to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

"The more women who keep their stories a secret, when they maybe would like to speak about it, the more the idea that it is a shameful thing to do, to be kept hidden, continues."

Exactly Yorkie. And if the only ones who speak out are the ones that do regret it, then that gives a very one sided picture.

Oh yes, those posting in support of the OP are the aggressive ones alright. I see it so clearly now.

Not the poster telling someone to "piss off" and suggesting that she was being inappropriate with sharing her serious illness with those around her. Or is cancer something else that is Not Nice And Not To Be Discussed?

Well seeing as so many people who have had bad experiences are quite happy about this thread. I apologise.

Obviously it will actually help more people than I thought it would harm.

YANBU (at all).

This is very relevant now that the coalition are bringing avowed anti-abortionists like Life to the table to discuss sexual health (!) and the Catholic Children's Society are talking to teenagers about sex (!). You would have to be very naieve not to see where this is going.

Keeping women quiet about any injustice (ie lack of access to abortion) by trying to make them ashamed of it, telling them it is dirty, generally stigmatising certain behaviour is a very old method of control, used through the church for centuries, and the Government more recently.

I am old enough to remember previous Tory Governments sustained attacks on abortion rights (the Corrie Bill). I wouldn't be surprised if this is their agenda.

The posters using language like "nasty" "insensitive" "disrespectful" to post about this are missing the point. The need for abortion should not be hidden, and people should not be ashamed. Talking about it is not boasting.

It is beginning to look as if we are going to have to fight for access to sex education, contraception and abortion for coming generations of women all over again.

Calling people names for being open and insisting they be quiet in case they upset somebody is playing it into the hands of the anti abortionists. I can';t believe the critical posters really want them to set the agenda?

Leave us alone and we will attack eachother, sadly.

Oh littleone

I am not made of stone. My BIL recently had a baby (DP's brother) and he looks very much like DP. I did think that the baby I aborted would have looked like that, and that was very poignant. Not regretful, albeit somewhat wistful.

HOWEVER having the baby would have meant that DP and I would have split up (probably, we lived miles apart) and it would have had a detrimental effect on dd. My career would also have been fucked.

24 years on from my abortion this thread has just made me feel less guilty. 24 years of guilt for actually not regretting it, I faked remorse to my Mum who was the only one who knew about it. I regret having to do it but not the decision itself.

Thank you Getorf, I get you.

This thread has been quite eye-opening. I never realised there was such a fine line between pro- and anti-choice for many people.

Thanks everyone anyway who has responded, both those who hunderstand my point of view and those who think I am a dickhead.

'hunderstand'

Sorry I don't really get this thread? Yanbu to not be ashamed, I'm happy for you. This won't change the circumstances of the people who have had an abortion and feel terrible about it.

I FF instead of BF some people are perfectly happy with their choice and not ashamed. I am devastated and I think I will genuinely spend my life feeling I have done my daughter wrong by not BF her. A thread where people say 'I FF and am not ashamed and couldn't give a fuck' wont help me.

If you aren't ashamed and it doesn't matter why start a thread about it? Someone started' I am a prostitute and don't feel ashamed' thread a couple days ago.... Why did she start the thread then?

Everyone is different I am genuinely happy and respect your right to choose, but really this is an odd thread.

Well I find this thread a little bleurgh to be honest.
I have never had an abortion but have always been passionately pro-choice.
However, now that DH and I are struggling to conceive it has made me rethink the abortion subject.
I still passionately believe every woman should have the right to choose what happens to her body and for abortions to be carried out safely, for free and with dignity.
However, if you have every struggled to have a baby you must see how this is a bit vile and insensitive. Especially as it really is a miracle when you look into the chaces of getting pregnant in a month, it sticking, not miscarrying etc etc
I am not saying you should feel guilty but you shoudl recognise its quite a big call and not to be taken lightly or frankly to be proud of it? Bit weird

YANBU and Life as an organisation is starting to become more mainstream when it's abortion views are not and I'm appalled they are going to be part if any government initiative. The cheeky buggers had the nerve to take a stand at my local fete with no honesty about what the actually do (I looked them up and was horrified that their cute baby picture belied an affiliation with the likes of Nadine Dorries).

GetOrf you are brave to put yourself out there. I'd be standing along side you but I am fortunate enough to never have needed a termination. I would hope if I had made the decision to terminate I would have no regrets too.

Excellent post, myfriendflicka

I didn't want a row, just to be clear, and didn't deliberately want to stir up a hornets nest.

I feel quite paranoid that people think i am that kind of poster. I am normally to be found posting such gems as 'how do I make scones' and 'look at my kittens'.

This reminds me of a website I found years ago called I'm Not Sorry, where women could tell their stories about abortion and about how they feel they made the right decision and they're not sorry. I hope it still exists. I don't feel guilty, or ashamed. I do feel incredibly sad. But I'm not sorry. I did the right thing. It was the hardest day of my life but I wouldn't change it. If I could change the circumstances and have my baby now, I would but I couldn't have her then. I'm not a bad person and neither is anyone else on this thread who has had an abortion. Well done to everyone who can feel they can talk about it. This really means a lot to me. Thank you!

farfall, I'm sorry that you are in the position you are. However, we, those of us who are infertile, whether with or without children already, do not ALL feel that this is "a bit vile and insensitive". Neither my past miscarriage nor my infertility has nothing to do with my desire to see that the OP and other women are not stigmatised for opting to have an abortion.

I can't see how the OP is being 'vile' at all. She's not saying that abortion is to be taken lightly, FFS (hasn't she made that clear enough?).

Don't worry GetOrf, I hunderstand

Vall, I was not saying you should not tell people you had cancer. But what, may I ask would be the reason to tell people you had an abortion? Having cancer will obviously affect your work and appearance, so you would choose who to tell. I doubt people with cancer go around telling everyone because it's none of their business.

I don't understand why people who have had abortions and have no issues with it feel the need to tell everyone? Why? Most people don't want to know. Why should we? I don't think this is a brave thread or a useful thread tbh. You say you have no issues around it and others have joined in saying the same. But if you have no issues and no regrets then what is the big deal?

Normally women start threads for support. I simply don't get this one. It appears to have no point.

Here's your ball back Vall, lovely to see you again btw, you and me always did get along so well didn't we? Oh and I do reserve the right to tell a poster to piss off if they have addressed me personally. I'm sure Vall wouldn't want it any other way.

** has ANYTHING to do with, not "has nothing to do with".

Apologies.

The point of the thread to me is that others will feel like the OP. But as you're only allowed to discuss abortion if you feel racked with guilt they might feel as though they have to put on a show of guilt - like a pp did or feel they are somehow wrong or abnormal to feel the way they do.

I havent had an abortion myself but i dont disagree with it. I thought about it with one of my dd's. Its up to the individual and tbh i would feel more guilty bringing up a child i did not want and resenting it.

OP It sounds like you made the right decision for you

I am not saying the OP is vile, just the whole concept of this thread.
I, personally, find it distasteful. Probably because it is close to the bone for me at the moment. Last year I would have felt very differently and I recognise that is inconsistent and ilogical. But its what I feel.

I do not claim to speak for all people in this position or that everyone would find this thread insensitive. I personally do though.

Rhubs, I am trying to understand your points, but you seemed at first to say that it was insensitive to women that DID feel guilt, and then later to say that it was a pointless thread because no one gives a shit. And you seem to be very very cross.

Why are you so angry about it?

Why are you throwing balls at each other?

Rhubarb the reason why I am posting this is because the defualt mental position for abortion in my experience is that most people feel guilty, or feel as if they SHOULD feel guilty.

There are plently of discussions on here about opinions which go against recieved wisdom, such as 'i don't breastfeed and I don't care' and 'my house is a mess and I don't give a shit' and 'i smack my children it never did me any harm'. All of which are ripe for debate (as is going on here), but I don't see that opinions like that are invalid, and pointless to discuss.