Would your DH/P think that these are acceptable things to say to you, or do I have permission to clock mine over the head with something heavy?

[DooinMeCleanin]

We were looking for holiday clothes for me. Why any input from him is required I have no idea, he seems to think he has a right to tell me how to dress, but that is a whole other thread.

During looking for swimming costumes:

1. "No, I don't like that one, all your belly fat will hang out all over the place. You know how paranoid you are about your belly fat"

Oh.

That's just vile. He's not a nice man OP.

ho yes. You are, sorry :(
He has done a real number on you - your self-esteem is in rags. He so wants to keep you thinking that you are barely worthy of his attention, so that you feel lucky that he is nice to you at all. He certainly doesn't want you thinking that you are worthy of anyone else's attention.

I'm sorry, I really think he's a bastard. :(

Haven't read pages 3, 4. But, yes, hit him. Hit him with the cross trainer. That will keep you fit.

for you.

yo uare being naive, yes.
but that's not your fault.

you're being conditioned. :(

He was obviously on his best behaviour at the beginning of your relationship because if he was a nice person he'd still be a nice person now.

What you said in your last post is really sad, is there any chance he might change? Have you talked about the way he is with you before?

But he wasn't, AgentZigZag - the OP was slim when she met him - he must have said those things she last mentioned pretty early in their relationship. :(

Get on teh cross-trainer, really go for it and whne he asks why tell him, "because I'm leaving you for a younger, fitter model and I want to be able to keep up".

Seriously, I am on a campaign to lose the baby and wine and chocolate weight and the least helpful conversation DH and I had was,

Me: "guess how much I've lost"
DH: "20 pounds, you look great"
Me: "Aaargh, only 10 pounds, now I'm upset"
DH:

Sorry about the typos, very annoyed with your DH.

Before you decide that he's the biggest twat in the world have you ever addressed his behaviour? He still might be a lovely bloke who doesn't even realise what he's doing.

It's all very well listening to a bunch of internet strangers, but this is your life, your relationship. Ask him if he even knows he's doing it, ask him to stop before telling him to fuck off or reaching the conclusion that you're some deluded half wit that can't spot emotional abuse when it's being dished out.

There's honest (in a constructive way) and then there's knocking you down. He's knocking you down, so i suggest you knock HIM down (physically!)

Once my ex was no longer able to criticise my size, he then went on to start making nasty comments about me looking too good, telling me he wouldnt go out with me as he wanted me to be invisible so men didnt look at me, making me look only at him if we were out, make my legs point only in his direction. He used to complain about everything i wore, basically telling me everything was being put on display on offer to anyone who fancied it, which was obviously untrue, and down to his issues, but he used to say that kind of stuff whatever i was wearing, even an old t shirt and jeans.

Imo the problem is most likely to be issues your h has about himself, but he is turning all of it onto you, focus his comments on you so he doesnt have to face them himself etc.

It just got worse and worse with my h whatever i said or did.

I meant making an effort to show he cared for her thumbwitch, like cleaning/cooking for her.

Now he seems to be going out of his way to show her how little he cares for her feelings.

I'm a blunt speaker myself, but the survival instinct does kick in sometimes. It appears your DH's doesn't. As such, I think you're well within your rights to clock him one. May I recommend a frozen leg of lamb, then eat the evidence (© R. Dahl)

Oh dear, DooinMeCleanin, I'm so sorry, but the guy's truly horrible.

ummmmmmmmmm you deserve better, dont let his belittling comments make you think you dont. jesus thank kiind of "advice" would have me signing up to a internet dating site to find someone else to go on holiday with so i didnt have to worry about wearing a swimming costume because i would be naked all the bloody time.
mean,vile and cruel. dont know a man that would have ever made comments like that to me.

I tell him all the time Crapola, but he dresses it up as not wanting me to look 'a mess' and 'being honest'

We had similar last year over my summer wardrobe and I told him how shit it made me feel. I ask him all the time not to comment on weight and point out that I never, ever mention the thing he is most paranoid about. He tells me I just want to 'dellude myself' and I need to 'hear the truth, even if it hurts'.

Oh dear Dooin, he sounds at best (being really charitable) an insensitive dick, at worst a controlling, nasty piece of work.

I do think that men can be much more direct with each other about things like this, whereas for women, weight tends to be an incredibly emotive issue. I've heard numerous blokes over the years taking the piss out of a mate for being fat, or getting a bit porky, whereas I can't visualise women doing this at all. Could it be that he's really so dim that he doesn't realise how hurtful and damaging he's being? If that's the case, then you need to sit him down and tell him, seriously, how unacceptable it is to say these things to a woman he purports to care about. Could you show him this thread?

As an aside, I know all the talk of hitting him is in jest, but would it be ok for a man to be advised to hit his female partner? However much of an insensitive bitch she was being? Thought not...

Sorry, OP, but he's a wanker.

Yeah the hitting thing is making me a bit uncomfortable tbh.

Cross posted Dooin. Then he just sounds like a bit of a nasty twat!

no, you don't "need to hear the truth, even if it hurts"
what you need from your Partner is love, and reassurance.

The truth would be "are you comfortable in that costume, because it might not be supportive enough when you're swimming?" "maybe you should try another one on, because that oen doesn't suit you" (then it's blaming the clothes, because everyone is gorgeous in the right clothes)
or "you're totally gorgeous and I love you"

the truth is not "don't forget you're fat and that costume makes you look even more so"
the truth is not "I'm going to make you exercise because you're fat"

Assume he and Adonis were separated at birth?

Nobber.

Dooin....Then I suggest you make it pretty damn official. Tell him this is deal breaker and you're going to withdraw cooking/washing/ironing or whatever you feel his currency is, tell him you're going to make a diary and record of his insults. And I would counter any insult with one of your own.

Dooinmecleanin - use that bloody cross trainer... to hit him with!

Honestly, Dh and i sometimes have conversations where he tells me he doesnt like x, y or z on me because it shows my belly etc. Used to upset me but now its mostly water off a ducks back - if I like it, I will wear it and he will have to deal with me deliberately wearing an item of clothing I know he doesnt like. Hah.