to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

ebbandflow

Agreed that it is a hard subject. But much of the reason for that is that is because it is seen as taboo!

Was the "condom failure" that DP failed to wear one? I find it unbelievable that A a condom would fail, B the spermicide inside would not kill the sperm and C that it would happen at exactly the right time to acheive conception

So op is a liar now, is she? Condoms never fail?

Guess what, my accident when I was 5 months post natal was while I was on the mini pill & using a condom (and yes, dh DID actually put it on, he was 42, so well practised in the art of condom-putting-on & I was 34, so well practised in the art of pill taking). And I was exclusively breastfeeding. AND it was the first time I had sex post section.

I used belt & braces, because it is almost like I could see it coming. I was SO paranoid about getting pregnant after dd2, that I asked to be sterilized at her section. I was refused. Yet they sterilized my friend almost a yr later, at her section. The difference? She had her third, I had my second.

My medical team played God with my body. They didn't believe, for some reason, that my family was complete! Another friend who later became a midwife where I had dd2 told me that it was an 'unwritten/unspoken' policy not to sterilize women with less than 3 children. Regardless of age.

My mother says in this day and age there's no excuse for unwanted pregnancies

And I say, in this day & age, there is no excuse for such ignorance.

i also asked to be steralised after i had twins - making that 3 children that i had. i was told no, i was too young - i was 21 at the time, i might change my mind later in life.

so i told dh to go get a vasectomy - and he did.

i didn't want any more children so very very much that i ensured that i didn't. as a catholic i didn't want to be put in a position of having to have an abortion - becuase i would have - i most definatley still would if by some miricle i became pregnant now.

whilst i understand that there are stories where women are on the pill and the men wear a condom and still pregnancy occurs, i do think this is the minority. i do firmly believe that in most cases enough care wasn't taken to prevent pregnancy and therefore this is a cultural and educational issue.

i also believe that the abortion week limit should be lowered, that this can be done without eroding womens rights - but the medical profession have to have an attitudinal change and the resources to make it happen. there should be no reason in this day and age why a woman would wait weeks for an abortion.

I have worked it out & the baby I terminated would be 2 in about a month. Around the same time my dd2 turns 3.

I babysat my friend's 2yr old for a few hours on Wednesday, at my house, so dd2 was there also. And you know what, I felt nothing but sheer relief & gave thanks that I don't have a nr 2yr & an nr 3 yr old.

If it did nothing else, it made me see that I don't want 3 kids.

Oh & custy, wait for vasectomy here on public health = 5yrs. Privately, several thousand dollars.

yes if the medical profession got their act together and had the resources, much could be avoided

differentnameforthis
"if you read my posts, you will see that I pointed out that I am in Australia & only just caught the thread, so was picking out bits & pieces to comment on.
Is that ok? Or do you wish to silence me on that too?"

Like I tried to silence you before? LOL! paranoia and touchiness abounding!
I understood that you were posting from a different timezone and that there was a lag between the posts you were responding to.
I just wanted to know WHO you were responding to.
A good idea in a situation like that is to post the name of the person you are addressing.
See, the way I did just now?

"thanks to the policing of a small minority of very vocal people."

People like me?
People who don't say how brave and wonderful it is to have an abortion?
People who don't endlessly stroke you and affirm all your choices.
People who challenge your moral and ethical inconsistencies?

Abortion is the death penalty for the unwanted

The unborn don't have a voice or a choice, but I do.
You'd like me to shut up now? That makes me more determined to speak up.
Your dislike of me, your insistence that my opinions are so dangerous that I must be a danger to you, your rabid intolerance of any thinking that doesn't conform to your in this area invigorates me.
It reminds me how essential it is to have an opposing voice.
How dangerous it is to imagine that you can insist on this tyranny of ethical relativism.
I am the sand in your shoe.
You need me.

"I babysat my friend's 2yr old for a few hours on Wednesday, at my house, so dd2 was there also. And you know what, I felt nothing but sheer relief & gave thanks that I don't have a nr 2yr & an nr 3 yr old. "

differentname
You wouldn't like me to be your midwife, and I wouldn't want you babysitting my children.
I think we're quits.

Oh gawd....

I am quite interested in hearing marys POV I don't agree with it but have never met anyone like that before and am hearing things for the 1st time iykwim.

Oh right so you're not going to respond to any of the very valid questions and points raised about the clear conflict of interest between your beliefs and your job.

Nor are you going to address any points about the many girls who have to suffer terribly around the world as they cannot access abortion.

You're just going to do the internet equivalent of standing on a box and yelling in people's faces.

To which the usual response in RL is to feel a bit sorry for the loon, and move on.

Woah, I didnt realise we were having a meeting with the westboro baptist church....

On the other hand, with regards to the whole pro life midwife argument.....sometimes I wonder if id have been better off with some pro lifers around me in pregnancy. The treatment I recieved for daring to be a single teenage mother made me feel as though the medical profession had a tally on abortions TBH.

FWIW I don't think queenmary is a 'loon' or nasty or any of the things that have been said.
Just because she personally doesn't believe in abortions doesn't mean she is a woman hater.She is not in the wrong for being pro-life just as many women are not in the wrong for being pro-abortion/choice.Everyone is entitled to their opinions.

Agree Opheli - but she's made her point - and as I said, 1000's of people agree with her.
I'm just not sure coming back to tell pro-choicer's that we 'need her' is a good idea - She's a m'netter on a namechange - not the bloody Messiah

Opheli her stance is this:

"Abortion is wrong because it is a baby, and it is ALWAYS WRONG TO INTENTIONALLY KILL A BABY."

This does mean that she puts the life of an embryo or foetus above the life of the woman or girl who is carrying it. No matter what the circumstances, she believes that abortion is always wrong.

That view is absolute. I can think of many situations where it is callous in the extreme to force a girl or woman to continue with a pregnancy... Or indeed will be dangerous for them and even cost them their life. It happens all the time around the world and some cases make the news. I am afraid that her stance does mean that she does not value the lives of women and girls, putting them as less important than even an embryo a few hours old.

I have never had an abortion and have been lucky (and careful) enough not to get pregnant before having my DD 2 years ago but like everyone I have had scares and paranoia where I have thought maybe I am pregnant (despite taking precautions) have thought 'OMG its the wrong time' etc etc and the idea of abortion did cross my mind albeit fleetingly.

Ultimately, my belief that a foetus is a life is what made me dismiss the idea. I still believe that.

Some of the posts on here have upset me to be honest, no matter what your opinion is or what decisions you made I don't think it is ok to show no respect to that foetus and not to consider any alternatives.

I have lots of friends who have had abortions and they are still my friends, it is their choice, their body, their baby after all and I believe abortion needs to be legal to prevent women being harmed by trying to self-abort or for medical reasons but I don't believe that it is ok not to understand the gravity of the situation, this is not getting a tooth out it is ending a life and if you are ok with that then it is your choice but please don't assume everyone feels like that.

My feeling about abortion is simply, trust women to make the right decision for themselves and their families.

"My feeling about abortion is simply, trust women to make the right decision for themselves and their families"

And infanticide?
Patricide?
Fratricide?

No?
Just abortion?

Yes, just abortion.

A logically inconsistent position.
Why is abortion ok, but not infanticide?
Abortion relies on the hiddeness of it's victims.

queenmary you talk about inconsistencies in the pro-choice argument. What about pro-life inconsistencies? You talk of the rights of unborn children who have no choice. What about the rights of children who are raped to not to have their bodies taken over by a pregnancy they are too underdeveloped to carry? Because if abortion was never allowed this is what children will have to go through. You talk of the rights of unborn children but seem unconcerned with the rights of those who are already here.
I had an ectopic pregnancy before I had my dc's. I had it removed at six weeks gestation. The pregnancy was in my fallopian tube so had no chance of making it to the second trimester. If I lived in Guatemala this procedure would have been considered abortion and my tube would have been left to rupture and my life would have been in danger. That is pro-life logic - prioritising the existence of a bunch of cells that can never possibly be born over a living, breathing human being.
You have the right to think how you like and I have the right to request that I am dealt with by a different medical professional if I feel that the one who is dealing with me doesn't have my welfare as their priority.