My sister has Borderline Personality Disorder

[whatever17]

She has always been difficult. She is 51 now, I am 42. My parents are nearly 80 and want nothing to do with her. I learned that she was sleeping rough and came to her aid.

I am really scared of her (emotionally) and she has already stormed out once. But I couldn't stand the thought of her living under a bridge.

Really secretly cross with my parents for turning her away. But she vehemently hates them.

I am quite scared of her - but I do want to help her.

Bombay - ah the curse of the crying mother! I remember roller skating into a car (I was 11) and breaking my nose and splitting my lip and eyebrow. We were at a club with lots of people we knew and some guy was rushing towards me with the first aid kit.

Then my mother saw me and screamed "Oh! My baby, my baby!!!" and "collapsed" the first aid guy ran back to her (never made it to me!) and they took her into the bar and plied her with brandy, and coke.

She never came near me. My middle sister, who was about 17 or 18 drove me to hospital. Hence I am brilliant, even "cold" in a crisis.

Thank you for the links, and the info and advice on this thread has been a godsend. I have a situation with my ex (suspected BPD) and access to my dc which has left me in a state of terror regarding their safety and well-being. I want to try to understand a bit more about BPD before I start my own thread.

Thanks math, I'm not sure I live up to my new name yet (well, I know I don't) but going to try my best

Bombay - that worry has never left me. I remember being petrified every day that my family would die when I was at school. I had to kiss mum goodbye in a certain way and then not eat or drink all day in case the kiss got rubbed off - and then she would die. I had to keep my face down if it rained just in case the kiss got rained off.

I also really struggle against myself to send my kids to school (I do it). Every time they are faking a tummy ache and I say "nah, c'mon, you're faking it" (if they are) I panic in case this is the day they get gunned down a la Dunblane and I could have saved their lives by letting them skive.

That is what was so hard about having the BPD sister around. I have really struggled to be "normal" and am 90% of the time but being around her just made me feel terrible.

I do feel dreadful this week and also "angry" at her - just for being her really. I know that's horrible, it's not her fault, she bore the brunt of everything. It's just the reminders of stuff I have "put in a drawer".

But I just feel like my head is exploding and I am so cross, mostly at myself, for letting myself feel depressed.

I can normally control it and break "looping thoughts" but it seems beyond me at the moment.

Here's a forum that might be of interest, Bombay, and here's another -- you are probably the most important woman in your DBD's life, with enormous power to help her get through this in one piece.

Whatever17 - it sounds to me as if u may have OCD which can be caused by anxiety. I also have OCD which gets triggered by stressful situations. It is worth speaking to your GP about it.
But remember that your fears & rituals are just a result of extreme anxiety.
I find that the OCD thoughts & fears I get do reduce once I tell myself, 'i'm just anxious'.
To everyone else - BPD in itself does not cause a person to be selfish & attention seeking. I'm certainly not - in fact I often sit at home feeling depressed suicidal / self harming & can't eat but don't call my family or the crisis team because I don't feel I should bother them. I hate talking about myself to others & when i'm down i don't want to exist.
But my psychologist says that i need to learn to ask for help so now i agreed a code with my mum where by phoning & asking for a cup of tea she knows i'm unwell.
Also at work the ward manager can tell when i'm unwell but i hate admitting it so again we've developed a code where i say i'm ill & she will help me out - luckily because she likes me working there.
It's difficult - i've been brought up to work hard & see admitting to illness (MH or physical) as weakness & 'giving in'.
Also to put others first all the time; & to be obsessed with my looks.
If i'm too tired / depressed to wear make up eg then i'm 'unfeminine' apparently. So as a result i'm very scared of people bitching about me.

Hi. I don't know if this is the right place to post. I've read the whole thread and can relate to some of these traits in myself.

I have always felt that I'm "different" and "not right" since I was a small child. I don't have many close friends and my DH keeps going on at me to go to docs as my mood swings have got really bad, apparently. I have taken myself off AD about 2 months ago and since I have (was only on them for a couple of months, and my mood wasbetter) my moodiness and generally positiveness has declined. So I know need to go back on them.

Ok so I'm now going to be honest with you. I have a massive sense of entitlement when it comes to some things, I believe I have a 6th sense in knowing how people are feeling (intuitive), things are very black and White to me, I get angry when things don't go my way, I'm very impatient and wants things doing now, I'm also very stubborn and selfish. I feel that people are always out to get me and any negative (what I perceive as negative but actually arn't apparently , as a personal attack and I'm very defensive. I always think this. it has taken 6 years to finally trust my DH not to hurt me, I used to imagine him running off with family members (can now see that's ridiculous as both he and said members love me dearly, I see that now). I don't trust anyone else ever. I have paranoid issues that people are taking about me as well as confidence issues, when I'm at my lowest I don't want to go outs people can't possibly like me as I'm a size 16/18 and no one likes a fatty

I also used to self harm when I was a teenager.

Wow I'm really selling myself arnt I

Ok so I took an online test to see if I have BPD and it came back as very high, as well as all the related disorders like paranoia, schzio (sp), narasstic, etc except anti social.

Im just so tired of always trying to act normal and all this second guessing of people and trying to be happy.

I'm physically tired all the time too, doesn't matter how much sleep I get. I have to have a nap during the day, which at 26 isn't normal is it?

Sorry for the epic post and hijack. I just want an answer and think the doctor will laugh at me or not take me seriously tbh.

Anti-social pd is not normally associated with women, and 'most' men who have it are in prison. So give yourself a pat on the back for not being in belmarsh. ;)

I don't see why the doc would laugh, although they frequently point people down the bipolar route and drug them up, rather than fix. Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, particularly if you're having micro-psychosis/dissocoations.

Very happy to read you have a supportive partner and good luck on your journey.

BTW, without wanting to put a cat amongst the pigeons, over-eating is self-harm too. You rarely find a bpd person with a completely 'healthy' attitude towards food.

People who do have BPD do have a very black and white thinking process.

This is a great site for those who wish to join a forum with regards mental illness, I used to be a moderator and took online chats a while ago.

Found it very helpful.

www.mentalhealth-world.org.uk/forums/

www.mentalhealth-world.org.uk/forums/

Thanks for the advice and link too :) will go and read it now.

HairyBeaver - go straight to your dr - take a list of your problems so you remember what to say. Ask if u can possibly be referred to the mental health services.
Don't say what you think your diagnosis may be - drs & MHTs prefer to look at your problems & decide for themselves.
Don't restart the ADs without seeing the dr.
To me it sounds like you weren't on the ADs long enough - it's never a good thing to stop them without medical support.
When you see the dr do tell them all your problems - i didn't at first so i wasn't properly diagnosed with BPD for 18 months.
The depression was more severe than i admitted to as well so i got very ill before i had proper help.
So i really do advise seeing the dr asap.

Self-diagnosis is a bad idea because you can get it very wrong, & also can worry yourself too much. :-)

Leonie - oh dear - are we sisters? I hope not, I have more than enough siblings! So you have a mother, like mine, who was a schizo nightmare and needed to be "calmed". Was your Dad ever so sweet?

I hate dissing my parents. As I have, for the most part, grown up. And you have a loony brother! We know where the loony sibling is coming from but they are genuinely really scary and draining.

Sorry - no offence meant to anyone. This is how it looks from the "rest" of the family.

Super exhausting.

I don't have OCD in that I am not lining up the tea caddies, in fact I am pretty messy. But I do have some silly phobias, tunnels, running out of air on areoplanes (cannot do long journeys - need to drink on the plane), scared of fish, scared of birds, biggest one is being buried alive. Scared of most animals.

I totally regret posting on this thread now - i genuinely thought i could offer some insight re: BPD but i'm actually fed up with the offensive terms being used here - eg. 'loony' and 'schizo'.
Clearly mental illness is still as much of a stigma as ever, but i'm dissappointed that people are using such offensive language.

Bombay -- do your utmost to keep maximum contact with this child. It is worth leaving no legal stone unturned. Really, other people in the court system will start noticing what you have noticed even if it takes a bit.

I agree with ariana-op please dont use language like that. It is ignorant and offensive.

You do realise, all you people who are saying wicked things about people with BPD, that BPD is a type of PSTD for those who've had traumatic childhoods? And that when you call them horrible names or say they're disgusting, needy and manipulative etc., etc. what you're actually doing is being horrible to them for being victims of child abuse.

Bravo. I hope you're pleased with yourselves.