To think my Mum should offer a little financial help

[muttimalzwei]

If you are struggling to make ends meet and your parents (well just my Mum in my case) know about this do you think they should offer you some kind of financial help if they can? Just wondering everyone's take on this, don't want to go into personal details particularly but it grates just a little bit when my Mum is buying and selling properties and investing lots of money alongside taking a holiday abroad every few months. I told her about a debt situation and she said 'well, our money is all tied up'. This is towards her pension.
I don't expect hand outs but just the odd bit of help would be appreciated.
What do others parents do, if anything?

No mutti, you're really not imo. If you were mine, I'd help you if I could without a second thought. I'd rather you owe me money than cripple yourself with interest.

sorry, x-posted. You sound very reasonable now :)
Hope you get things sorted out.

Ok x-posts. I think in your situation YABU, as you have admitted.

But if you are going to view it as a loan and you could be a good investment for her then put it to her that way. Do you have secure income that will enable you to repay anything she loans you?

With me OP I work for myself, if business is dire, I get a part time job to help out with the bills. Just cause your freelance work as dried up doesn't mean you can't work. I've cleaned, ironed and even dog walked for people for money.

YABU your parents can spend their money on what they want once their children reach adulthood. They might want to help their children but I don't think they are obliged to.

I think to borrow if you both agree is ok and if you're literally can't even afford to buy smartprice baked beans then YANBU but in other cases I think not.

YABU. You are an adult and responsible for your own finances. It would be nice if your Mum offered to help you but YABU to feel entitled to help.

Yes I do have secure income. I'm not going to ask her though. If she makes that decision on her own, fine. But in the meantime I'll just pay off the debts as quickly as I can at interest.

In terms of what she has spent on me since I was 18, nothing.

bullet, "If you were mine, I'd help you if I could without a second thought. I'd rather you owe me money than cripple yourself with interest."
But we all need to learn (including me!) how to be sensible with money and not have an instant bail-out from family. We know what interest rates etc are before borrowing, so it shouldnt be a surprise that suddenly there are debts to pay

Birthday presents aside, obviously.

What does "Ok x-posts" mean? x

yabu. why should your debts be your mum's responsibility? You are an adult now not a child.

I like to think that I would help my children, if they'd were adults, with a one off unexpected thing, such as a member of their family needing private medical treatment, or suddenly needing a new roof. All the kind of shit that happens occasionally, unforeseen, causes horrible stress, and wipes people out financially.
I'd like to think I'd be strong enough to not help them out financially if they continually lived beyond their means, and got into debt that way. Because, it's easy to live beyond your means whatever amount you earn, you have to learn to be disciplined, and having someone to bail you out time and time again stops you learning.
Of course these things aren't black and white, and there are a lot of tricky situations that fall somewhere in the middle.
Op, do you think your mum thinks that if she bails you out you won't have learned the hard way? Or is she selfish? Or something else?
Maybe if you tell her that you admire how organised she is with money, and ask her advice in how to cut costs/earn extra to pay off your debts, and follow her advice, then after a while she may feel confident in being able to make you a loan?

Final salary pensions, making money on property - there are some very wealthy people around now whose adult children will be pooer than they are. partly because the property boom which has paid for their conservatories and saga cruises has left the next generation steeped in debt trying to afford to house themselves. So yanbu. It insenses me watching my pil jet off on their fourth holiday of the year while one of their children (my unwell 50 yr old sil) struggles to make ends meet. what happeed to cariing for your family?

My parents haven't given me anything other than presents since I got married. I don't expect anything at all but yes it would be nice!

I understand your frustration. If I were in your mother's place I would want to help you out, and your suggestion of a loan to be repaid with interest sounds more than reasonable. It could well be that her money really is tied up, however.
Whilst I strongly believe that as adults we should be responsible for our own financial independence, it can feel strange at times to be struggling whilst your parents and siblings are very well off. In my own case, our situation is ok, we have a decent house, an ok car and a couple of holidays a year. Meanwhile, however, my parents are extremely wealthy and could easily buy us a much larger house with bedrooms to spare, so that dc2 & dc3 wouldn't have to share a room. Perhaps they actually would too, if I were to ask. I'll never know for sure, though, because I wouldn't ever dream of asking.

YANBU, I would expect my parents to help me out if they could and likewise I would help them out if they needed it.

It has nothing to do with me being their responsibility, it is just I feel families should be able to turn to each other and offer help (be it finacial or otherwise) in hard times.

YABU, you chose to get into debt and should take full responsibility for it. If you know someone will bail you out then you wont learn anything and the cycle will repeat.

It insenses me watching my pil jet off on their fourth holiday of the year while one of their children (my unwell 50 yr old sil) struggles to make ends meet. what happeed to cariing for your family?

My PIL are like this. Moaning to us how they can only (!) afford a cruise this year whilst I had no carpets on my floors and worrying where to scrape the money together to buy my son new shoes. Thankfully, things have improved a bit, but I don't know how they had the audacity to say that to us when they knew how we were struggling.

Spudulika, thank you. I am getting a bit tired of the indulgence of pensioners I see around me. Yes she deserves a good retirement as we all do but to hear her say about the holiday she is taking in a few weeks 'I don't really feel like I need a holiday' just annoys me. Put the money towards a new bed for your grandson then?! (which we can't afford just now) To be honest, I think my mother would help me if she could but my stepdad wouldn't allow it. She hasn't contributed towards anything for all three of her kids in our adult lives and I think that is partly because she has been married to men that wouldn't have allowed it and she was too worried about the fall out of asking for any money.

joogle, the point is that bailing each other out doesnt stop it happening over and over again

I would probably help.

But there are provisos. My sister is constantly in debt and constantly expecting to be bailed out. My parents always bailed her out. As a result she has never ever learnt to manage her money.
If she was given money to clear her debt and much more besides she would be in debt again in a year.

If she had had to stand on her own two feet years ago she might not have grown up with no concept of financial responsibility.

Equally mixing family and money often breeds resentment along the line.

I guess what I am saying is that these situations are always specific. So whilst I would always want to help there may be circumstances where I would feel I shouldn't.

That's interesting, muttimalzwei, I'd wondered whether there might be a stepfather involved here...

I don't believe in being bailed out at all. That is no help to anyone.