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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with a 'friend' of mine?

195 replies

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 12:49

Today my car was in the garage, the one day it has decided to rain in the past god knows how long. Anyway, my daughter had to go to nursery today, roughly 2 miles away(4 miles there and back), my 8yo wasnt in school today so had her with me too.
Anyway my neighbour (and a friend i thought) 2 doors down, her son goes to the same nursery, she knew i had no car this morning saw me leaving my house and just drove off, in her 7 seater with only 3 seats taken up, she could have offered to take my daughter in as i have taken her son in for her before, babysat etc. Friends are meant to help each other out, but it would seem she isnt the friend i thought she was. It was really chucking it down and everyone knows that you can't hold an umbrella and push a pushchair with handles not a bar.
AIBU to be annoyed by this?
I know my daughter is not her responsibility, but if i had seen her walking in the rain with her baby and son, i would have offered. I have done it before for her.
My husband would have driven us or lent me his car but had to go away on business today and left at the crack of dawn.
I was soaked, ruined my make up lol, and my kids were drenched too, obv not baby as he had raincover.
So AIBU? haven't said anything to her as wanted to know if i would be in the wrong.

OP posts:
hester · 06/06/2011 12:50

Sorry you had a rough morning.

Why didn't you ask her for a lift?

WhoWhoWhoWho · 06/06/2011 12:50

Did she know you were walking to nursery in the rain as had no car to use??

worraliberty · 06/06/2011 12:53

That's mad. If you know her that well, why didn't you knock last night and ask if she can take your child?

Perhaps the fact you didn't, made her think you'd sorted a lift out.

jeee · 06/06/2011 12:54

You're assuming that your neighbour is telepathic. She's not.

RunforFun · 06/06/2011 12:55

I dont think you can be mad in this situation.

Unless you had specifically mentioned it to her , she isnt a mind reader !

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 06/06/2011 12:56

How did she know you needed a lift? did you ask her to help you out?

Pagwatch · 06/06/2011 12:57

Why didn't you just ask her?

wineandcheese · 06/06/2011 12:57

Agree with the others; you really should've just asked her. Don't hold it against her.

allhailtheaubergine · 06/06/2011 12:58

Also don't understand why you didn't ask her for a lift.

redskyatnight · 06/06/2011 13:01

I'd have assumed in her place that if you'd wanted a lift that you would have asked for one. And as you hadn't, you'd made alternative arrangements. Why on earth didn't you ask?

bananamonkey · 06/06/2011 13:02

My brain isn't fully functioning in the morning and I don't have to run around getting children ready. She was probably busy thinking about something else when she saw you and your situation just didn't occur to her.

Llanarth · 06/06/2011 13:03

She might not have been going straight to nursery, could have been going to the shops first or on another errand, after all, if she was leaving at the same time as you - with a 2 mile walk with pushchair ....

Maybe ask her now for a lift this afternoon?

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:03

no not assuming she is telepathic, our kids have been going to the same nursery for 2 years on the same days, infact we made it like that to lighten the load and save petrol and sometimes time for each other. She knew i was going that way, i didnt ask last night because i didnt know it was going to be raining today. She knew i had no car today as i told her friday it was being dropped off sunday night at the garage,and she knew dh was going away. When the weather is good, i do walk btw, am not lazy, but 4 miles in the rain, when she could have helped, she saw the uniform, the lunch box etc,just seemed a bit mean to me.
when she had an op i took her son to nursery,picked him up, did her shopping looked after her baby there is 2 months between our youngest, im not saying she hasnt done stuff for me, but i thought we were friends, just feel like a bit of a mug tbh.

OP posts:
fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 06/06/2011 13:05

I have to be honest in the morning it's all I can do to get mine fed, dressed, faces washed etc and out the door. I certainly wouldn't remember a conversation I had on Friday about someones car being in the garage on Sunday night and think "Oh I must offer jobo84 a lift"

If you saw it was raining, why didn't you just ask her for a lift? Or to drop your DC off?

QuintessentialOldMoo · 06/06/2011 13:09

I am really sorry, but you are expecting a lot of your neighbour. You seem to speak to her a lot, and inform her about things happening in your life, yet you dont make arrangements for liftsharing on a day your car will be at the garage, but you expect HER to remember all your bits of information and act accordingly?

She may have been stressed, not noticed you, been preoccupied, millions of reasons. But I really dont think you have a reason to be upset with her.

Be upset with yourself for not making arrangements, dont be upset with her for failing to realize you needed a lift.

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:13

I didnt know it was gonna chuck it down just before i left home, i had planned to walk it. How could i ask for the lift when i didnt get the chance?
My daughter was late this morning because of weather. I have 5 kids to sort out in the morning and i still manage to help my friends out if they need it. I do help them most days.
Just saying i would have asked if i had seen her. I have picked car up now.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 06/06/2011 13:13

Yabu

She almost certainly didn't make the connection. When you saw it was raining you could have just knocked.

I bet if you said ' I got soaked and could have done with a lift" she would say " bloody hell why didn't you tell me"

I realise that it is all important in your head -car going to garage, dh going away - but frankly I wouldn't remember that stuff in the midst of getting my own children going in the morning.

You got wet and must be feeling shit about that. But you are being a bit pouty and self absorbed in expecting her to have the minutiae of your life in the front of her mind on the first Monday back at school.

Seriously. You are sounding sulky. You should have knocked or called her. Let it go.

BatFlattery · 06/06/2011 13:14

YABU. As others have already said, she is not telepathic, she might've thought that because you didn't ask you had already sorted womething out. You seem quite defensive TBH.

QuintessentialOldMoo · 06/06/2011 13:15

If you had made a phone call, you would have been able to ask her.

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 06/06/2011 13:16

I agree with Pag.

Plus, if she's your friend don't you have her mobile number? couldn't you have called her and said "before you leave help me out please it's chucking it down"

sorry to say but you weren't her priority this morning, her own family was (which is how it should be)

fifi25 · 06/06/2011 13:17

This happened to me when i was pg with 3rd. I lived in a house 1.8 miles from the school due to housing issues. I used to walk it everyday and the woman i was friendly with in the next street had kids at the same school. I had SPD and sciatica and would really struggle. She used to beep wave and drive passed me waving.

The boot was on the other foot when i moved to a house right next to the school and she had to walk to school for 2 weeks when we had the sever snow. The street was on a steep hill which hadnt been gritted and was too dangerous to drive.

I used to cheerily wave bye and walk into my house knowing she had the 1.8 mile walk with bleeching snow and ice ha ha

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:18

I wanted to walk, but not when it started raining, she is supposed to be a good friend of mine. Can i just ask if you saw a friend of yours walking the direction you are going, in bad or good condition, would you offer them a lift? maybe i am just like that and a nice person but i often offer people lifts if i am going their way, if not all then part of the way.
No i dont think that the night before 'i must remember to give so and so a lift' but if i drive past them then i would stop and ask, just to make sure, you know some people dont like to ask. She is a friend that just happens to be a neighbour

OP posts:
bluebobbin · 06/06/2011 13:22

YABU. You should not be annoyed with her. When I leave in the morning with my 2, I am more concerned that they are not killing eachother and that I have got all the stuff needed for them and also that I am not going to be late. If someone asks me to drive a child for them, I happily do it. You should have asked her.

bluebobbin · 06/06/2011 13:23

I am also going to give you a little quote from my DS's nursery teacher.

"USE YOUR WORDS" !!! ....to ask her!

fifi25 · 06/06/2011 13:23

I agree Jobo. I am the same, i wouldd have offered. I am always the one picking up other peoples kids when they get stuck at work or their parents cant collect them. All the people i do it for would do the same for me. I wouldnt have asked either. Dont offer her anymore lifts.