashing, you don't flash in restaurants. It is a crime, it's indecent exposure. I know someone who was fined for that for peeing in the street. Whop it out pay the price.

It's unlikely he is a pervert but he was a disgusting pratt.

Mitmoo · 19/09/2011 11:34

I'd have called the police and let them escort him out, they have the training to deal with drunken bums the manager doesn't. The manager should possibly have called them himself but you saw him struggling to get the drunk out you should have called them yourself to get him some assistance.

snailoon · 19/09/2011 11:34

My kids would have found this hilarious; it would have made our night out one to remember.

Sounds revolting to me, but I think classing a prank like this as a sex offence might be something that makes people treat real sex offences too lightly.

bemybebe · 19/09/2011 11:35

I did not realize it it is actually a crime. That said, rather than being shocked, offended and generally distressed, I would just loudly laugh off the wimpy dick of his.

Total humiliation of the offender by the onlookers is the way to deal with it. In my opinion.

Mitmoo · 19/09/2011 11:35

Sybil "Doesn't hang together". I think that just makes it worse. [chortling emoticon]

ZacharyQuack · 19/09/2011 11:36

The manager needs a water pistol full of chili oil and a good aim.

BupcakesandCunting · 19/09/2011 11:36

Whilst I wouldn't want to see some pissed-up sweaty's flaccid nob whilst chomping on my Steak Bernaise either, it is all about context here, I'm afraid.

He's a drunk, spirited Hmm idiot of a bloke who got his arse out to make his puerile mates fall about laughing. He then got carried away and showed the rest of his goods too. He should have been escorted from the premises, I agree. However, the police wouldn't come as there was no sexual motive. I've been on the receiving end of a flasher and it's not nice and not an experience I'd wish on anyone but I really don't think that this was the same. I doubt very much he was getting any perverse satisfaction from a restaurant full of diners getting a glimpse of his mini-me. I'd just put it down to him being a bit of an idiot rather than a rapist-in-the-making.

Marne · 19/09/2011 11:37

'doesn't hang together', sorry had to chuckle Grin.

What a waste of tax payers money having to call out the police, have him arrested, put in a cell, sent to court ect..., no wonder this county is so skint.

Can you honestly say you have never done something stupid whilst drunk without a thought for others?

kelly2000 · 19/09/2011 11:39

They should have called the police. It is a crime, and the police do take it seriously especially bwhen he did it in front of children.
Apart from the fact it is a crime, I do not expect people to get so drunk in a restuarant they behave like this. It is not legal or acceptable behaviour in a nightclub, let alone in a restuarant where children are present. At the end of the day he chose to drink, he should accept the consequences if he whilst drunk choses to commit a crime. If he does not think it shouldbe a crime he should petition his MP for his right to show children his penis in restuarants.

squeakytoy · 19/09/2011 11:40

Exactly Bupcakes. Many men (and quite a few women too) seem to get carried away when pissed, and think flashing bits of their body that are normally covered is hilariously funny.... and it isnt the sort of behaviour that you would expect in a family restaurant, but it is not something that the police should be wasting valuable time and resources dealing with.

CaymansBound · 19/09/2011 11:41

Sexual Offences Act 2003 certainly says it is a crime and can be punished by a prison sentence of up to 2 years.

It's perfectly possible to moon without exposing your genitals (I sound like I have experience Blush - I don't) just that you can pull back of trousers and pants down without pulling down the front.

And why turn towards a restaurant when you are exposing your genitals? 8.30pm is very early to be in such a state you can't keep your trousers on and don't care whether you're exposing yourself to children.

YANBU OP. I would have explained it had put me off my dinner and I wouldn't be paying if the bar/restaurant serve people alcohol to the point where they are so drunk they start removing their clothes and put me off my food. Maybe if more people viewed it as unacceptable as opposed to a harmless juvenile prank, those flashers with more evil intentions who do move onto rape wouldn't get so many opportunities to practise. I appreciate this bloke in particular may just have been drunk, juvenile etc but I think what is far more harmful than seeing a flaccid willy is the reaction that to object to seeing one is an overreaction. Teaches us all just to whinny on about ah boys will be boys...until of course someone gets raped or sexually assaulted and then of course we all should have known - but at what point do you draw the line? How about when the law says? See above. He may have failed to find it so hilarious if he had to go to court and would think again even when so drunk.

bemybebe · 19/09/2011 11:41

'doesn't hang together' Grin