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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with a 'friend' of mine?

195 replies

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 12:49

Today my car was in the garage, the one day it has decided to rain in the past god knows how long. Anyway, my daughter had to go to nursery today, roughly 2 miles away(4 miles there and back), my 8yo wasnt in school today so had her with me too.
Anyway my neighbour (and a friend i thought) 2 doors down, her son goes to the same nursery, she knew i had no car this morning saw me leaving my house and just drove off, in her 7 seater with only 3 seats taken up, she could have offered to take my daughter in as i have taken her son in for her before, babysat etc. Friends are meant to help each other out, but it would seem she isnt the friend i thought she was. It was really chucking it down and everyone knows that you can't hold an umbrella and push a pushchair with handles not a bar.
AIBU to be annoyed by this?
I know my daughter is not her responsibility, but if i had seen her walking in the rain with her baby and son, i would have offered. I have done it before for her.
My husband would have driven us or lent me his car but had to go away on business today and left at the crack of dawn.
I was soaked, ruined my make up lol, and my kids were drenched too, obv not baby as he had raincover.
So AIBU? haven't said anything to her as wanted to know if i would be in the wrong.

OP posts:

Original poster

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 14:03

when its hot yeah, when its warm thats fine, but not when its bloody freezing outside. I didnt say EVERYONE was mean.
Am not angry, WAS annoyed, am now laughing at what is going on, big can of worms opened for one question.
What does supersoakers have to do with any of this?

OP posts:

hester · 06/06/2011 14:07

I don't think anyone's saying the neighbour shouldn't have stopped - I'm certainly not. Of course she should have stopped.

We're just pointing out that jobo is assuming the neighbour thought about the situation and made a decision not to be generous. Which is not necessarily the case.

The neighbour may be a vile person. But if jobo's usual experience of her is that she's ok, then maybe she should give her the benefit of the doubt on this occasion. Oh, and practise some assertive favour-asking.

Original poster

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 14:08

I haven't worried,dont need to tak e a deep breath am perfectly calm tbh, am laughing at some of the comments.
moomoo you presume that i am having an argument, im not,i was just asking opinions, some sided with me others didnt, so my life goes on.

OP posts:

TheFantasticFixit · 06/06/2011 14:08

Seriously?

Don't talk to her. She will think you as mad as many of us do

My dear, have you considered that perhaps MN is not for you

You can get a lovely flashing ticker over there as well...

bupcakesandcunting · 06/06/2011 14:10

Pagwatch · 06/06/2011 14:10

at 'how could op ask for a lift the night before. She didn't know what the weather was going to be like"

Wouldn't it be great if they had that shit on the tv or the radio. They could say stuff like " and now here is the weather". Fucking marvellous idea!

I was in Spain last night and I knew it was going to rain for the school run this morning.

But that is besides the point

Original poster

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 14:10

am not usually the one asking,hester, but the one offering,so find it hard to ask. She and i have been mates for a while and yeah it annoyed me that she didnt stop when she usually stops in good weather just to chat.

OP posts:

TotallyLovely · 06/06/2011 14:12

People have there own stuff going on. I would probably have driven past you, maybe even looked at you and it still wouldn't have registered that you needed a lift. I have a million things going on in my head!

Panzee · 06/06/2011 14:13

I wonder if she'd just got some really bad news?
Was rushing to nursery on way to tend to sick/dying relative?
Maybe the car smells of eggs?
Maybe she's growing hash in the glove box and didn't want to risk you finding out?
There could be a hundred reasons why she didn't stop. One of them could be because she doesn't like you - because you get all upset about a little thing maybe? One of them could be because she's a selfish cow. But if you thought you would want a lift if it was raining, you really should have asked earlier. You live and learn.

Original poster

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 14:15

maybe just maybe my area doesnt show up on the weather when on tv, areas that are about 15 miles away do,and when i checked online it said cloudy. So theres the answer to that one.
When it snowed, there was a blizzard 3 miles away yet where i was was clear,no snow. But i suppose that doesnt actually happen and if its raining in 1 place it must be raining everywhere right?

OP posts:

hester · 06/06/2011 14:17

jobo, one of the things I do is to adopt a carer role with other people - I listen to their problems, lend them money, take care of their kids, research solutions for them. I'm fully aware that part of the reason i do this is because I feel, deep down, that this is the only way I can get people to value me, and I hope that by doing it they will get the hint and do some of it back to me in return.

What happens? They like it. They get comfy with it. They don't reciprocate. I have taken on the carer role and they are quite happy to leave me there.

So I seethe. Silently at first, but every now and again it explodes in great volcanoes of rage.

Do you think you had one of those moments this morning? Maybe this is a valuable lesson in showing you that you haven't got the balance right in your relationships?

Original poster

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 14:18

i didnt have time to ring round and get a lift,she came straight home so guess the dying relative is out of the question,if she doesn't like me then maybe she should stop being a two faced cow and tell me to my face rather than using me

OP posts:

OldMacEIEIO · 06/06/2011 14:18

What I dont understand is why you were both leaving at the same time. Either she gets there 40 minutes early
or she has 40 minutes of chores to do before she gets there

which might explain why she didnt have time to stop.

but if she did see you, and wasnt in a hurry, she is deffo a cyber bitch from hell

Original poster

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 14:18

hester, you are probably right.

OP posts:

shirleyshortcut · 06/06/2011 14:19

she was probably on auto pilot and didnt even register that you were walking in the rain

Original poster

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 14:20

i was late, she wasnt. Wanted the rain to ease up just a little from the downpour.

OP posts:

fifi25 · 06/06/2011 14:20

When she needs a lift OP remind her your busy and the last time you walked it, it didnt take that long even with the rain

Pagwatch · 06/06/2011 14:21

Kobo
Again. Missing my point. I was laughing at zukie suggesting that it is impossible for anyone to ever know what the weather will be the next day.it is quite funny when you think about it

I am not being rude or aggressive with you. I have tried to give you reasonable responses given that you and your friend can help each other and it would be a shame to sully that over what may be a misunderstanding. But you seem to want hostility.

TheFantasticFixit · 06/06/2011 14:21

Now she is a two faced cow?

Original poster

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 14:21

got to go

OP posts:

drivemecrazy63 · 06/06/2011 14:23

i think some people are just either unobservant and/or a bit rude i would have offered a lift to you , but i have a neighbour who has a can and one day whe will walk another she will drive weird thing is she often drives in summer and walks in winter beats the hell out of me, so if in the rain i dont offer her a lift its because shes a bit odd anyway that and a snobby neighbour.. i get where your comming from though jobo84 welcome to MN im fairly new too . something bad may have happened or perhaps just as she was leaving a phone call or maybe she was in a rush for some reason or other id joke when i see her n say oi you i was cursing you earlier when the wind blew my brolly inside out and laugh ,,,see what she says may been a good reason orrrr maybe shes the one whos a bit dim

Panzee · 06/06/2011 14:23

Actually I work with a person like this. Does everything for everyone but gets annoyed if they don't fawn over her for doing it, or do stuff 'back'. It's like she only does things to get recognition. I can almost see her in the corner of the office, rocking, saying "but I'm a good person, I am...". No love, you're a doormat.

mozette · 06/06/2011 14:24

how do you know she went straight home? You would have dropped off at nursery at the same time but you have to walk 2 miles whereas she has her car. It would have taken you a lot longer than her to get home.

Original poster

jobo84 · 06/06/2011 14:24

look asked a question pagwatch i apologise i thought you were referring me to being dim again.
Fantasticfix, if you read the thread ten you will see that usually she talks to me and is friendly, i am of the opinion if you dont like someone then dont be friends with them,so she may well be being two faced

OP posts:

drivemecrazy63 · 06/06/2011 14:24

a neighbour with a can wtf i mean with a car ...unless its a LADA then i was right first time lol

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