Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to taking a friends son to school two days a week?

287 replies

carocaro · 01/07/2011 10:10

DS2 starts school in Sept, one his friends also starts and his parents both work (I will work from home) and have asked if I can take him to school two days a week so they can get to work. Reason being the see it a waste to pay for before school club as they would drop him with me at 8.20 and we leave at 8.35. I will get a weekly bottle of wine for this apparently.

I just think two days a week is too much, I don't mind one day (have older DS to take to school as well). Also what about car seats, three won't fit in the back and I don't want DS1 to sit in the front (he's10 and can't anyway can he?). PLus all the faff of getting them in and out; will the get another seat or have to pick the one I use up everyday?

I just don't feel happy about it, just because I am always going to be going. How can I explain this to them?

AIBU?

OP posts:
foxter · 01/07/2011 14:09

I agree with feckwit, but it sounds like you don't want to do it, so don't do it.

Remember though... what goes around comes around. I'm sure that somewhere down the line this act of altruism would pay off.

Jemma1111 · 01/07/2011 14:12

You could always say yes but only if the other child's parents agree to take your kids to school 2 days a week also. I bet they will soon back out!.

I've learnt its best to do favours for your true friends only, but as others see it you are being used as a taxi service.

CurrySpice · 01/07/2011 14:13

What are they doing the other 3 mornings out of interest?

And your 10yo is old enough to sit in the front. And is probably tall enough not to need a booster if they sit in the back

mrskbpw · 01/07/2011 14:15

I don't see any problems in taking him, but I do think they should do something for you in return.

But I have two questions - firstly (and actually nothing to do with your original question), why can't you walk to school?

And secondly if they're only dropping him off ten minutes before school anyway, why don't they just start work ten minutes later and drop him straight there?

AgentProvocateur · 01/07/2011 14:18

I can see I'm in a minority here, but I'm struggling to see it as a huge imposition - it's 30 mins a week, and you're going to the school anyway. I think it would be a bit churlish to say no, TBH.

OTheHugeManatee · 01/07/2011 14:19

"OTheHugeManatee, modern families don't "get" the Big Society idea because most of them have neither the time nor the inclination to volunteer for more duties beyond their existing workload."

That's kind of my point. Wavey Davey might talk about people helping each other out more, but a large chunk of the way our society is structured nowadays simply makes this unfeasible. I think this is sad. I'm not suggesting this is a reflection on anyone in particular.

Tigerbomb · 01/07/2011 14:19

YANBU

No is a complete sentence.

cestlavielife · 01/07/2011 14:21

clealry school prob starts at 0900 or 0845 and they cant drop him then and get into work at 0930 - so op is expected to leave house at 0835 to get to school for 0900 (or 0845, whatever)

altruism is stepping in for a friend in emergency, offering to do this because the parents are sick/injured/struggling etc.

a regular two day a week childminding arrangement - because it is a "waste" for two working parents to pay for breakfast club (hello???) - in return for a bottle of wine is nothing to do with big society/altrusim. and having litle boy standing waiting in hallway for 15 minutes while Op runs around getting her two ready - be realistic - isnt good for him either.

far better he goes to breakfast club, sits and has toast etc adn is ready for school day

Mischif · 01/07/2011 14:24

I did this for someone one day a week and came to really resent it. Initially I thought a bit like you, it's no trouble, we're going that way anyway. My arrangement was with a newish friend. She was meant to drop off to me at around 8.20am. But sometimes she'd turn up ten minutes early, when my dh would be ironing his shirt in his pants, other times she'd turn up late making us late, and sometimes she'd forget to tell us they weren't coming that day cos her sister was staying and taking him. She then got really stroppy because I only gave a week's notice that we wouldn't be able to take him one week.

Although my house is generally tidy by the time the dcs get home, when we leave in the morning it can be a right mess and I really resented having to make extra effort because this dc (who sometimes wasn't even nice to mine) was coming round for 10 minutes.

And when I desperately needed childcare one day and she was off work, she didn' t help me.

I came to think of her as a cheeky madam, who was getting out of paying childcare. Luckily for us we had a change of school and they went to different ones and I managed to end it.

I would say no, you don't want to have that commitment.

demisemiquaver · 01/07/2011 14:30

totally sympathise here:you dont want to look like you're being mean, but it's actually a much bigger favour to ask than it seems at first....... if it was me it'd prob. really start to rankle.......you dont want to feel 'taken for granted'

demisemiquaver · 01/07/2011 14:32

awkward ? : yes

PrettyMeerkat · 01/07/2011 14:37

AgentProvocateur I can see I'm in a minority here, but I'm struggling to see it as a huge imposition

It will be an imposition when the kid is late making the OPs children late for school.

seeker · 01/07/2011 14:40

Let's all pull up our drawbridges, shall we? Heaven forfend that we should do a friend a favour without proper recompense. And oh, dear - it might be slightly inconvenient. Run away!

SloganLogan · 01/07/2011 14:45

Why should anyone be guilt-tripped into feeling they have to do something?

And how is one person declining to do one specific thing the same as everyone pulling up their drawbridges and not taking part in the "Big Society"? Talk about overstatement!

tiggersreturn · 01/07/2011 14:50

But it's not a favour, Seeker. It's a regular arrangement. Favours are by definition one off occasional things not commitments that you have to change your life for.

TickTockPillow · 01/07/2011 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully · 01/07/2011 14:55

I have NEVER EVER heard anything so OUTRAGEOUS in all my born days.

purits · 01/07/2011 14:56

I'm shocked at some of the attitudes on here. The number of people saying that they wouldn't do it because of lateness / sickness / early-morning tantrums / carseats / bickering / a million other lame excuses.
What happened to helping out? What happened to community?

I have done numerous car-shares over the years and they have all worked out fine apart from one occasion when the other mother and I phoned each other pretty much simultaneously to say "it isn't working" because our sons loathed the sight of each other and couldn't sit in the same car without starting WW111. Apart from that there hasn't been a problem. If anything it helps - kids are more likely to be ready in time for an outsider than they are for their own parents.

Gooseberrybushes · 01/07/2011 14:59

I completely agree with Kidderminster Kate.

I work and ask friends to help me out. I help in return - if I'm unable to I will then do the wine/flowers thing. BUT for a regular arrangement as this I would offer payment. Definitely.

Gooseberrybushes · 01/07/2011 15:00

"I have NEVER EVER heard anything so OUTRAGEOUS in all my born days."

ha ha bonk Grin

JoySzasz · 01/07/2011 15:05

If you are confident enough,you could suggest a trial run -say a couple of weeks?

I would find that hard but maybe you wouldn't?

I did this for a neighbor (for a while)IT GOT RIGHT UP MY NOSE Grin because the little girl would turn up earlier and earlier ...

In came to an end, as we moved to the US...

Sassybeast · 01/07/2011 15:06

Blimey. I'm kind of glad I live in a friendly, community type environment. My friends mum picks my younger 2 up from school along with her kids and has them for about 15 minutes while I get home from work. I then go back to school and pick up her eldest along with my own eldest. When she isn't around, another friend picks mine up. Likewise, when I'm not around, another of my friends steps in. And I use the term 'friend' loosely - these are mainly school parents who only see each other at school. All of the horror stories about potentially being 5 minutes late and pants clad husbands are hilarious - I enjoy being part of a community and know that my kids benefit from it. it's pretty sad that so many people are so self serving.

thumbwitch · 01/07/2011 15:07

That's a bit of an extreme way to get out of it, JoySzasz! Wink

JoySzasz · 01/07/2011 15:14

thumb Grin

starfishmummy · 01/07/2011 15:16

If the OP has any doubts about doing it, she should say no imho.
I take on board what people are saying about community and all helping each other out but this doesn't sound like it will be that sort of arrangement.