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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Mum should offer a little financial help

308 replies

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 15:20

If you are struggling to make ends meet and your parents (well just my Mum in my case) know about this do you think they should offer you some kind of financial help if they can? Just wondering everyone's take on this, don't want to go into personal details particularly but it grates just a little bit when my Mum is buying and selling properties and investing lots of money alongside taking a holiday abroad every few months. I told her about a debt situation and she said 'well, our money is all tied up'. This is towards her pension.
I don't expect hand outs but just the odd bit of help would be appreciated.
What do others parents do, if anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 16:26

I am unreasonable, I do expect some money off my parents as I have had no support at all financially and I think they are throwing money away on countless holidays. I will sort out my own debt and I know how I can do this but I still think parents should try to help out a little bit. I don't think this is terrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 16:27

The fact that I was never taken on holiday as a kid could be a factor here! (books appointment with therapist)

OP posts:
TheBolter · 31/05/2011 16:28

I know of several grown adults who rely on their parent's money:

  1. Person A has had two houses bought for her, school fees for her dcs paid for and a monthly income from her mind-bogglingly wealthy df
  1. Person B has her regularly pissed-up-the-wall credit card bills paid for her by her df
  1. Person C is the eternal student having her fourth, fifth? uni course paid for by her dps (she is now approaching 40)

And I could name probably 20+ friends who have all had leg-ups from family money in buying houses and starting businesses, often both.

...Just to put some balance on the op's feelings of entitlement!!

(I am rather proud to say that dh and I have and are doing pretty well having had NO HELP whatsoever from our parents in the post-uni years Smile).

likale · 31/05/2011 16:28

Whether you think they are throwing money away or not is neither here nor there thoughn is it. It is their money and they can spend it on whatever they wish and if they wish to spend it on holidays then that is their perogative.

fgaaagh · 31/05/2011 16:28

OP, sort yourself out. The advice to do so is available online.

I've even less sympathy with every post you write. I wonder if the same attitude is evident to your mum?Hm.

scuzy · 31/05/2011 16:28

would you teach your kids its ok if you ever have debt or money woes come to me i'll sort them?

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 16:29

I didn't have any help through uni either and managed to leave with a £500 overdraft.

OP posts:
DooinMeCleanin · 31/05/2011 16:29

My mum would give me money just for the sake of giving if she could afford it. She often does if she wins a large amount at bingo. It always comes with a warning that it is for me and only me Grin

Equally I help her out as much as I can when she needs it. I recently paid for her dogs vets bills when she was struggling. I couldn't really afford them myself, but they needed paying and she physically did not have the cash or available credit. We did.

However she is not in any way obliged to help me, nor would I ever ask her to.

katvond · 31/05/2011 16:29

The OP is selfish and thinks her parents owe her, get in the real world, your an adult now they are your kids so stop bitching. Sympathy for the OP is waining more and more.

bbbbob · 31/05/2011 16:29

If I was faced with homelessness or was unable to pay my bills through no fault of my own Ie redundancy then my dad would do all he could to help me out.
but if I expected him to subsidise me after I had bought ^stuff I needed or thought I needed^ then he would quite rightly say no.
For me the phrase thought I needed implies that you spent what you couldn't afford.
Yes in the future I would love to be able to help out my DC financially wherever possible, but not if it stopped them growing up and taking responsibility for their spending.

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 16:29

No I would teach them how to budget and never have credit cards.

OP posts:
scuzy · 31/05/2011 16:29

fgaaagh i wondered the same. perhaps mum is wiser than you think with your spending.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 31/05/2011 16:30

MrsTittleMouse - exactly.

My grandma helped out my feckless aunt again and again - and it was always 'for the children'. My grandma is now approaching 90, still in reasonable health but she is struggling financially because she has lived a long life in retirement. She has told me that she regrets giving away so much 10-15 years ago, because she could really do with the cash now.
Fortunately my Dad and his brother are able to help her out financially, but she feels guilty and regrets her choices.

Now what if I, and my siblings, still felt entitled to help from our parents also? Should he - now working part-time at the start of retirement himself - be supporting both his elderly mother AND his adult children? No final salary pension scheme in the world was designed to cope with that kind of drain.

There is kindness among family, and helping in dire need, and gifts. And then there is the kind of attitude the OP has, which is very wrong IMO.

katvond · 31/05/2011 16:30

I didnt have help through uni either OP as many of us relied on bar work and student loans. Stop fucking moaning. No one owes you.

scuzy · 31/05/2011 16:30

well then take your own flippin advice then??? ah poor you never went on a holiday. ah here... tis a slap across the head you want. you have kids and a home - YOU support them!

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 16:32

Perhaps she is.

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 16:32

Thanks scuzy, will do so

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 16:33

Sorry I think it is quite normal to feel a bit resentful when my Mum is going on countless holidays and she never took us anywhere as kids.

OP posts:
scuzy · 31/05/2011 16:33

how old are you muttimalzwei as a matter of interest ....

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 16:33

very immature for my age, obviously

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe80nappies · 31/05/2011 16:34

'throwing away money on holidays' Hmm

People can take as many holidays as they like, it is none of your business!

Perhaps you think they should give their money to you, so that you can 'throw it away' on things for your house and your kids.

katvond · 31/05/2011 16:34

OP you need to hear other MN users tales of hardship, yours is probably nothing compared to some families, homeless living in hostels and B&Bs
You need to wake up and see what you've got

scuzy · 31/05/2011 16:34

did she feed you, cloth you, love you, give you an education?

you are soooo materialisitic. is that how you are with YOUR kids?

scuzy · 31/05/2011 16:35

reading your replies i'm starting to think this is just a wind up

katvond · 31/05/2011 16:35

You sound like a spoiled brat