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to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

1000 replies

GetOrfMoiCase · 26/05/2011 13:00

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 29/05/2011 10:14

Oh my God, I feel sick. Even taking the damaged incubator out of the question, to make the decision to deliberately deliver the precious fetus at 23 weeks? And that is less cruel than an earlier termination?

Moral absolutism is a cop out. Once you've made your decision that all abortion is murder then you no longer have to trouble yourself with weighing up moral judgements.
How comforting for you Queen.
I would like to hear your take on Angela Carder's case.

differentnameforthis · 29/05/2011 10:18

Surely it is better to be more careful with contraception in the first place?

ONCE AGAIN they trot out the bullshit that we got pregnant because we didn't use contraception or didn't use it efficiently.

Mini pill

Had NO idea that they failed until I started to throw up at 4 weeks!

So in my case and many, if you actually care to read, contraception WAS used.

It fails, you know!

sparky246 · 29/05/2011 10:27

i believe in god and ive followed my religion for over thirty years-its not a mainstream one!
its my belief that if a baby is lost for whatever reason it will come back at another time and place!
the time wasnt right and theres a reason for this.
its man who judges women that have abortions-not god!
so-yes-youre right!

differentnameforthis · 29/05/2011 10:35

I was 19, unprepared and my child was unplanned, obviously not unwanted

There in lies the difference. You wanted your unborn baby!

youngwomanwholivesinashoe · 29/05/2011 10:37

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queenmarythegreat · 29/05/2011 10:43

So much rage, so little time to address it all.
You have twisted what I said.
Let me remind you:

Abortion is murder. I think that's a perfectly reasonable position to hold, given that the fetus is by any objective standard, a human life)
Is it ever right to murder?
Sometimes perhaps.
For example in self defence, when someone poses a grave risk to the lives of other people*.

I have difficulty seeing the fetus as a threat in and of itself, because after all, it is entirely innocent of anything other than taking up residence in the womb of it's mother.
Abortion for rape is to give the child the death penalty for the crime of her father.

That said, could I suffer to see my 9 year old going through a pregnancy that her little body could hardly bear?
I have to acknowledge that this would be an excruciatingly difficult decision for me. To arrange for my grandchild, or grandchildren, to be killed in order to spare my daughter this suffering?
Just agonising.
I would want to explore all the possibilities. Could a child be delivered at say, 23 weeks, giving the babies at least a fighting chance?
A child that has been raped consistently since the age of six must be utterly traumatised and damaged. Is the act of killing new life going to help heal, or compound and worsen, the violence that has been done to her?
All I can say is that I certainly could not blame the family of this child for taking the decision they did.
But that doesn't change the fact that abortion remains murder, whatever the circumstances.

Are you so blinded by the frenzy to defend and uphold the holy right to abort that you cannot even give my words a fair reading?

differentnameforthis · 29/05/2011 10:44

Is an unloved, unwanted life better than no life at all

No it isn't better. It sucks. I have a mother who hates me. I have a mother who resents me & let me know that everyday for the 18yrs I lived at home. I won't go into details of her neglect of me, because I have said it a thousand times.

Would I have preferred not to have been born?

I can't answer that, but I can tell you that I wished I had a mother who loved me & one that gave a shit about my life as I grew up! As it was , she was talked out of a termination. And she regrets that, and me.

queenmarythegreat · 29/05/2011 10:47

I never said ANYWHERE that I would force a nine year old to be pregnant
Your wilful twisiting of my words is quite digusting too.
I think it is very instructive that not one person ( having scanned the comments, it appears that way) has given my thoughtful and honest answer a sincere hearing.

swallowedAfly · 29/05/2011 10:55

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queenmarythegreat · 29/05/2011 10:56

i don't see really how you can have such a solid 'life is sacred' stance without a belief in god, a benevolent, all powerful being

You have to believe in God to think it is wrong to murder innocent life?
I have already said that by any objective standard the fetus is a human life.
Someone back there said it isn't. They are objectively wrong.
If it isn't human or alive what is it then?
Do you know how humanity and "life" are classified?
The fetus meets the criteria.
It is a living human.
Therefore abortion is murder.

queenmarythegreat · 29/05/2011 11:02

once you'd weighed up the options would you force the 9 yr old child to go through pregnancy or would you book a termination?

that will be your honest answer and we'll take it from there. unfortunately the devil is in the details not in the lofty pronouncements

How can I weigh all the options when I ddon't have all the facts?
Lets go ask the child how she feels shall we?
You are all so certain that you know EXACTLY what needs to be done to fix this extremely ghastly and complex problem.
I'm not.

I already said I could not blame the parents for the decision they took.

queenmarythegreat · 29/05/2011 11:04

And just wow.
To the poster (i think it was wowowow) who said that a midwife should be forced to participate in abortions or lose her job.

swallowedAfly · 29/05/2011 11:06

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swallowedAfly · 29/05/2011 11:07

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escapeartist · 29/05/2011 11:08

The definition of alive is not clear here. A person in a coma can be "alive", a person can be sustained by machines, yet it is legal to switch off life support. In the case of a fetus, the life support IS the mother. Not only that, but supporting the fetus, has a direct effect on her health, mental or otherwise.

Is it ok to switch off life support of an adult in a coma, but not decide whether you want your body to be "life support" for a baby (to use your terminology) who could not live without you and whom you might not want to have?

Aside form that, I have to say I respect the way you believe so strongly that it is wrong. It is your right, as t is your right not to have an abortion should you ever find yourself in that situation. As long as it does not affect your practice as a mw (and i don't think it necessarily should, as people have implied further upthread).

Although I have had an abortion, I also think it is fundamentally wrong. Is that a paradox? Maybe. I can do something wrong and sleep ok at night - I chose the lesser of two evils and I am OK with it. I am happy that other women can be too.

swallowedAfly · 29/05/2011 11:10

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queenmarythegreat · 29/05/2011 11:11

OH for goodness sake
Give me one scenario
Just ONE where this could happen
There is none. Because there is
No such thing as an emergency abortion!!!!!!!!!!!!!

swallowedAfly · 29/05/2011 11:12

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queenmarythegreat · 29/05/2011 11:13

In an emergency, by far the quickest. lifesaving option, is always to deliver the baby pronto.
It takes longer to kill the baby first and then deliver it

swallowedAfly · 29/05/2011 11:14

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queenmarythegreat · 29/05/2011 11:16

A sane and reflective pro choice comment.
The first in a long time.
I would say more but I must get off the computer, RL pressing

queenmarythegreat · 29/05/2011 11:19

If there is an emergency during an abortion, say a catastrophic bleed,
that is not an abortion!.
Naturally I would assist.
Please understand the distinction between performing an abortion and saving a life.

sparky246 · 29/05/2011 11:25

if a woman goes into hospital just under the "viable"time
and she says she is in labour and they say shes not then leaves her laying there for ages-then she has the baby and no one even trys to save the baby
because its unviable[even though its alive]
do you see this as murder also?

SuchProspects · 29/05/2011 11:37

I just want to point out that women's bodies reflexively abort all the time (some doctors are beginning to think the majority of fertilized eggs are aborted) without our conscious participation. I find it difficult to reconcile the reality of our nature with the idea that we should simply accept a fetus as the same as a baby.

NulliusInVerba · 29/05/2011 11:45

Well, I am suprised I come back here to an actual answer!! Even though the question wasnt mine I didnt think there would be one so I gave up and went to bed!!

Basically, I think queenmary is entitled to her view. I can totally see why some people dont like abortion.

But saying abortion is totally wrong in all circumstances creates problems as weve seen here. She couldnt win could she, because she had painted herself into a corner with her absolute view of abortion. If she came back and said, yes this little girl can have one, then she has just gone against her own views and people would tear it apart saying "well if her, why not her?" etc etc, and if she said no then she is a monster.

To suggest that a 9 yr old have a c-section, to deliver a probably un viable baby, is madness. What happens when the baby arrives? Are you going to make a nine yr old raise it aswell? And if the girl was a victim of incest by her father etc that baby has a high chance of deformities.

I agree with SAF on this point - it does appear that the poor girl is viewed as "damaged" anyway so cannot come back to the "pure and innocent" status you afforded to the unborn baby, so lets just save the baby.

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