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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

1000 replies

GetOrfMoiCase · 26/05/2011 13:00

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

OP posts:
InmaculadaConcepcion · 26/05/2011 19:57

Mitzi, SGB I agree with both of you.

lachlanbella · 26/05/2011 19:59

How insensitive to post this on here. Fine that you're OK with having had an abortion. Lots of women aren't. Lots of women on here may also have recently lost a baby, and it's grossly insensitive of you to post this. Go and brag somewhere else about how together you are.It's a hard,hard woman who feels nothing after having had an abortion and is actually proud of that fact.

MixedClassBaby · 26/05/2011 20:01

I've only just seen this thread. I get what where OP is coming from and think she is making a valid and important point.

I'm reluctant to add more about my personal circumstances because the thread has taken a predictable turn for the bizarre.

I am directly involved in delivering SRE (Sex and Realtionship Education) and am concerned that every one of the nine education providors in Gove's newly formed SRE Council endorses either enforced abstinence, is anti-abortion or both. So much for balance.

BitOfFun · 26/05/2011 20:01

Read the thread, ffs.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 26/05/2011 20:02

Talking about abortion should not be related to people having miscarriages. The actions of one person terminating a pregnancy have nothing to do with someone who miscarries.

It's not bragging! No-one is bragging.

noddyholder · 26/05/2011 20:04

I think saying you were 'able' to cope does a great disservice to those who can't/couldn't as if they are somehow weaker and less together. As I said before sometimes traumatic difficult things are easy to cope with in the immediate aftermath but I think that is the body and minds coping mechanism and sometimes the reality of it rears its head at a later date and you can't know this won't happen to you so even a 'at the moment' or 'to my surprise' in your post would have been kinder

BitOfFun · 26/05/2011 20:04

That was to Laclanbella, obviously.

MixedClassBaby · 26/05/2011 20:05

BOF - was that aimed at me? I stopped reading the thread when it started to go weird. Sorry if I'm out of context.

MixedClassBaby · 26/05/2011 20:06

ok

MichaelaS · 26/05/2011 20:08

SGB I think saying anti-abortion activists are motivated entirely by hatred of women and a wish to control them is just a stupid comment. It's obviously not true. Many anti-abortion campaigners DO also campaign for better treatment of babies, women in general etc etc.

Foetus worshippers? Honestly. And everyone who is against murder is an "adult worshipper"? Everyone against euthanasia is a "disablility worshipper"? Sometimes I feel you struggle to understand others have genuinely held beliefs which happen to differ from yours! If someone belives that a foetus is as much alive / a proper human etc as a born baby then they are not a foetus worshipper for wanting to protect the life of that being over the quality of life of other beings. They have simply made a different conclusion to you.

Completely agree with you on the sex ed front re being fun, PIV not the be all and end all.

Quis · 26/05/2011 20:20

What horrible comments some people have made about such a highly personal and sensitive issue.
SGB - you are ruining your argument by being so aggressive and off putting - really nasty stuff!

TheRhubarb · 26/05/2011 20:25

I make one point about the catholic church getting involved in sex education and look what happens!

I wonder how Vall managed to get her kids into a catholic school against her will? I thought you had to apply to get them into a catholic school - shows what I know I guess!

But this isn't a debate on the many wrongs the church has done, that needs an entirely separate thread. This is about telling everyone that you had an abortion and you don't feel guilty or remorseful at all. Which I still don't get the point of, but if it makes you feel better in letting it all out then fine. However it does cause upset to those who have had a hard time of it and there is still a lot of debating to do on abortion which this thread doesn't really contribute to.

noddyholder · 26/05/2011 20:31

The word zero in capitals was a bad choice Too aggressive for the subject matter and a bit of a boast Read the thread title back and emphasise/shout that one word. Not nice?

AyeRobot · 26/05/2011 20:33

There really isn't any more debating to be done on abortion.

If you don't agree with it, don't have one. No-one is forcing you to have one.

TheRhubarb · 26/05/2011 20:37

Hmm I agree however she has also said she was angry when she wrote that.

What upset me more than anything was the poster who said there were t-shirts proudly announcing the fact and that she would wear one. That was horrible.

Also being able to tell all and sundry about your abortions. Well why should you? That's like the pro-breastfeeding lot telling me that I should get my tits out in public to feed and making me feel ashamed for sneaking off to the loos instead. I think we get so het up about women's rights that we forget the individual women concerned.

Not everyone has guilt over an abortion, but not everyone has such a good time of it either. Women are still vulnerable and are still controlled by others. We mustn't neglect the needs of individuals by concentrating solely on the masses. We need to treat the topic of abortion with respect and sensitivity, as it deserves.

SpringHeeledJack · 26/05/2011 20:37

what SGB said, specially the first para

...tho would add 'fear/' to 'hatred' as well

and Rhubarb round this way, the Catholic schools (there are hods of single sex church schools) are undersubscribed. People who apply for a co-ed comp have been known to get a place at a Catholic school they didn't apply for

it baffles me, too

Vallhala · 26/05/2011 20:39

Yes, it shows what you know, Rhubarb. :)

I didn't want to derail this with tangents, but, as you appear to be so doubtful...

I didn't "manage" to get one of my children into a faith school - it is the school which my LA have directed that she will attend in September. We live in a far-flung village and are without transport - I can decline the place but then I would have to both secure a place in and provide access to an alternative school. The alternatives are schools to which I cannot physically get my child. It is the faith school or nothing.

michelleseashell · 26/05/2011 20:40

I support the statement that woman has zero regrets. She has made the best decision for her and her baby at the time. It may be unbearably sad. It may be a great relief. It may be both of those things. But she should not regret it or feel ashamed or feel ashamed that she does not regret it.

TheRhubarb · 26/05/2011 20:40

Still confused as to why she had NO CHOICE (her caps). Surely if she feels that strongly opposed she could appeal? I don't think you can opt out of prayers during assembly etc. The reason my kids don't attend catholic schools is because they do talk shit a lot of the time and I want my kids to be educated, not brainwashed. School should be about learning not faith.

Again - another thread!

TheRhubarb · 26/05/2011 20:42

xposts Vall. Well that's you buggered then I guess! Expect the kids to start saying Hail Mary's before tea!

TheRhubarb · 26/05/2011 20:43

michelle, no-one is saying that you should feel anything. What we are discussing is whether or not it was a good idea to start a thread in AIBU about it.

dawntigga · 26/05/2011 20:43

Of course you aren't BU

FuckOffIfYouThinkYouShouldHaveToHideTheFactYou'veHadAnAbortionIt'sNotShamefulTiggaxx

SpringHeeledJack · 26/05/2011 20:44

where else would you put it?

seems like the best we've got, as far as I can see...

Vallhala · 26/05/2011 20:44

AAAARGGGHHH!!!

We can appeal, yes, but if we haven't the transport to get DD there or the funds for a taxi (as transport would be MY responsibility in law) then it doesn't matter if she's offered bloody Eton as an alternative!

Yes, you CAN opt out of prayers.

I agree that Catholic schools CAN talk shit... particularly about abortion.

SpringHeeledJack · 26/05/2011 20:45

ps dawntigga- you rule Smile

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