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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to taking a friends son to school two days a week?

287 replies

carocaro · 01/07/2011 10:10

DS2 starts school in Sept, one his friends also starts and his parents both work (I will work from home) and have asked if I can take him to school two days a week so they can get to work. Reason being the see it a waste to pay for before school club as they would drop him with me at 8.20 and we leave at 8.35. I will get a weekly bottle of wine for this apparently.

I just think two days a week is too much, I don't mind one day (have older DS to take to school as well). Also what about car seats, three won't fit in the back and I don't want DS1 to sit in the front (he's10 and can't anyway can he?). PLus all the faff of getting them in and out; will the get another seat or have to pick the one I use up everyday?

I just don't feel happy about it, just because I am always going to be going. How can I explain this to them?

AIBU?

OP posts:
JuanShite · 01/07/2011 10:12

Hold out for two bottles

Go for it, dont be a fool. its wine we are talking about

KidderminsterKate · 01/07/2011 10:12

'that doesn't work for me'

childfreeatm · 01/07/2011 10:14

I don't think its an unreasonable request because you are going anyway, but I wouldn't be happy at the arrangement of a bottle of wine. How about a contribution to petrol money? Will you have to take care of the child for an amount of time too? (Provide drinks, snacks, entertainment etc?)

I agree it's a big ask, and if you are at all uncomfortable just say no.

ShatnersBassoon · 01/07/2011 10:14

Your older son can sit in the front.

I do think you're being a little unreasonable. Surely the eldest child is in a booster seat that's easy to move, or could fit in the middle of two larger child seats in the back.

I think you'd look a bit mean to refuse them this favour. It's not that much more trouble to have one extra child in the car and you'll be saving your friend a fair amount of money.

strandedbear · 01/07/2011 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KidderminsterKate · 01/07/2011 10:16

i would absolutely avoid this

there's bound to be the day when your boys are ill and you wont be going

I did this for someone once a week.....thought it wouldnt be a problem but it was a huge pain in the arse and I totally resented it

TotemPole · 01/07/2011 10:16

I don't see the difference between doing it 1 or 2 days. Either you can manage it from a practical point of view or you can't. Either you're happy with making a regular commitment or you're not.

You need to ask them if they'll provide an extra car seat.

MerylStrop · 01/07/2011 10:17

Why don't you just say you can do one day per week then?
They should provide you with car-seat.

Maybe they could do a pickup in return rather than "pay" you with a bottle of wine? I'd also make it clear that there may be days when you just can't do it, and on those days they will have to make their own arrangements. I can understand them not wanting to use breakfast club every day - it's really tiring for little kids when they start reception and sounds like it will be a long day for their little boy.

We are talking about liftsharing with another family. We'll have their two from 8.15 ish and drop off two or three days per week, and they'll pick up. We all know each other quite well and we will all be flexible about this.

SpringHeeledJack · 01/07/2011 10:17

usually (ime) this sort of arrangement is either reciprocal, or cold hard cash changes hands

the 'bottle of wine' sounds cute, but I'd bet it would peter out after the third week

charliejosh · 01/07/2011 10:18

YABU, you are going to the school anyway, and its hardly a big deal taking one extra child.

I would do anything to help my friends and vice versa

childfreeatm · 01/07/2011 10:18

Just to say I wouldn't be happy with the wine as it seems a bit cheap for what you are doing, not because I'm against wine!

potoftea · 01/07/2011 10:18

Don't do it!!!!!

Seriously it is a big committment; what is the plan when you are too sick to bring your own dc and ask a friend to do it for you? Do you also ask them to bring these people's child.
What about a morning when your dc are really playing up and you are running late? Will you feel really awful if you make another child late for school?
Do your dc want another child with them first thing morning, will it cause problems where children get wound up by each other etc.?

Just say "no, I don't want to commit myself to any on-going arrangement".

It is a big ask of you. For a bloody bottle of wine!! Shock

charliejosh · 01/07/2011 10:22

I cant believe some of you think its a lot to ask a friend. Jeez - my friend picks ds up for me on her 2 days off so he doesnt have to go to after school club and she doesnt even have kids if her own AND she offered to do it!!!

HKgal · 01/07/2011 10:22

If you don't fee comfortable, Don't do it. It will be a nightmare if the kids fall out and anyway, you did not apply to be an unpaid drop-off service. You can bet that if you agree to this, you will end up doing the pick- up too, when they have to work late or are delayed by the train/bus.
If you do want to take it on, make sure you get them to buy a booster seat and pay for petrol. I bet they suddenly go off the idea.

potoftea · 01/07/2011 10:24

charliejosh op didn't say these people were her friends. Only that the dc are friends. Which makes a big difference to me, as the dc may hate each other in a few weeks, and also friends usually have a two-way system going, whereas this seems one way only.

cat64 · 01/07/2011 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JanMorrow · 01/07/2011 10:26

If you do decide to do it, ask them -

what about the child seat?
what about if mine is ill and I'm not going there?
could you do the odd pick up in return?

If those issues are covered then personally I'd say yes but it's up to you whether you want the extra hassle.

Fennel · 01/07/2011 10:27

How about if you agreed to do it in return for the occasional pick up by them, or odd bits of childcare, or them having your ds for the inset day, etc? We do a lot of reciprocal bits of childcare and sometimes it's a bit of a pain, but often it's a lifesaver in terms of managing 2 jobs and all the school runs and childcare.

To me that sounds not too much of a problem at all, just taking another child twice a week. as long as there is some expectation of them doing a similar favour for you now and then.

LibbyLou123 · 01/07/2011 10:27

To be honest, I don't really see how it would be that much extra trouble for you so I do think YABU

HOWEVER....technically, you would be illegally childminding. You need to be registered with Ofsted to care for other people's children in your home.

If there was a serious accident I'm guessing she wouldn't be very happy about it and you wouldn't be covered by insurance, as you're not registered.

That's a good enough reason to give her if you really don't want to do it.

charliejosh · 01/07/2011 10:27

Ok, if they are not your friends its a little different. I do still think its rather mean though if you are going that way. maybe i am too soft

ruddynorah · 01/07/2011 10:28

Of course a 10 year old can go in the front. They need to buy you an additional booster seat. Job done.

redskyatnight · 01/07/2011 10:29

It does sound a bit cheeky especially as they evidently have an alternative (breakfast club).

I think this sort of arrangement only works if you both take it in turns to do the drive to school. Or if you are genuinely good friends with the parent(s).

GeneralDreedlesNurse · 01/07/2011 10:30

You will end up feeling resentful, so why not say what you said in your OP?

Also, what alternative arrangements are there if you or one of your children are ill and so you aren't going or what about if your car is in for a service and you have to walk and so leave earlier?

They are being cheeky assuming you'll do this for a bottle of wine - if you agree hold out for prosecco, chablis or sancerre - not some Blossom Hill 3 for £10 rubbish Grin

jeee · 01/07/2011 10:30

I am happy to help out with school runs for emergencies, but wouldn't want to do it all the time - and yes, I know that I have to go to school anyway. I nearly always end up screeching at my own DC in the morning, and I'd have to be calm and organised if other children were involved.

Lorenz · 01/07/2011 10:30

I'd do it for the wine alone.

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