to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

Why shouldn't she post it here? Why shouldn't rational human beings be able to listen to each others viewpoints sensibly in any section of a forum or real life?

Sorry for the X-post, Rhubarb. :)

Buggered? Possibly. Hopefully the compensation will be a school which won't allow her to become ill through being bullied, as was the case until recently.

Sorry, GerOrf, all off topic, my apologies.

Have you been on this thread all day Vall? That's dedication that is!

Spring, chat perhaps with a better thread title? The title was rather in your face and didn't give the subject matter the respect and sensitivity I think it's due, since it causes heartbreak to many other women. A little sensitivity goes a long way....

Kids to bed now then TV.

Bloody hell rhubarb you're like a broken record and it amuses me to see you frothing about a thread title YET AGAIN

You've said it over and over again, one might almost think you have nothing further to add to the debate

That's ridiculous. I've suffered an untold amount of pain because of an abortion. I think about my baby every single day. And I'm not in the least bit offended by this thread.

Maybe because I have some idea what it's actually like to be in the situation where you're pregnant with a child you cannot give the life you want to give them. It's not in the least selfish of her. She made a brave decision and she has every right to tell us that, well shit the bed, it worked out ok for her!

Rhubarb your comments are confusing me.

michelle, no-one is saying that you should feel anything. What we are discussing is whether or not it was a good idea to start a thread in AIBU about it.

Who is debating this, most people are debating the topic of the thread.

I dont get why in an earlier thread you said soething along the lines of we should listen to the catholic view of abortion, something along thoses lines, i cant be aresed to look.

Then you say you wont send your kids to a catholic school as you think they talk a load of shit and dont want them brainwashed.

Where should she post it then? Is there a special place for those with controversial views to post...? Hmm

michelle

spot on...I don't get the etiquette here. Seems the ideal place to me.

rhubarb0 "Kids to bed now then TV."

See, that's just rubbing it in my face that you have been able to produce children whereas I have not. Such inconsideration and lack of sensitivity to others' feelings.

Abortion can sometimes be a very upsetting choice, of course. It's no more wrong to feel sorrow and regret than it is to feel nothing but relief. But a woman taking the decision to end a pregnancy because that is the best option for her is not and never will be something to be ashamed of.

1. i want one of those t-shirts that says 'I Get Thrush often' . That way no-one would nick my chair at work.

2. OP is NBU.

Op; Yanbu.

Why should you feel guilt or shame for making a decision that was right for you and your family -

Full support to you.

On reading this back again I would like to reiterate that I in no way wanted to start a row on the subject, and if I have inadvertently hurt anyone's feelings I am very sorry. I also agree with those who say that I have perhaps stymied the debate by the fact my OP was so bluntly/crassly worded. I was angry when I wrote it. The essential feeling I have remains the same, however I should have written it in a more articulate manner.

noddyholder you are a mner whom I have a lot of respect for, I understand your view that I have come across as somewhat hubristic.

Thanks to those of you who have thought I was brave, and have posted kind things in agreement. I am far from brave, I genuinely had the idea that this would be a non-fight thread just for people to post their stories of not feeling guilt and trauma over abortion. I have been on mN long enough to have realised that I was naive to post this in AIBU and think it wouldn't get extremely heated.

However, I still stand by the legitimacy of having these views, and airing them on mumsnet.

Slightly astonished however to be likened to a war criminal indicted in the genocide of 8000 civilians, however.

Where did I say I hate bosom

OP you have my full support, and I applaud you for voicing this issue.
I too underwent an abortion, after my DH's vascectomy failed (now that will scare people) and our family was and still is complete.
I remember feeling absolute relief afterwards and have no guilt or second thoughts 10 years on.
My only thought is that I am grateful that abortion is safe, legal and accessible in this country.
I wish it were so everywhere.
ps I got a mirena fitted at the same time and DH got 'done' again.

FWIW, Getorf, I totally agree with you and I personally son't think the tome of your OP was boastful. It came across to me as a simple statement of fact, and the outraged response and the accusations of bragging just serve to demonstrate that women ARE expected to feel bad about having a termination.

I've had 2 and I'm not ashamed or sorry and I don't feel guilty.

don't think the tone

GetOrf

Thanks for starting this thread. I hate the fact that women are SUPPOSED to feel guilty and traumatised after an abortion. Of course, some women do, but equally loads of women dont'.

Admitting that you didn't find an abortion life changingly distressing is however, apparently totally unacceptable - as evidenced by some of the responses on this thread. It's as if people will only tolerate the idea of legal terminations if the woman pays an ongoing prolonged emotional price for it.

FWIW I had a termination over 20 years ago. Not traumatised, not guilty, not upset, just relieved

This seems to be how it's meant to go:

OP: I had an abortion. I feel so guilty. I'm so ashamed and full of regret.
CHORUS: Don't feel guilty! You did what was best at the time. You have no need to feel ashamed [ hugs ]

OP: I had an abortion. I feel ZERO shame or regret.
CHORUS: How insensitive! How sad and disturbing that you took such an awful decision so lightly! You SHOULD feel shame. You WILL feel regret. [ brickbats ]

I don't believe either (hypothetical) op should feel shame obviously. I acknowledge the first op's regret and can't think of anything worse than having an abortion you didn't want, but I do not get the venom/disbelief/incredulity at Getorf's equally valid response to her personal situation, and that it is the response of many women.

Realising that your experience is shared by others is an important thing. Posts like Getorf's are important.

Interesting thread.

I had an abortion 2 weeks ago for specific medical reasons and the support I received on the anenatal choices topic on mn was fantastic. I felt I couldn't tell anyone in RL what was happening.

Medically although I had no choice given to me the number of times during the process when I felt dh and I were being judged for being in this position were endless. Constantly I was asked was I sure. Despite having the drug company and a consultant recommendation for ending the pregnancy. In the end I just asked people to read my notes before talking to us.

Tbh I find it refreshing to read a thread like this. People don't talk about this openly and honestly. Afterwards I did feel relief - relief it was all over and there were no more choices and decisions to be made. Hardest 3 weeks of my life so far.

I think AIBU is the perfect place for this discussion. I did not see the OP as 'boastfull', at all. It is a worthy discussion. The discussion of why should woman who have abortions HAVE to feel guilt and regret. Many people do. Many people clearly don't. And it is obviously a very complex discussion, all the emotions behind it, so lets discuss. Properly.
And the comparisons of it being insensitive to those who are unable to conceive, or have had a mc, I just don't see that. I have had an abortion and a mc. I feel total sympathy for those thta struggle to conceive. But I do not feel venom for those that chose to abort.