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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with a 'friend' of mine?

195 replies

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 12:49

Today my car was in the garage, the one day it has decided to rain in the past god knows how long. Anyway, my daughter had to go to nursery today, roughly 2 miles away(4 miles there and back), my 8yo wasnt in school today so had her with me too.
Anyway my neighbour (and a friend i thought) 2 doors down, her son goes to the same nursery, she knew i had no car this morning saw me leaving my house and just drove off, in her 7 seater with only 3 seats taken up, she could have offered to take my daughter in as i have taken her son in for her before, babysat etc. Friends are meant to help each other out, but it would seem she isnt the friend i thought she was. It was really chucking it down and everyone knows that you can't hold an umbrella and push a pushchair with handles not a bar.
AIBU to be annoyed by this?
I know my daughter is not her responsibility, but if i had seen her walking in the rain with her baby and son, i would have offered. I have done it before for her.
My husband would have driven us or lent me his car but had to go away on business today and left at the crack of dawn.
I was soaked, ruined my make up lol, and my kids were drenched too, obv not baby as he had raincover.
So AIBU? haven't said anything to her as wanted to know if i would be in the wrong.

OP posts:
MindyMacready · 06/06/2011 13:24

Just to add to the consensus, YABvU. If you wanted a lift, you could at the very least have got her attention as she was leaving, but more reasonable had a word first. Nearly biscuit level post OP.

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:24

fifi25 thank you for understanding me, obv maybe other people haven't been through this.
My family is my priority everyday, but being nice to a friend is too.
Just stopping to ask wouldnt have hurt really would it?

OP posts:
QuintessentialOldMoo · 06/06/2011 13:24

She really might not have noticed you.

Did she wave at you and smile?

Was she expecting to drive past a mum with two children rather than the one you usually take to nursery, and immediately think it was YOU?

SixtyFootDoll · 06/06/2011 13:25

Maybe she didn't notice you? Maybe she was having a shitty morning too.

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:27

Yeah cos as if walking in the rain isnt bad enough i should def stop to have a chat just so as i could get more soaked, thanks mindy. She doesnt have a mobile atm her ds dropped it in bath.

OP posts:
speculationisrife · 06/06/2011 13:27

Sorry, but I think YABVU too. I forget what people have told me within about five minutes - why should she have remembered you didn't have the car today. You're assuming she saw you - at that time of the morning I often wouldn't notice my best friend on the street if she passed within two feet of me. I'm miles away in the morning, purely focused on getting dd to where she needs to be and me where I need to be. Frankly I would be mortified if I thought a 'friend' of mine had thought I was deliberately not bothering to stop and give them a lift.

needanewname · 06/06/2011 13:28

YABVU

Get a grip. I can understand where you're coming from but how do you know she saw you? She could have been looking in your general direction but had a thousand other things on her mind.

You say you were running late, well I;m guessing she was too.

IF I saw a friend in need of a lift I would of course offer, but there have been times where I have just not seen people, I wasn;t being rude, just unobservant.

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:28

yeah she waved to my daughter and her son said hello to my other daughter whom he attends nursery with. She knew it was me!

OP posts:
QuintessentialOldMoo · 06/06/2011 13:29

At the risk of sounding offensive, are you a bit dim?

That last statement you made, about not stopping in the rain to ask for a lift as chatting would make you more wet, just sounds totally incredulous.

QuintessentialOldMoo · 06/06/2011 13:29

And you STILL did not take the chance to ask for a lift???

Confused

parp

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:31

my car wasnt in my drive, i had the pushchair and my kids had umbrellas does that say im just about to get in the car?

OP posts:
Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:32

or get a lift, or catch a cab, not really

OP posts:
Chandon · 06/06/2011 13:33

yes, asking her is better. Now you are all cross and blame her and renounce the friendship, which to be honest isn't fair.

it would have been nice if she'd put 2 and 2 together, but she didn't.

In your position I would have asked. she would have said "yes" I guess.

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:34

i DIDNT stop to chat to her or shall i say she didnt stop to chat, someone offered me that as advice to get a lift! am far from dim, but thanks anyway for your really kind comment quintessential.

OP posts:
Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:35

didnt realise everyone was so nice on here, i was just asking an opinion and i get insulted, i am new to mn and thanks for the warm welcome.

OP posts:
Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:36

i didnt say i didnt want to be her friend, just wondered if it seemed a bit mean is all, and now i can see where our friendship stands

OP posts:
fifi25 · 06/06/2011 13:38

How is she Dim for not asking for a lift. I wouldnt either. Some people dont just ask. OP has previously offered lifts so her friend who has probably gratefully accepted she should have returned the favour. She shouldnt have to bloody ask.

fifi25 · 06/06/2011 13:38

*was

MooMooFarm · 06/06/2011 13:38

YABU. I live in a village where if I'm driving that day, I must drive past about twenty friends walking to school with their children any given morning. If I stopped to ask each one if they were walking by choice or not, I'd never get there!

IsItMeOr · 06/06/2011 13:40

Honestly, it sounds like she didn't make the connection when she saw you. If she's anything like me she was distracted and might have realised half an hour later when she was sat at work/home and felt mortified.

She sounds like a pretty good friend who you're close to. I'm sure it's a mix up and not a deliberate slight (otherwise you wouldn't have done all the things for each other in the past, no?).

If you want to know what she was thinking though, you'll really have to talk to her about it. Seems a shame to lose a friend over a bit of rain, however miserable at the time.

ElizabethDarcy · 06/06/2011 13:41

I would stop for any friend were it raining... especially if they had kids.

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:42

if i have the room i offer, obv if you dont have the room how can you? she had the space

OP posts:
IsItMeOr · 06/06/2011 13:42

Sorry just realised that you've said you're not intending to lose her as a friend. Could you mention it to gracefully somehow when you next see her?

HushedTones · 06/06/2011 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lorelilee · 06/06/2011 13:45

You asked the opinion of site and you got it. Most people didn't insult you - just told you what they thought. If you can't take it, I would steer clear of AIBU.

Also, you don't seem to be taking what has been said on board "I can see where our friendship stands" - NO YOU CAN'T. You are simply assuming too much - if she really is your friend, give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe she just wasn't thinking straight and had forgotten all about your conversation. Or maybe you are just this 'ME, ME, ME' all the time and she'll be glad to get rid of you!