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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with a 'friend' of mine?

195 replies

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 12:49

Today my car was in the garage, the one day it has decided to rain in the past god knows how long. Anyway, my daughter had to go to nursery today, roughly 2 miles away(4 miles there and back), my 8yo wasnt in school today so had her with me too.
Anyway my neighbour (and a friend i thought) 2 doors down, her son goes to the same nursery, she knew i had no car this morning saw me leaving my house and just drove off, in her 7 seater with only 3 seats taken up, she could have offered to take my daughter in as i have taken her son in for her before, babysat etc. Friends are meant to help each other out, but it would seem she isnt the friend i thought she was. It was really chucking it down and everyone knows that you can't hold an umbrella and push a pushchair with handles not a bar.
AIBU to be annoyed by this?
I know my daughter is not her responsibility, but if i had seen her walking in the rain with her baby and son, i would have offered. I have done it before for her.
My husband would have driven us or lent me his car but had to go away on business today and left at the crack of dawn.
I was soaked, ruined my make up lol, and my kids were drenched too, obv not baby as he had raincover.
So AIBU? haven't said anything to her as wanted to know if i would be in the wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:45

i was wondering whether to say anything to her, thats why i posted!!!

OP posts:
Irishchic · 06/06/2011 13:46

I hate it when posters throw in the "oh thanks a LOT, I am new to mn and you are all so mean, and what a horrid welcome etc etc"

So you are new to MN, whaddaya want, a fanfare? Everyone gets treated on here in the same way, even handed and fair, no one get the kid gloves treatment.

If you cant stand the heat....

zukiecat · 06/06/2011 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialOldMoo · 06/06/2011 13:47

You are not taking on board anything which has been said.
Why consult people on a forum if you are not going to listen to anything?

I apologize for calling you dim, that was mean of me. But honestly, I am tired of people who ask questions, and dont seem to take anything on board.

glassofwhiteanybody · 06/06/2011 13:48

Jobo84 - I think if you wanted a lift it was open to you to ask for one. I would gladly give someone a lift if they asked, but I'm not a mind reader.

Sorry if this is your first experience of AIBU and you feel people have been unsympathetic, but this is sometimes how AIBU works. When you think someone else is in the wrong, it's hard to be told that others disagree with you. However, what is better / worse - everyone agreeing that your friend was selfish and unreasonable and let you down, or the possibility that she might have been willing to give a lift if you had thought you ask for one? Surely the latter is better for your friendship with this woman.

C4ro · 06/06/2011 13:48

Considering your kids presumably need carseats, exactly what did you expect her to do? Drive back to your house and get them and then come back for you?
I'm sorry you had a crap morning getting wet. I also think you're quite seriously overestimating how much other people, even good friends, keep tabs on others lives.

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:50

lorelilee how am i me me me when i help people out all the time, yeah selfish me.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 06/06/2011 13:50

You really seem to want her to have quite deliberately abandoned you to the elements. I wonder why that is? Do you have ay reason to think she would do that?

You seem to value kindness highly, referring to your own kindness to friends as if that is a great thing. But kindness includes understanding other peoples absent mindedness.

nokissymum · 06/06/2011 13:50

I think what the OP is saying IS her friend/neighbour saw her this morning walking her daughter to school in the rain!

The fact that OP didn't ask for a lift the night before is beside the point.
The friend could not have thought she had made alternative arrangements because she SAW her walking to school.

Based on the fact OP has in the past looked after neighbour/friends child, and kids been at same school, and big massive car, would it have been too much to stop as she drove by and kindly offered OP a lift ?

What happened to spontaneous kindness ? Everything has to be formalised, if she didnt ask doesn't matter if she and daughter are soaking wet, she doesn't get ?

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:51

I thought she could take the 4 year old for me as i have done it for her in the past. Not all of us

OP posts:
QuintessentialOldMoo · 06/06/2011 13:52

If OP was running late, would neighbour also be late if she were to stop, get car seats, fold and put a wet pram into the boot, etc... ?

There are somethings which is better to pre arrange.

QuintessentialOldMoo · 06/06/2011 13:53

ah ok

MooMooFarm · 06/06/2011 13:54

But also, as somebody else has said, it's never that simple with giving a child a lift, is it? You need a particular stage car seat for each child, and I'm assuming that the friend doesn't keep 'spare' car seats in her car.

Anyway, to me it seems a very small thing to get so upset about. OP I genuinely think you sound way too upset about this. Is there something else you're stressed out about?

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:56

knidness is very important, thought that is how you make friends and keep them, maybe i should start being a bitch, then i'd have loads of friends, oh no i have loads of friends by being nice to them! pagwatch do you not value kindness?

OP posts:
jeee · 06/06/2011 13:56

If you value this friendship, do not raise the subject with your friend. It will create a barrier in the future.

thegruffalosma · 06/06/2011 13:56

I agree with whoever said on the first page that she was obviously going somewhere first - unless she was planning on getting there early and standing in the rain until the nursery opened.

complexnumber · 06/06/2011 13:58

If you didn't ask her in advance and she saw saw you in the street then there would be no extra booster seats or carseat for the pushchair size kid. Wouldn't it be her that got pulled over by the police for having children that weren't properly restrained, not you? Sounds a bit mean of you that you would expect her to take the risk just because of rain.

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:59

moomoofarm i have alot going on in my life, yes alot of stress but i am not taking it out on this or her or any of you. No she doesnt have a spare, but i was near my house, where i had a booster.

OP posts:
MooMooFarm · 06/06/2011 13:59

jobo stop being so angry! Confused

NettoSuperstar · 06/06/2011 13:59

OP-AIBU

Everyone-Yes

OP-You're alllll mean, MN is horrible.

OP, Do you let your DC take supersoakers to parties by any chance?

Original poster
jobo84 · 06/06/2011 13:59

i am not upset btw nothing to cry over, just was annoyed at her actions was all.

OP posts:
NettoSuperstar · 06/06/2011 14:00

It's only rain ffs it won't kill you.

zukiecat · 06/06/2011 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 06/06/2011 14:03

Kobo

I think you have completely misunderstood my point.
Kindness is giving lifts of course. But kindness is also understanding that someone can have an absentminded moment, or a flash of thoughtlessness.

I am quite capable of seeing someone walking along and saying " oh look dd, it's xxx -wave" and driving past only to suddenly think 5 mins later "holycrap, I should have stopped"

I am pretty sure aim kind, helpful and a good friend.but I am human and I fuck up.

Which is why I wonder why you assume she is being a cow. Is it not more likely, given that you think of her as a friend, that there is a reason why this happened. Is it not kind to give her the benefit of the doubt.

MooMooFarm · 06/06/2011 14:03

Ok so in that case, take a deep breath, assume she just didn't think for some reason, and forget it. It's always best to assume the best of everyone IMO. If she does turn out to be a 'bitch' you'll find that out sooner or later anyway.

Move on - you've just wasted about six hours of your life worrying about nothing!

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