to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

Well, it's been interesting- thanks again, GOML. I shan't be engaging with the loony element.

Mladic, the Catholic church. I keep expecting the Spanish inquisition to turn up.

No one expects the Spanish inquisition.....

Oh and I pity your children as well.

That's right, I went there, the ultimate MN smackdown!

AIBU to think that people shouldn't put threads like this on here. It will only open a horrible can of worms.

Yup BOF. I might piss off now myself. Are there any threads running on how nice flowers are or how lovely a cold beer can be on a hot day?

Or lead to an interesting discussion until the anti-choice trolls turn up, depending on your viewpoint, AllGrylls.

Let's go invade netmums. They might talk less rubbish.

I don't know Shirl- we could start one? I didn't mean I wouldn't talk to you when I referred to the loony element

ali, are you related to larry?

jus' checkin'...

I am pro choice, however I would say that you are EXTREMELY brave to post on this. Personally I couldn't go through with it unless my circumstances were dire and /or abusive but a child at the wrong time and place could also be a disastour. Difficult one.

that sounded picky, meant jus' curious, really.

Don't try and get out of it now BOF.

I can't believe the level that this thread has stooped to!!! Kungfu you should be ashamed of yourself, suggesting we go over to the darkside, Netmums!!! I am appalled

Dear OP
I am very glad you have been able to move forward in your life and not live an existence of regret. I have been so fortunate to not ever to make a decision like that. Having seen you about on other threads (well I think it's you) you wouldn't make a decision like that light heartedly.

What's that saying about walking miles in another person's shoes....

DrGrunt

Cheer up, cushie. Just think of all the new lives that were created by his raping footsoldiers.

AIBU to laugh at this?

It would be lovely to separate the woman's right to choose whether she has a baby (regardless of the circumstances) from the fact that abortion is ending a life in some way. Some might believe that life is less valuable, on balance, than the harm that might be done to other lives (the pregnant woman, other children, even its own potential for future misery) if it persisted.

But I can honestly see both sides. The pro-lifers are valuing the foetus' life and putting the woman (or family's) well being second, however you define that. They also have a real point that some women suffer emotionally in the longer term from having a termination. The pro-choicers are valuing the woman (or family's) well being and saying it's more important that children are loved, well provided for, and have sane emotionally stable parents who want them, and are saying in effect that if a child wouldn't have this it is better not being born, and a woman who does not want to be pregnant has more rights to her own body than the other person who is sharing that body, because the other person is somehow less of a person being very immature and having (at the early stages at least) less capacity for self awareness, feeling pain or self determination.

I do think the missing bit of the debate is exactly what the OP stated - the women who had a termination who are not guilt ridden and emotionally scarred for life. So well done for bringing it up.

The idealist in me would prefer a world where anyone who had sex took the responsibility that the act might produce a pregnancy, and was responsible in terms of choosing when to have sex and with whom given that knowledge. I think this is effectively the "religious" perspective - the idea that we should take our responsibilities seriously as well as our rights. It's an idea I subscribe to in theory. Unfortunately, given human nature it's really impractical.

so no, I dont think YABU to be guilt free. But equally, noone is advocating a woman should be lax about contraception and use abortion as their primary birth control method. So I think anyone facing the question of whether to have an abortion has already got into a difficult situation where there is no answer that is 100% satisfactory.

Hmm, this thread has really made me think though, so thank you all for opening my eyes to more points of view.

[hangs head]
sorry

i do not think the op is bragging she is stating a fact many feel uncomfortable with and it think it good to get her point across and she is not the only one to feel this way. we are made to feel we should feel guilty. i feel no guilt now and i never have the only feeling i felt was relief after i did not want to be pregnant and its a horrible feeling to feel that way

i think there needs to be less pressure on women to feel terrible. i know friends who felt guilty for not feeling guilty and felt something was wrong with them.

its not a nice thing to have to go through. for some they feel women who have made that choice should feel guilty for the rest of their lives and think what if to punish themselves

Are people supposed to feel guilty about abortion? I didn't realise. I thought it was one of the benefits of modern times.

Personally I feel very that I had an abortion at 8 weeks gestation. Not guilty, but sad.

Of course I understand it's vital that abortion is free and easily available to everyone, but as I get older I see less and less difference between a late abortion and killing a baby. I know it's my problem, and wouldn't want to make anyone who goes through a late abortion feel guilty, but I can't help having difficulty differentiating between a fully formed baby still in the mother, and a new born.

LaughingAunt I agree too - after having DS at 24 weeks I can tell you the only differences between a 24 weeker and a 40 weeker are the lungs are more mature and the baby has more fat. Ok, so the 24 weeker is smaller and less well developped generally, but the 40 weeker is smaller and less well developped than a 3 month old baby.

But luckily none of this is really relevant to the general abortion debate because most abortions are carried out well before that stage.

The percentage of abortions which are "late" is very small though, and usually only undertaken in extreme circumstances. I'm sure that it is often distressing to the woman.

I don't think that is representative of most abortions though, which are generally performed at a much earlier gestation.

Odd, 20+ years ago I was taught (compulsory) GCSE RE by a Nun in a catholic school.
We covered abortion, euthanasia and the death penalty. We were taught to debate our point and consider all views.
At no point were we told that abortion was wrong, we were told that the Catholic church was not in agreement but were encouraged to form our own opinions. I did, and my pro-choice standpoint was never quashed or shouted down. So I find pulling the Catholic card a bit confusing tbh.

Gerroff, I understand your OP and your standpoint. I felt horribly guilty for years, despite always being prochoice, I just never thought I'd have to make the choice. But it was my choice to make and the right choice for me.

YANBU OP.

I've read about half way through the comments up to this point (sorry, couldn't manage all of it!) and can't believe some of the comments.

YANBU.

There is, undoubtedly, still a huge social stigma over abortion and I'm impressed that so many women have spoken up about their experiences. I think it does need to be discussed in these terms (though not the flaming!)

I wish abortion were never necessary but I believe that every woman has to do what's right for her, at the time. Every child should be a wanted child, and women shouldn't be made to feel guilty for doing something that is legal.

Just to clarify where I'm coming from - currently I'm unsuccessfully TTC after a MC. Every "I'm pregnant" and birth announcement I read drives a little dagger of envy into my heart. But another woman's decision to terminate her pregnancy doesn't make it any worse for me than her decision to keep it.

Anti-abortion activists are motivated entirely by hatred of women and a wish to control them. If they were remotely interested in the wellbeing of babies they would be campaining for better maternity care, free maternity care (for the US-based ones - lack of maternity care leads to lots of needelss deaths of babies), oh and more state aid for single pregnant women, more support for the girls thrown out of their homes for becoming pregnant, a living wage, etc etc. But the foetus worshippers (that's what I';; call them, because that's what they are) have no interest in the wellbeing even of babies as long as those babies get born ie a woman who has dared to have sex gets made to suffer.

What sex education should teach DC, of course, is firstly that sex should be fun for all concerned and if one person seems to be enduring it rather than enjoying it it should stop at once, and secondly that PIV is not the most important or indeed the most enjoyable sexual act, and actually needn't be bothered with that much unless you want a baby or you really do like it the best.

And I write this as someone who has had over 100 different sexual partners. I have never had an abortion, but I have never regarded that as an indication of my superior contraception skillz, more as a likely indication that I was not terribly fertile.