to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

SAF: That's why foetus-worshippers is a good name for them. Their interest in poor ickle innocent babies only lasts as far as ensuring those babies get born. Foetuses, after all, don't shit on the carpet, answer back, grow up gay or drain the welfare state of resources.

"how about mental illness? learning difficulties? incapacitation due to drugs or alcohol? personality disorders? abuse backgrounds or other issues that effect a woman's sense of rights to be active in sexual decision making?"

Oh please. A person with learning difficulties is hardly someone who can be said to be nonchlant about contraception if they don't understand the consequences of having unprotected sex. Why do people always drag these "what if someone has x, y or z" scenarios into these debates? Do you really think the majority of people who are careless about contraception have learning difficulties or mental illness?

As for "incapacitation due to drugs or alcohol", so do you think it's ok then to be nonchalant about contraception because you are stoned or pissed? For heaven's sake! No wonder teenage pregnancies are on the rise what you are teaching your daughters is that it's ok to get so pissed you don't know what you're doing and then have unprotected sex!!?

Yes, it is human to make mistakes, but it is also human to learn about them. I think people who are careless about contraception should rethink before making the same mistake again, not least because they could be contracting/spreading STDs.

And of course I don't think an unwanted pregnancy should be carried to term only if the woman was careless about contraception. I think she would do well to think about what happened to her a little bit before carrying on as before, if for nothing else, for her own mental, physical and sexual health.

And what is this "The sexual dysfunction of antichoicers shows in their insistence that they will accept, grudgingly, that a woman can end a pregnancy as long as she didnt enjoy the sex that caused conception."

Bollocks! Nowhere have I said that.

I am not anti-women, I am anti-stupidity.

But MM you are basically saying that people should be made to suffer for their stupidity. FWIW, I tend to agree that women who are repeatedly careless of their sexual health through lack of contraception/protection should perhaps be forced to have some kind of education on the matter - abortion shouldn't be used as after-the-event contraception repeatedly - but the number of women who DO that is tiny in comparison with the one-offs, the contraceptive failures etc.
Perhaps if they had to pay for it, it would make them a little more careful, who knows.

I don't understand why it can't be accepted as obvious & natural that some people in some circumstances will feel differently about something to other people in other situations.

Seems like a non-argument to me.

So what's your assumption then? That I and everyone else got pregnant because we're stupid? How obtuse. We could solve all the world's abortion problems with a bit of omega 3 then? What about some crosswords? Oh I know, suduko.

thumbwitch, I don't think women should be made to suffer, I'm talking about women complaining about having to see a GP or the GP perhaps asking about their contraception methods. Someone along the line one would wish that people should stop and think a little.

However I admit that I often come across as patronising, not really my intention.

I actually think men are having a field day with this modern brand of "feminism", not having to worry about contraception or the aftermath, leaving it all for women to deal with.

I don't think having casual, unprotected sex is a feminist act.

"My body. My right: To have sex whenever I please, with whomever I please and kill the consequences
...And anyone who disagrees is sexually dysfunctional "
(chickenbrassneck..)

*I actually think men are having a field day with this modern brand of "feminism", not having to worry about contraception or the aftermath, leaving it all for women to deal with.

I don't think having casual, unprotected sex is a feminist act.*

You are absolutely right.
Abortion is a gift to men who simply want to use women for sex and leave them with the "consequences"

But it is every woman's right to have as much sex, with as many partners, as she wants to. It's also a woman;s right to have as many children (with as many partners) as she wants to, actually. Or not to have any at all.
It's quite common for abusive men to be very keen to impregnate their victims. Often women escaping abusers mention that they had been in some doubt about whether to have a baby with the man, or about whether they wanted a baby at all, but the man had kept up the pressure, maybe coaxing with romantic pictures of how lovely it would be to have one, maybe by lying about his own fertility, or maybe by raping the woman without using a condom.
Because there is this low level understanding that having children ties a woman down, or that it should do, and that women shouldn't be allowed to escape motherhood because after all, how else can they be made to obey and placate and be owned by men, if not for the idea that they need man to be kept happy so he sticks around while the child grows up. Of course, the fact is that a lot of men want children but don't want to do the hard work involved in raising them.

" reality is FULL of shades of grey no matter how much you would like to box it in black and white."
Really swallowed?
Are there any black and white moral and ethical questions or is it only abortion that you see in shades of grey?
Funny how we can see the things that we would never do as objectively, unequivocally wrong (like child abuse), but it's different when it comes to ourselves and what we do. Then it's all "shades of grey".
This is the human condition, we lie to ourselves because we are defending ourselves against feelings and ideas that would otherwise be unbearable.

springchicken
You have obviously been damaged by an abusive man.

Why should I share your pathological opinions about men when the men in my life have been good, unselfish and kind men who have loved me and my babies?

SpringchickenGoldbrass

Yes, but if you want to talk rights, with rights always comes responsibilities. The two should go hand in hand.

The responsibility to use contraception, including condoms, to not spread diseases, to not get pregnant unless you intened to have a baby etc etc.

If you want the right to shag whom you please, you have to ensure you follow your responsibilities, yes?

springchicken
"But it is every woman's right to have as much sex, with as many partners, as she wants to. It's also a woman;s right to have as many children (with as many partners) as she wants to, actually. Or not to have any at all."
And it's every womans right to kill any consequent baby that gets in the way of her rights.

What a horrible, nihilistic, self centred philosophy.
It's all about you and your rights isn't it.
A life turned in on yourself must be hell.
How very sad.

good post SuchProspects, Why do some people think it's ok to punish 'stupid' people? There is no way of knowing if a woman made a mistake or was just careless and no woman can be denied a termination just because they were careless.

This whole 'it's ok for some people but not for others' thing that some pro-lifers trot out is illogical Like those who claim to be thinking of the children yet at the same time think it's ok to terminate a pregnancy which happened as the result of rape.

springchicken your posts are disturbing and I am fairly liberal and pro free speech but what you said is just wrong and

Response to differentnameforthis I am the one who wrote, the "... just realised I would rather people didn't talk about it..." when I first saw this thread. At the time I was just instinctively responding to how the wording of the thread made me feel. I have always been pro choice and just naively thought that to have an abortion would be such a difficult decision to make and that it would stir up a great deal of emotion. I am sorry for my comment I can now see that it is an issue that should be more openly discussed.

"Yes, but if you want to talk rights, with rights always comes responsibilities. The two should go hand in hand.

The responsibility to use contraception, including condoms, to not spread diseases"

Agree!