to say no to taking a friends son to school two days a week?

[carocaro]

DS2 starts school in Sept, one his friends also starts and his parents both work (I will work from home) and have asked if I can take him to school two days a week so they can get to work. Reason being the see it a waste to pay for before school club as they would drop him with me at 8.20 and we leave at 8.35. I will get a weekly bottle of wine for this apparently.

I just think two days a week is too much, I don't mind one day (have older DS to take to school as well). Also what about car seats, three won't fit in the back and I don't want DS1 to sit in the front (he's10 and can't anyway can he?). PLus all the faff of getting them in and out; will the get another seat or have to pick the one I use up everyday?

I just don't feel happy about it, just because I am always going to be going. How can I explain this to them?

AIBU?

[cjbartlett]

wine is more expensive than childcare?!! er no I don't think so unless you drink bolly

[cjbartlett]

our breakfast - £6.50 a session

my average bottle of wine - a fiver

[cjbartlett]

our breakfast club i mean

[pengymum]

I have been in a similar situation: the difference was that I didn't mind doing it but my friend wanted to pay me. I was happy with the regular dropping off but didn't want to be paid as it then, in my eyes, was no longer a favour but a formal arrangement with legitimate expectations on both sides. Eg what about if there is some kind of emergency/accident, what are your responsibilities/expectations? As a friend, there is more leeway but as a childminder it is different. I am not a registered childminder and didn't want to be one.

I said to my friend that I was happy to do it but only informally, as then I could say sorry but can't do it for whatever reason - kids ill or going away, or whatever, without any bad feelings on both parts. As my friend needed childcare and drop off/pick up for a six week period, she decided to use a local childminder in the end, with me as back up!

I would happily help a friend out, one or two days or more wouldn't bother me as my own children would be less likely to mess about, knowing people were coming round and I wouldn't expect payment in lieu. Rather would expect to be able to ask the said friend to be able to do me similar favour eg pick up should I need it, without thinking twice about it. However, not everyone has the same attitude and that is perfectly ok with me. If you can do it willingly and happily, then go ahead. But the fact that you are asking if YABU means that you are not happy to do it, so don't - it will only eat away and you and lead to a breakdown in your friendship. So I think YANBU.

Just explain that it is too much of a commitment and responsibility and you can't take that on. If you are happy to, then you could say that you will drop off in a one off basis but not as a regular thing.

[JohnniesBitch]

Now if this was a friend of yours and your dc got on well together then i would say yabu, but becasue this is a casual acquaintance who's ds is friendly with your ds i say yanbu.

Like you i find monrings stressful enough as it is, I have 4 to get out of the house, the eldest goes off to school on his own (yr9), the youngest gets dropped at daycare on way to school and my 5 and 9 yr old go tot he same primary school. We have a friend who jokes saying she will change her ds school to the sam school as us so i can take her ds to school each monring and save her the breakfast club fee!!! Now like you if it was the occassional morning phonecall or night befroe to ask if could tkae thier dc as they had a meeting etc then yes thast fine, but a regular thing for the forseeable future, its not really on.

breakfast club here is only around £5 a morning if that (thames valley) so i can;t imagine that it would be hugely expensive for them, also just because they are signed up to use breakfast club from 8a.n there are no rules that say they have to be there at 8 am, they could still drop off that 10 minutes earlier or even find a childminder willing to take them to school, whihc again in our area would equate to £7-8 a week, assuming they would charge for one hour per morning as a minimum rate.

[worraliberty]

People keep talking about the OP 'doing a favour for a friend'

But nowhere has she said they are friends.

These people are the parents of her son's friend.

[ProfYaffle]

I wouldn't do, for all the reasons already listed. I hate dealing with other people's dc at the best of times, let alone in the chaos of the school run plus it's a situation ripe for pissing each other off like fgaaaagh said.

Re the illegal childminding thing, I thought that had been overturned after the two policewomen case, thought Ofsted had been told to wind their neck over it. Or did I dream it?

[JohnniesBitch]

oh and for two monrings a week a cheap bottle of plonk that i wouldnt touch at £5 i'd be a bit offended. (not asking for bolly or the finest claret but i would say i spend around £8 on a bottle of wine and am particular with what i choose as not a huge drinker)

[AandK]

they're offering you a bottle of wine for 30mins of your time. You don't have to feed the child or anything. YABU and selfish I'm quite sure they'll pay the favour back in more than just a bottle of wine too!

[sue52]

I did this for a friend for years. It was a total pain and pushed my patience to the limit. Say no now and avoid the grief.

[tallulahxhunny]

our breakfast club is 50p per day or something like that and the kids go in from 8.15 so 2 days @ 50p is a pound, where do you get wine for a pound?

[VJay]

I would, and do, do it as one offs only.

[ScarletOHaHa]

YANBU

This is a massive favour to ask IMHO.

If you really don't mind then agree to help their child settle in by taking him for one day per week until half term. Agree a framework that you are happy with and can challenge on:

1. They will be there between 8:15 and 8:25 and that they will provide a booster seat.
   
2. If your children are not at school they will need to make other arrangements for that day.
   
3. Petrol money or they take both your kids for 2 hours every four weeks
   

You can see how the arrangement works without a long term commitment.

[pengymum]

tallulahxhunny - 50p a day breakfast club? Where do you live? I want to sign my kids up! Bargain or what! Bet you live out in the sticks tho! [:o]

[PuppyMonkey]

When DD1 was at primary, we had four other girls dropped round to us and DP walked them all in in the mornings. He was taking DD anyway and thought the more, the merrier. No wine was even offered or expected.

[BunnyWunny]

Doesn't sound a big ask really.

[TotemPole]

Even if the breakfast club is one of the more expensive ones @ £5 a day, this arrangement is only going to save them about £5. I think they're daft planning to rely on an individual rather than a group of adults at the club.

[PuppyMonkey]

Is anyone else waiting for someone to come along and say it's illegal anyway and you have to be a registered childminder?

[redskyatnight]

I'm all for helping people out but this is a massive committment.

• if you do it for wine/money you will feel obliged even if there is times when it is awkward. They will feel like they are paying you for a service. Potential resentment on both sides there.
  

• if you do it for nothing (not even reciprical picking up) it reeks of them taking the p*
  

• having a child for 15 minutes on a regular basis(especially at a busy time of day as others have pointed out) is a pain in the neck. I have DD's friend for 20 minutes after school and then take her to dance club with DD, once every week and though she is a lovely girl and I'm not having to do extra trips, the dynamic is different wtih a non-family member about and it is extra kerfuffle that some days I could do without (friend's mum collects my DD and brings her home so the arrangement is fairly equal)
  

• what about all the "what ifs" - one child is ill, one child has to go in early, they have a work meeting so want you to have the child earlier, they need an extra day ... From the OTHER parents point of view, they don't have any sort of fallback position.

[nbee84]

Just to point out that you do not need to be a registered childminder to be paid (or receive gifts in lieu of payment) for the care of a child if it is for less than 2 hours per day.

Only for a good friend I would do this - because we would be able to have that chat about timekeeping/if a child is sick/holidays/car in garage etc without anyones heckles being raised.

In this case it is not a close friend and as someone has quite rightly pointed out breakfast club is not expensive (especially as we are only talking about 2 mornings a week) and though it may open at 7.45am you can drop off at 8.20 on your way to work.

[Journey]

I wouldn't do it because I don't like their reason for asking you - "see it a waste to pay for before school club" - but they think it is okay that you do it! I find this attitude very cheeky.

The bottle of wine will soon be forgotten about, and taking someone elses child to school is a pain. Don't forget the 15 minutes before leaving for school can be the most rushed/stressful and that's the time the boy will appear.

[PuppyMonkey]

Told you.

[AKMD]

Puppy it's already been said but it's not true. The OP would have to look after the child for more than 2 hours a day to be obliged to register as a childminder. Ofsted guidance here.

OP, if you don't want to do it then don't. If you do it grudgingly, you will be hacked off every morning and resent the child and his parents.

[PuppyMonkey]

Oh sorry, misread it and thought you said you DO need to be a reg childminder. Oops

[WhereYouLeftIt]

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Politely decline, perhaps pointing out that 8:20 to 8:35 is particularly hectic in your household.

But I'm a little puzzled as to why you think your eldest, at 10, can't sit in the front seat? If anything, wouldn't he enjoy it, getting 'promoted' to the front whilst the young 'uns are still in the back?