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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh wants to go to a music festival the weekend before the kids are back at school

191 replies

TheRhubarb · 23/06/2011 11:16

It's some music festival down in Devon and his favourite band The Fall are playing of whom he has followed since he was about 12 although they are a crock of shite in my opinion.

The only reasons I am against this is because he'll be away 3 nights and will be taking the Friday off work, so we won't see him that entire weekend and I was hoping, as it's the weekend before dd starts secondary school, that we could do something nice with her as a family.

It will cost £145 plus spending money (although he is planning to take food and drink with him). We've just moved house and I could plough that money into any one of the numerous jobs that need doing.

Jealousy. I've never ever been to a festival in my life and know of no-one who would ever go with me, so I'm a bit peeved off that he gets to play at batchelor man at festival whilst I'm at home with the kids all weekend.

Also I do a lot with the kids. I'll be with them for the entire summer holidays whilst trying to juggle my job and I do often take them both away to different cities for a night staying in a Travelodge or Premier Inn as a treat and something they can do with just me, whereas he almost never spends anytime with them by himself.

I know I could book a weekend off to visit Custy, which I plan to do anyway, but this is more than a night out for him.

I can't really say no without feeling utterly childish and selfish but part of me IS utterly childish and selfish! So I am being unreasonable if I said no aren't I?

OP posts:
AuntieMonica · 23/06/2011 11:18

YABU

I love The Fall. Followed them around unis and polys for months.

Could he take DD with him?

Original poster
TheRhubarb · 23/06/2011 11:20

He couldn't take either of the kids as they are too young really to appreciate camping out at a music festival with just dh and his mate. Not really the environment I'd like for them, they're only 10 and 7. No doubt dh will spend his time getting pissed and smoking pot.

You sound like dh's ideal woman. I hate Mark E Smith's miserable whingeing and whining tone and I'm a fellow Manc!

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 23/06/2011 11:20

Do something as a family the weekend before. Why don't you and DD do something in Devon together that weekend? Girly and all that...

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 23/06/2011 11:21

YABU for being jealous of your DH ging to see a band that you think is a crock of shite. You are going to visit Custy - let him see his favourite band.

TobyLerone · 23/06/2011 11:21

YABU. Why don't you all go?

mayorquimby · 23/06/2011 11:23

"I know I could book a weekend off to visit Custy, which I plan to do anyway,"

So you're also taking a weekend away. yabu

LisasCat · 23/06/2011 11:25

Why do you think they're too young to appreciate a festival? I took DD to her first one last year aged 3. I had been planning to take her to her first Glasto this year, but unfortunately got pregnant instead (due date today) and so had to cancel my ticket.

Anyway, I digress...DD loved the whole camping experience and regularly asks when we're going again. She enjoyed listening to the live music, and the whole festi vibe.

So if you don't think he'd curb his normal festival behaviour, why don't you go and take the children? This could be the 'big weekend' you wanted for your daughter's last weekend before secondary school. And even if it's not really your thing, perhaps the DCs would love it and your DD could start her new school with a really cool story to tell her new mates about the festival she just went to.

MrSpoc · 23/06/2011 11:26

Grow up Op. You sound tight.

Yes its the last weekend of the summer holidays so what. Its only one weekend for a band that he loves.

i would have a different opinion if you had not said you go away on city trips and stay in hotels etc.

Animation · 23/06/2011 11:28

I love it when you get angry MrSpoc. Grin

AuntieMonica · 23/06/2011 11:29

though you said DD was about to start secondary school? don't you have to be 11 for that? Confused

and no thanks to your DH, i have my own who would be really up for a music festival with kids Wink

Original poster
TheRhubarb · 23/06/2011 11:30

Yes I know I'm being selfish, I already said that.
He has plenty of weekends away to see the band, trust me. He saw them the day after ds was born and I was still recovering in bed with no-one else there to support me.

He will not want to take the kids, he wants to get pissed.

I won't go as it's really not my kind of music festival and I cannot stand this mate of dh's.

If I visit Custy it will be for one night, not three. As I said I will have the kids all through the summer holidays - no family or friends to help and I have to try and fit in work too.

So yes, he can probably go but I do feel a little peeved about it, that's all.

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 23/06/2011 11:31

AuntieM you might start a private school at 13.

How cool what your daughter seem if she went in to school saying she'd been to a music festival the weekend before. She's definitely not too young.

Original poster
TheRhubarb · 23/06/2011 11:31

AuntieMonica, she will be 11 on the 24th of July Smile. She's a summer baby. She will be starting secondary school on the Monday and ds, though not yet decided, may be moving primary schools to one that is within walking distance.

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 23/06/2011 11:32

he can probably go

Hahahahaha! I would laugh my arse off if my partner tried to give me permission to go somewhere.

CognitiveDissident · 23/06/2011 11:32

FFS
Did all of you read a different OP to me?

This isn't about whether the Fall are a shite band (they are) or the miserable killjoy of a wife spoiling her husband's fun.

It's about a selfish bastard raiding the family spends and shirking his responsibilities wrt the children.

And as for 'take the kids along'... did you not see the post about drink/drugs?

Original poster
TheRhubarb · 23/06/2011 11:33

dd will be going over my dead body.

Dh intends to get pissed and smoke dope.
His mate smokes crack.

I don't want it to sound seedy and if I even get a whiff of dh having smoked crack then he might as well stay in Devon, but it's not the place I want to be or have my dd at.

OP posts:
AuntieMonica · 23/06/2011 11:33

i got the info from the OP, Senorita she said DD was about to start secondary school then said at 10yrs was too young for a music festival

upahill · 23/06/2011 11:33

You would be ridiculous if you said no tbh.

I have followed bands since the age of 13 and I am passionate about gigs (not a big lover of festivals though)

Dh would never ever deam of saying no you can't go to .......... (wherever) if my fav band was playing.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 23/06/2011 11:33

YABU,
Has he looked at the ATP lineup for next year? Might be a better place to see them.

MrSpoc · 23/06/2011 11:34

Why not a compromise. Does he have to go for three days or can he just have two or one days at the festival?

tribpot · 23/06/2011 11:34

How many nights can it take to see one band?

TobyLerone · 23/06/2011 11:34

His friend sounds like a cock. Tbh, your husband also sounds like a cock. But you choose to be married to him, so I don't think that gives you the right to police his weekends.

AuntieMonica · 23/06/2011 11:34

so, now it's about the drugs.......

now YANBU, OP, you should have said this before

MrSpoc · 23/06/2011 11:36

Oh ok this is sounding weird.

If this is true and husband's mate smokes crack and husband may do it then I would not let him go.

Original poster
TheRhubarb · 23/06/2011 11:36

TobyLerone, is it not polite to ask? After all when you are married and have kids you both have responsibilties and there is no way I would just announce that I am off for the weekend without first checking that it was ok.

As I said in my OP, there is no other reason why he shouldn't go, we've no plans or anything and I fully admit that I am selfish and jealous. I wanted a little moan and to feel a bit justified in feeling the tiniest bit peeved that he would want to spend £145 + petrol + booze when we've just moved house and leave me alone yet again with the kids when I would have had them for the entire summer hols on my lonesome.

But thanks for your thoughts anyway!

OP posts: