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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to complain to a restaurant about their handling of a flasher??????

250 replies

CocktailQueen · 19/09/2011 11:04

Out for dinner with my sister Saturday eve. Nice restaurant. Group of fairly pissed men at bar (bar separate from restaurant but visible). One of the men takes down his trousers, flashes his bum then turns round and flashes his willy at everyone in restaurant .

There were a couple of older children in restaurant -it was about 8.30. I called our waitress over, said 'that bloke has just flashed at everyone' and she went off to speak to bar 'manager' who proceeded to hover around the man, but not actually talking to him/remonstrating with him, ineffectually trying to get him out of the door for about the next 20 minutes.

He came over to me and sis after our main course to apologise - another table was very cross and he had been over to them to placate them - I said we were shocked and blah blah, he said 'oh, it wasn't very nice for me either' - wtf??? 'It's your job to deal with him!' I told him. And 'oh, there was no point ringing the police, they wouldn't come' (???)

Couple at other table going to ring police and complain officially.

WWYD? AIBU to expect flashers to be dealt with immediately and severely, not placated and choose to leave public place in their own time????

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 20/09/2011 00:09

OP doesnt mention if the men had been drinking in the bar for a while, or if they had just turned up. Lets face it though, places that sell alcohol for drinking while on the premises are hardly going to refuse to turn down sales unless it is absolutely necessary. Up until the point of the strip, this group could have been perfectly fine..

Whatmeworry · 20/09/2011 00:13

I don't think he should have been jailed, or put on the sex offenders register, assuming this was a first offence. I do think he should have been arrested, spent a night in a cell and then cautioned the next day. It might make him, and others, think twice before doing it again

Do you know, I thought that was the most sensible response of them all and is pretty much what I thought was best approach too.

Allow me to grovel for not recalling it was yours [humble emoticon]

Whatmeworry · 20/09/2011 00:15

...and the caution should have made it very clear that a "next time" would have things like the SoR involved, as then it does shift from "indiscretion" to "compulsion".

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 20/09/2011 00:18

Squeaky I agree with you there. Somebody would have to be falling down and really slurring their words, to the point of being incomprehensible, before they'll be refused service but that doesn't mean the police won't ask awkward questions. As I said it's only speculation on my part, there could be many reasons why the manager didn't call the police. I haven't worked behind a bar for years now but I do remember there was a reluctance by any management to call the police unless absolutely necessary. Not that I worked in places where there was a need to call the police, just something I remember being mentioned.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 20/09/2011 00:21

at Whatme

Don't worry about it, I often read posts on threads but can't remember who's posted what, especially on long threads such as this. When someone says "That's a good post by 'whomever'." I often have to check back just to remember what they've said.

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 20/09/2011 09:35

update - thanks for all the input!! The owner of the restaurant emailed me last night and will ring me today to discuss.

OP posts:

Springyknickersohnovicars · 20/09/2011 09:37

At this stage I'd like to think he'd offer you all a free meal back in the restaurant. Good luck, would like an update.

kelly2000 · 20/09/2011 10:55

whatmeworry,
So what if they were drunk, that does not excuse the behaviour or make it a silly prank. If you get drunk and do something illegal, like showing a restuarant your vagina than tough, you should be arrested and end up in court for a judge to decide the punishemnt. So what if you think it was a drunken imistake, I really do not care. If you do not trust that you can get drunk and behave yourself, then do not get drunk. This idea that getting drunk in piblic is fine and excuses any misbehaviour is terrible, and is exactly why you get so much trouble in the streets at the weekends, and why A&Es get so dangerous because of drunks. People think that getting drunk and misbehaving is just harmless fun and excuses them from facing the consequences of their actions.
whatmewoprry,
No-one said he should face two years in jail, they said indecent exposure is a crime under the sexual offences act and is punishable for up to two years in prison and life on the SRO, everyone has said it is up to a judge to decide the punishment. The offender can explain to the judge thta he was drunk and that and that those who compalined obviously had penis related issues and were sexually repressed. And I have said several times what the consequences should have been read my other posts. You are the one who seems to think exposing your vagina or penis is normal behaviour and fine so long as you do so when drunk, and that anyone who thinks otherwise is sexually repressed, and has issues (I assume that is what you mean by ishoos), when in fact you come across as the one with issues.

edam · 20/09/2011 13:33

whatme - I think you got the wrong end of the stick. As far as I saw, people near the start of the thread were saying the sentence for indecent exposure is up to two years - not saying that this particular man should have been jailed for two years. You went off the deep end about something you assumed had been said, accused everyone of having 'ishoos' and demanded we pull back because obviously we are all fluffy headed Mummies who wouldn't dream of having our own children held to account. Not your finest hour, tbh.

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 20/09/2011 19:27

Update :) Owner of the restaurant called me tonight. He was VERY apologetic, couldn't apologise enough, said his staff could have dealt with it much better, will be training them in dealing with future incidents, and has refunded the entire cost of our meal.

Bingo! That's what I wanted.

OP posts:

bemybebe · 20/09/2011 19:59

I am very happy for you CocktailQueen Now you can put this terrible traumatic episode firmly behind you!

CaymansBound · 20/09/2011 21:57

Glad for you CocktailQueen!

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 20/09/2011 22:09

Bemybebe - hmm, tongue firmly in cheek there I think - it wasn't 'terrible and traumatic' BUT it was illegal and should have been stopped!!

OP posts:

bemybebe · 20/09/2011 23:08

no "tongue in cheek" - promise! Always happy with a free meal and as for the episode - I could see you were upset, so I am glad you have got what you wanted.

billysolloxx · 20/09/2011 23:23

"excuse me waiter may i change my order from the frankfurter to a steak please"

squeakytoy · 20/09/2011 23:28

Did you leave your meal then?

M0naLisa · 20/09/2011 23:30

OMG this is funny!!!

M0naLisa · 20/09/2011 23:31

DH says Waiter il have the meatballs and sausage please!!!

Whatmeworry · 20/09/2011 23:39

No madam, an octopus has eight tentacles, and besides, it's off.....

squeakytoy · 20/09/2011 23:43

Wonder if OP had spotted dick for pudding?

10poundstogo · 21/09/2011 00:06

I would have politely but firmly asked him to leave. But I am an ASB manager who is used to dealing with nobbers like this and has had the training to do so. It would prob be v scary if not used to dealing with it. Its the flasher you should be pissed of with, not the poor sod shitting himself that the bloke might turn nasty in front of all his diners. That really would be upsetting.

frumpyq · 21/09/2011 04:44

It was a drunken idiot being a dick.

And stating it's different if a woman does it is shocking pan.

Agree with some of the posters here when they refer to context and that it's nowhere near a sex offence.

But he is a knob though.

Springyknickersohnovicars · 21/09/2011 06:44

Result!!!!!! Well done and the right outcome.

Honeypie80 · 21/09/2011 08:45

Hi,

I actually was flashed at a couple of months ago while sunbathing in our local park, i was near to some bushes lying by myself when i heard someone in them so turned round to see this middle aged man holding up his belly (yes his belly) whistling to me to show me what i suppose was the most pathetic looking knob i've ever seen, the field was full of other people, girls using these bushes as toilets - i can only think he was watching them from in there.

There are also 2 girls schools in this park which is why i phoned the police as id hate to think of something happening that i could of stopped. The police took all the details, my address etc and i waited for over an hour for someone to show up, then had to leave to pick someone up. i got home thinking they may come to my address - no sign so i rang up to find out what was going on, apparently they didn't class this as a serious risk as by the time they would have got there he would of gone anyway so they didn't bother.

fast forward 5 days and a girl was sexually assaulted on her way home from school, who knows if it was the same person but i think the manager was right in this case, the police wouldn't have come out for that, they don't even attend burglaries anymore as they're so commonplace

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 21/09/2011 10:01

Oh honeypie, that is terrible. You did the right thing in reporting it. That is def more serious than drunken guy in restaurant. The poor girl :(

OP posts:

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