My sister has Borderline Personality Disorder

[whatever17]

She has always been difficult. She is 51 now, I am 42. My parents are nearly 80 and want nothing to do with her. I learned that she was sleeping rough and came to her aid.

I am really scared of her (emotionally) and she has already stormed out once. But I couldn't stand the thought of her living under a bridge.

Really secretly cross with my parents for turning her away. But she vehemently hates them.

I am quite scared of her - but I do want to help her.

(PTSD)

Does having BPD mean you are an abuser?

I think people use terms that are actually derogative without meaning them nastily or understanding the harm they do. 
It?s part of the way they?re brought up, put a label on someone to say ?and I?m not like that.? I?m guessing it?s through fear, because actually no one comes out of such situations undamaged, but scapegoating and denying is the way they?ve learnt/been taught to survive.

 = :(

bombay So you're advocating the abuse of the mentally ill?

Once again, I hope you're proud of yourself.

Bombay - some of the relatives you & other posters are discussing have had no diagnosis at all! Looking up 'symptoms' on the internet doesn't make you qualified to judge others.
The mother of the DBD being cited here may well have MH problems.
She may also just be a selfish mother as well.
But i've known other young women like me with BPD who are good mothers thanks.
Having BPD doesn't mean you are selfish or attention seeking FGS.
Re: traumatic childhoods & family dynamic as a cause of BPD - my Drs do feel that my MH problems may have been exacerbated by epilepsy.
I didn't have a particularly bad childhood & my family are nice, although we argue like most families!

BPD does NOT make you emotionally abusive to others.
That actual assumption is what is offensive. BPD as a condition carries a lot of stigma anyway so what i & others with BPD don't need is this assumption that any particular selfish / abusive person must have a horrible (it is!) condition like BPD because it conveniently 'fits'.
The OP used offensive words (bad enough) but these assumptions are unpleasant too.

You don't have to do that, but just please can everyone think about mental health problems in a more empathetic way.

And i hope that somehow the problems with your DBD's mother get sorted.
I have a friend with a stepson whose mother uses access as a weapon so i do appreciate what a nightmare it can cause. My own dad was caught between his divorced parents.

How it feels to someone living with someone who has BPD may be different from the way the person with BPD perceives it. The experience has been likened to walking on eggshells. Whether the person with BPD means to abuse or not doesn't really make much difference if the person on the receiving end of the associated behaviour is having the experience of being abused.

A little empathy in both directions would be nice.

Paranoia is a common symptom of BPD and whilst of cause distressing for the sufferer, I have found in my experieonce it equally distressing being on the receiving end of it. Being accused of things I haven't done and the anger that often accompanies these accusations to me feels very emotionally abusive.

I of course understand how difficult that must be to read and Yes BPD is a very upsetting diagnosis with enough stigma attached but, agree with what mathanxiety. BPD is tough on sufferer but also those close to them.

haven't read all the posts so sorry if the following has been mentioned before.
astounded that it didn't come up in the many i've read.

the world's leading expert on bpd is Marsha Linehan a clincal psychologist who works in Seattle.
she developed Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. Anyone diagnosed with BPD, or their families, should get on amazon or similar asap and buy her books.
BPD is very, very treatable despite what doctors may have told you.

My mother has BPD and it tore my family apart. It drove my father, my two sisters and myself to the brink of suicide. The only reason I still have a relationship with my mother now is because I remind myself that she is ill. But it is very very very difficult to live with. It has turned me into a chronic liar afraid of confrontation, as I never know how my mother will react to even the most innocent comment. She was and still is extremely paranoid, and uses verbal and physical assault on a regular basis. Unlike some who have posted here, my mother refuses to acknowledge she might have a problem, it's always someone else's fault. She's thin-skinned, quick to feel wronged and lacks any kind of empathy. She's said the most appalling things to me when I was at my most vulnerable. When she's up she's almost lovely, but there's always that 'walking on eggshells' feeling.... My sympathies are with anyone who has a family member with this illness, and I challenge anyone who insists it's a made-up diagnosis to spend a week in this kind of family dynamic.

new to this forum, still running. Chiming in on BPD discussion. I feel late in the game having only recently accepting my problems were due to BPD. I had been advised alcoholic and bipolar. None of these have fit for me, I am 50 years old now and nothing fit until I researched this diagnosis. I have been sober 5 months. I am confused having found hateful emails about myself from family and blamed for screwing up the family. This is doctor who suggested I check out BPD as my issue. So in a way I feel like "case in point" having learned how BPD forms in early childhood. Getting a message from those around you that you are not ok as the person you are, so you split off, etc, in order to protect your person. Looking for professional help but not seeming to find it yet.

Seems like you have had a mix of responses. The positive ones are really good. My husband is BPD and its a tough old life. I will also use the links people have recommended here as I have no support. Stay strong and positive. You sound like a good person to help your sister. I hope you are able to find the "tools you need to help her further.

Thank you, firefliesinjune. I think you had responded to me. Do you mean help my sister who thinks I screwed up the family? I don't ask in jest I am just trying to understand the thread is all. I am confused as to whether staying around/in touch with my family will help me recover from my BPD or if their hate of me and my disorder will worsen it. I don't know if my BPD makes me think that way or if it is in fact true. I am very confused and in pain. I intend to find help and will be seeking out a therapist soon.

regardless of the name of the disorder, your sister needs help and you aren't in a position to give it, full time. try to get her to doctors, get in touch with social services, talk to citizens advice, does she have a cpn or is she off-system? start reaching out for help now, right away. and organise plan b in case you and your children have to move off in a hurry.