Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Mum should offer a little financial help

308 replies

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 15:20

If you are struggling to make ends meet and your parents (well just my Mum in my case) know about this do you think they should offer you some kind of financial help if they can? Just wondering everyone's take on this, don't want to go into personal details particularly but it grates just a little bit when my Mum is buying and selling properties and investing lots of money alongside taking a holiday abroad every few months. I told her about a debt situation and she said 'well, our money is all tied up'. This is towards her pension.
I don't expect hand outs but just the odd bit of help would be appreciated.
What do others parents do, if anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 15:21

I didn't ask her for money by the way but told her how much debt I was in.

OP posts:
BulletWithAName · 31/05/2011 15:22

YANBU. If you can help your children, you should. I know I would if mine needed help when they're older.

lesley33 · 31/05/2011 15:22

It depends. If you were struggling to pay for food, clothes, gas bill, my parents would help out their children. If you wanted a bigger house or holidays they wouldn't help out,

bluemoongirly · 31/05/2011 15:22

Depends what you spending the money on, there is no way on earth my mum would give me money unless we were going to be thrown out on our ears.

MonstaMunch · 31/05/2011 15:23

If you are struggling to make ends meet and your parents (well just my Mum in my case) know about this do you think they should offer you some kind of financial help if they can?

no, not at all

nice if they do but under absolutely no obligation

Rapaccioli · 31/05/2011 15:23

Absolutely not.

As an adult I am not my parents' responsibility.

If they were to offer that would be very nice, wouldn't it, but there is no "should offer financial help" about it, none whatsoever.

YABU to think otherwise.

scurryfunge · 31/05/2011 15:23

Does she feel strongly about you being in debt?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/05/2011 15:24

How much will you be able/willing to help her out in her old age, if she gives you money now instead of putting it away for her pension?

MumblingRagDoll · 31/05/2011 15:24

Mine will on ocassion borrow me some....nothing more than 2 or 3 hundred and then only in a crisis. I have always paid back. It's not their responsibility really is it? Unless they're rolling in it....if your parents have made careful retirement plans then wy should they dip into it because you hve debts?

TattyDevine · 31/05/2011 15:27

It might be difficult for your mother - she might not want to "demasculate" your partner, some partners would get snippy about someone else swooping in to help, particularly if you hadn't actually asked.

She might think your debt situation could have been avoided and she will simply be facilitating more debt.

There might be lots of things. Hard to say.

Silver1 · 31/05/2011 15:29

You may talk about debts and struggling to pay for things, but your mum seems to be trying to enjoy life and fund her retirement through property in a fragile property market. Why not she has earned it, and sorted her finances to pay for it.
Once she is too old to work that's it for her.
You also don't know how much personal debt she is looking to pay off and she may not have access to spare cash (not her retirement pot) to bail you out.

If you have serious debt troubles, go the CAB or sort out a debt restructuring plan--but don't expect a bail out from family and friends, nothing sours a relationship faster.

Earlybird · 31/05/2011 15:29

How did you get into so much debt? What was the money spent on?

tiredgranny · 31/05/2011 15:31

WAY THINGS R GOING MIGHT NEED ALL THEIR CASH TO PAY NURSING HOMES ETC MY MUM HELPS MY SISTERS BUT WOULD NOT GIVE HER SATISFACTION OF ASKING HER FOR HELP YES BALE MY KIDS OUT ALL THE TIME

usualsuspect · 31/05/2011 15:31

I would help my kids out in a heartbeat if they were struggling and I had the money to spare

LineRunner · 31/05/2011 15:32

My dad would help me out if I was really struggling because he wouldn't want me to risk my home or health by taking out a loan elsewhere.

BUT he would be furious with me if I'd got into debt by unnecessary overspending. For instance, if he had to make a mortgage payment for me because I'd gone on a weekend break, or had Sky Sports installed, or had the heating on full blast for three months, or got an I-phone, or an addiction to organic smoked salmon, he'd be pretty hacked off - and I wouldn't blame him.

If I was struggling because I lost my job through no fault of my own, however, and I needed help to tide me over temporarily, he would want to help. He would regard it as a loan, though.

MorticiaAddams · 31/05/2011 15:33

I'm with Rapaccioli. As an adult I wouldn't dream of asking my parents for money or expecting them to fund my life.

BulletWithAName · 31/05/2011 15:33

Thank you usualsuspect!

Just because they are grown up and not legally my responsibility, morally, they will be until the day I die.

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 15:34

You're right, I am being unreasonable. I've spent bits and pieces on things for the family which has got out of hand now some freelance work I have been doing has stopped. It was more to avoid the horrendous interest charges I was thinking. I woudl borrow money off her to pay off debts but pay her back at a better interest rate than she woudl be getting on her savings. It was just an idea.

OP posts:
vmcd28 · 31/05/2011 15:34

I agree with most people. theyre under no obligation whatsoever - why should they be? Theyve spent out thousands on you over the years - now it's their turn.
And a lot probably depends on why you're in debt - I'm not judging you at all, I have a lot of debts too - but she may not want to "fuel" something further, for example.

usualsuspect · 31/05/2011 15:35

My kids are grown up and I have helped them out in the past

I'm skint now though, so they have no chance Grin

katvond · 31/05/2011 15:36

Sorry but I do feel YABU your parents may not have any money or be as flush as you thought. I'm sure if they could help they would. Your an adult now and my parents are pensioners no way would I ask them. Years ago when we was not doing well my parents could give us money but my mother would fill a bag of shopping for us, tins of soup etc. That was a big big help.

catwhiskers10 · 31/05/2011 15:36

I don't think they should
I think it's nice to think they would do if they are able to but it shouldn't be expected of them.
I agree with what other posters have said about it depending what you are spending your money on.

suburbophobe · 31/05/2011 15:36

I presume your mother has worked hard to get to where she is now, and no, I don't think parents are forever financially responsible for their adult children.

Nice if they help out, but under no obligation imho.

cannydoit · 31/05/2011 15:36

no, i would never expect my mum to give me money and would struggle to accept if she offered. i am a grown up, she has lived her life and done her own struggling and got her self in to a decent financial position now its my turn.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 31/05/2011 15:36

Mine would help if we were really in the shit through no fault of our own, but just getting yourself in a mess due to overspending is a different thing entirely. So which is it in your situation?

I hope I will be in a position in the future to help my DCs if they need it, but again I wouldn't be happy about being seen as the fall back if they cannot be financially responsible.

Swipe left for the next trending thread