to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

Hahaha. You are wrong. ANd this 'oh waa, boohoo, you must be horribly damaged, you couldn't possibly want nasty freedom, let's find you a Nice Man to own you' stuff is so predictable. I have had over 100 sexual partners and never had an abortion. And I am not remotely damaged. Nor am I advocating that women should not bother with contraception, mrerely that abortion shoudl be available to them if contraception fails or indeed if they neglegted to use it. Because the majority of women who do not want to become pregnant use contraception, although it sometimes fails, and the fat that some women are careless sometimes is not enough to justify controlling the reproductive freedom of other women. Basicallym your feelings about other women'sreproductive choices are your problem and shouldn't be anyone else's.

To be fair to springchicken, her views do not mean that she must be some damaged freak, as far as I know she is just a feminist (have seen her on the boards.)

She is entitled to her opinion. I was only picking up on one comment she made and thought I should clarify that going around fucking people means you should be responsible aswell.

I stopped reading the thread some time back and I only came back to pick up on that one comment, so im not here to go into pro life etc etc.

x posts springchicken...

QueenMary - what are your views on terminating a pregnancy for reasons such as disability - amnio etc were created by the medical profession.

"the insane faction has landed and they're not mn'ers"

I am a mn'er.
I have a different name but it's still me.
We pro lifers have to be careful, there are A LOT of insecure, angry haters out there and this subject just makes them lose all reason and all perspective.
Anyone who disagrees is "judging". Such paranoia about being judged by a stranger points to a deep insecurity and neediness.
Affirm me! Affirm me!
Look at the comments about my fitness to be a safe midewife, that my pro life views "endanger" pregnant women ffs!.
Of course I've changed my name. My MN life wouldn't be worth living if I hadn't.

swallowedafly - I hope you don't mean that only the most recognisable, regular posters are allowed to post here, with those who disagree with the MN consensus being labelled nutters. I really resent that. MN shouldn't be some kind of private members club or popularity contest, though it sometimes comes close...

I am glad the OP has no regrets - it was clearly the right thing to do then. I think feelings can change. My close friend had two abortions - one in an abusive relationship and one after a one night stand. She knew it was right to end both those pregnancies and although knew she wanted children one day felt neither of those were the place to start. Now happily married she and her DH have been trying for 4 years - tests have shown nothing seems to be wrong on his side and having been fine with her past decisions for years, now she desperately wants a baby and it isn't happening she is increasingly sad about the two she aborted. She is not ashamed I'm glad to say or really regretful because it was wrong for her to have a child at the time - but the fact that now the time is right and things aren't working out makes her ache for the potential babies who came at the wrong time. She is sad now for the past because of her present concerns. Life can double back on us and the way we feel for years can change with circumstances.

"i'm going to report your vileness now queenmary - stating that a poster must be a victim of sexual abuse is appallingly low even for your ilk of human being."

Please do report my shocking vileness Swallowed. You have my full support.
BTW, a perdantic point, but I did not say that the poster was a victim of sexual abuse.
Just for the record.

"swallowedafly - I hope you don't mean that only the most recognisable, regular posters are allowed to post here, with those who disagree with the MN consensus being labelled nutters. I really resent that. MN shouldn't be some kind of private members club or popularity contest, though it sometimes comes close..."
Of course that's exactly what she means MarianneM
Anyone who disagrees with her and her gang is Nutjob Nutter Mc Nutterton.
Personally it is obvious to me that their arguments are, for the most part, highly emotional shreiking. I have been the very soul of reason and logic but my diversity is not being "celebrated" Boohoohoo! They judge me!

Dear Ms swallowedafly
Take a little read through the posts here.
See many batting for my team?
And how many on your cheering squad?
There's your answer. Of course you are using your usual name.
Why wouldn't you?

"and pendants can usually spell pedantic."
Wah! Mods! How perfuckly vile, u r mayking fun off mi spellink!

"there is no 'gang' just the vast majority of people who have posted on here."

That's right Swallowed.
You are in a great big cosy, group hugging majority.
And I in a minority of one ( after all, even marianneM is not opposed to all abortion)
And that is why i have changed my name, like the shameful, pusillanimous coward I am, and you have "bravely" kept yours.

queenmary - do you really see no conflict of interest in a midwife also being a pro-lifer? How do you counsel women who are going through abortions on medical advice if their child's condition is not compatible with life?
As far as I'm aware by law the life of the mother comes before the life of the infant up until it is independent of the mother - your views completely go against how a HCP is supposed to practice by law.
I would be very concerned if I knew my midwife was pro-life as I believe my life was in danger during the birth my care may be affected in favour of protecting the child. Obviously I may not know if the midwife was not up front about her views but if I did no I would request a different midwife.

I can't understand why you namechanged though - it's not like your views are that outrageous - plenty of people think like you.
If you're a person of true conviction you wouldn't give a toss what people thought of you - it's only MN afterall - the world isn't hanging on your every word - in fact, I'd say only about 4 people are

If I did KNOW that should say!

I think it's brilliant that you broached such a taboo subject and good for you for being able to rationalise it, it's important women feel they an talk abou a common medicle procedure so openly. YANBU there is no reason to feel guiltly imo. FYI my keeyboard is missing keys so my typing is poor.

Also meant to ask queenmary - are your colleagues/the women in your care aware of your views?

Yes, a midwife with these views is worrying - especially for women terminating for reasons of disability

queenmary, I don't like abortion, but I think it is important that women are not forced to have unwanted children. I also think that women and men should always take responsibility for contraception, and that abortion is not thought of flippantly or as a method of contraception.

I don't know what sex education at school is like in the UK as I went to school in another country, but perhaps more emphasis should be placed on it.

"queenmary - do you really see no conflict of interest in a midwife also being a pro-lifer? How do you counsel women who are going through abortions on medical advice if their child's condition is not compatible with life?"

I am a midwife. I don't counsel women in these situations. That is not my role.

"- your views completely go against how a HCP is supposed to practice by law."

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
You cannot legislate for peoples VIEWS!
As I said, what are we going to do, employ thought police?
And how are my views affecting my practice again?

"I would be very concerned if I knew my midwife was pro-life as I believe my life was in danger during the birth my care may be affected in favour of protecting the child."

Oh FFS.
Seriously?
I can't even begin to summon up the enegy to explain all the ways in which what you have said makes no sense. What's the point?