Would your DH/P think that these are acceptable things to say to you, or do I have permission to clock mine over the head with something heavy?

[DooinMeCleanin]

We were looking for holiday clothes for me. Why any input from him is required I have no idea, he seems to think he has a right to tell me how to dress, but that is a whole other thread.

During looking for swimming costumes:

1. "No, I don't like that one, all your belly fat will hang out all over the place. You know how paranoid you are about your belly fat"

Hit him? Manacle him to the crosstrainer and put it on top speed!

It seems a bit odd if he's clueless on how to talk to women, he's come down on the side of making you feel shit.

What you mean is that he thinks of you in a negative way and needs you to know, rather than the things he's saying reflecting the amount he loves/cares for you.

Anyone who has the capacity to say such nasty, nasty things to the person he is supposed to love is almost certainly not a great dad. What happens when the children don't meet his expectations? Do/will they get treated to more of the same tell-it-like-it-is abuse?

I think you have deeper issues than some of the jokey replies on here are suggesting.

He sounds very unpleasant - do you love him? Does he make you feel loved by him?

There's a difference between not knowing how to talk to women and being nasty for the hell of it.

How did he woo you, OP? Did he call you names and make you pay for dinner?

Pandemonia, we were only meant to ever have two pets. My cat and one dog. The dog was not meant to arrive until after dd2 has started school fulltime. She is still nursery and we have two dogs, my cat and I'm about to start fostering for a greyhound charity, even though he does not like pets, because he knows how much it means to me.

He is supportive of my sister atm as she is having a really hard time right now. He's mailing her and is okay with her coming to stay even though they don't always see eye to eye. Although their problems are mainly that she an issue with the way he speaks to me

I'm sure he has other good points, I'm just struggling to think of them right now.

I think he wants to be good partner. He just doesn't know how. I don't think he is clever enough to be emotionally abusive. He's dim rather than deliberately offensive. I think.

That's just rudeness dressed up as honesty. DH and I may gently tease each other about squidgy bits (me) and bald spots (him) but your DH just sounds mean.

I've just read that first post out to my DH.

He said your DH is a fucking twat. My DH tries to find positive in nearly everything, so for him to say so is huge.

Any idiot knows that being rude isn't the way to talk to anyone. He'd accept you talking to him like that, would he?

Have you told him though?? It's all very well to think "Hm...he/she's put on a bit of pork...wonder how I can help him/her get fit again" but to say "You're fat remember" seemslike a DELIBERATE attempt to make you fel shit.

Im abou 2 dess size more than I was when I met DH and when I moan he says "I'm always happy with you.... but it's how YOU feel that matters!"

That's how he shoud be....supportive. Not calling yu fat. I think councelling might be in order.

I think I'm quite "normal" in this respect.

If my partner appears to need or want help in picking clothes, either from a shop or when choosing an outfit, then I will give it.

I do this by being honest but constructive - if something looks shit I will tell her so, but will make this about the clothes rather than her and suggest a workable alternative if I can.

I would never consider saying the things your man says because they are horrible things to say and don't even help - I mean, even if it were true, where does that leave you? I mean, I know I'm skinny, which for a man is very much a mixed blessing - that in itself doesn't help me choose clothes that look good on skinny men.

As I say, he really does sound a prick and he needs telling.

My h was like that. After having 4 children, 3 in under 5 years, and the youngest being just under a year old, he looked me up and down and told me i didnt do it for him anymore, because i was too fat. I was a size 12. It was the beginning of the end for our marriage. I cried for 3 days about it, and he just told me i was a drama queen and to get over it.

Fast forward 6 months, and i was a size 10, and he told me i was looking good, but just needed to work on my stomach.

This was from a man who had gained 6 inches round his waist since i met him. His behaviour towards me got worse and worse, and he became v controlling about how i looked and what i could do/ how to behave in public.

The man is my exh now, i am a matter of weeks from my decree absolute.

My bf however would never say something so horrible, unlike my exh the only times he comments on my appearance is to compliment me. He thinks i am lovely as i am.

"He's dim rather than deliberately offensive."

Most dim people get teased and bullied at school. They know what it feels like.

You'd have to be REALLY fucking dim not to get that this would be hurtful and unkind, especially if the hoped-for laughs from the recipient failed to materialise.

'do you love him? Does he make you feel loved by him?' Rhinestone, No and no

TechLovingDad I did the chasing. I was very slim and fit and earning a fortune as a dancer when I met him. I was used to men throwing themselves at me and he didn't even look at me, when he did speak to me, he spoke to me, not my breasts. I found that refreshing. He was very helpful and considerate to me in the begining and would stay up all night cleaning and helping in the house while I was at work. He used to call round to walk my dog for me if it was bad weather as I was a single parent to dd1, who he adored. He used to be the perfect man. I don't know what has changed. He would little thoughtfull things for me like making sure I had something to eat ready for when I came home from work or bringing my dog treats or buying dd1 something little but really sweet.

I love the man I met, but I don't love the one I am with now iyswim? He changed at some point. He has also gained weight, but this isn't an issue for me as I loved him, not his figure. I don't notice ot mention his weight gain until he mentions it.

He sounds vile. Why are you with him?

Can I just say that even if he is some sort of godlike Adonis creature, he still shouldn't be speaking to you like that. Being good-looking doesn't get you off the hook for behaving like an arsehole.

Oh, and I agree with everyone else who says this man is way out of order.

So he was perfect when you first got together and now he thinks he owns you and can talk to you like shit.

Yeah, lovely bloke.

OP...Tell him, tell him he does it all of the time, tell him it undermines your confidence. Sounds like the sort of man that would happily stop it if you told him it upsets you.

Have to be honest, sounds like he's very dissatisfied with his own weight and so notices yours all of the time. That's how it works here, I get much more annoyed about DH's weight after I've had a baby and carrying extra weight myself.

I don't think your DH is a twat/twunt/wanker I think you just need to tell him, tell him very seriously so there's no misunderstanding.

And OP I think he's complacent, not unsalvageable though. He's just got a bit comfortable, tell him to make an effort.

My ExH used to do that and that's why he got Ex'd. What a twat.

But Dooin - you said he encouraged you to eat. He would buy you food and then complain if you didn't eat it. He would make you eat when you didn't want to because he didn't like to appear greedy by eating by himself. You said all this. You also said he derails any diet you go on - so how is it that he gets to make sure you get larger, stay larger and then he gets to abuse you for it as well?

And I know it's bad netiquette to drag stuff across from other threads but this is completely pertinent to this thread as well - there is more going on here.

laughing aside, he sounds really, really horrible - do you challenge him when he says things like that to you? I hope so.

Start ogling men on the web because not all men look like models either, maybe he needs reminding of this. Has he got a six pack?

Do you want to lose weight OP?

Does he?

While his comments would have me reaching for the choccie biccies and refusing to move off the sofa (tosser) it might make you both feel better about yourselves if you make an attempt to improve your fitness.

Yeah Thumb he did. He would also insult me when I was slim but it was aimed at the way I dressed and not my weight, i.e I dinstinctly remember being told my favourite lipstick made me look like "I had been sucking shit out of someone's arse" or that my new (and expensive) top made me look like "A slapper from down "

I'm being niave in thinking he is just dim aren't I?