to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

yorkie, its not that clean cut though is it? when you are a carefree 20 something (like I was) abortion is not that big a deal. I say that, but I had depression issues for years after so maybe it was

but what if its a a seriously disables child and you know you wont cope. what if you accidently get pregnant with baby #4 and you genuinely cannot cope

then its heartrending

I am pro choice, but its still alot more complex than having a mole removed

cant we be glad thats its available AND accept thats its sad and harrowing too

GMOL, I love you as a poster.

I'm not too sure how I feel about this thread...not why you started it, that I understand, but how I feel about the subject.

It's literally taken me 10 minutes to write that between twiddling my thumbs to add what I think I want to say and then delete it again.

You're brave, I'll give you that. (for starting the thread, not for having the abortion-although that too but not in a patronising "well done you" support kind of thing....gosh, see what I mean?)

Sorry for delayed response - I'm SUPPOSED to be doing bills! SeenButNotheard, goodness, no of course you haven't upset me. I'm very sorry indeed if I gave you the impression that you have. :)

"Your original post comes across as slightly patronising and as though it's a good thing that you don't feel any shame or regret."

Of course it's a good thing that Gerorf feels neither shame nor regret! Do you WANT her to feel otherwise?

Because if so, how utterly, utterly spiteful and wicked.

YANBU. Abortion is a complex issue, however women have the absolute right to decide what to do with their own bodies. It is in our own and our daughter's interests to be pro choice.

Valhalla-oh come on as if that's a spiteful or wicked thing the poster said.
She never said she wanted her to feel shame or regret.

Yorkie & Jenai (& GMOL) - in hindsight I probably shouldn't have commented at all as I PERSONALLY do not agree with abortion. Yes of course everyone is entitled to feel they way they do (or do not), I suppose I naively assumed that regret (at some point down the line) would automatically come with such a tough decision. I also have personal reasons which would influence my feelings and so I'm not exactly taking an impartial view.

Swallowed-
I may be being naive, but I think some women may see abortion as a nasty thing because of the "killing a baby" opinion, rather than the "promiscuous woman" opinion.

Porc Sorry I don't see how what you are saying follows on from my post? Was that comment meant for me?

That being said, you are absolutely right, its not simple. But I don't think we can say its harrowing for every woman, again because its more complex than that.

Can a woman feel utterly at peace with her decision and then later find new feeling of regret and guilt? Yes, of course.

Can a woman feel utterly at peace with her decision and always continue to feel at peace with it? Yes, of course.

All I was saying is that I want to be a society that supports a woman if she has an unplanned pregnancy. Whether that support is to help her with her decision to have the baby, help her financially, with housing, education, childcare etc until she gets back on her feet or whether that support is allowing her to have an abortion. I think its about being compassionate.

"Valhalla-oh come on as if that's a spiteful or wicked thing the poster said.
She never said she wanted her to feel shame or regret."

And neither did I accuse her of it. I ASKED IF that's what the poster wanted and said that IF SO it would be utterly wicked and spiteful.

Val - I was just going to post something very similar to your earlier post about pro-life organisations.

It occurs to me that, these days when women are more vocal and better represented, and when people are more aware of their human rights, pro-life organisations must surely be realising that their anti-choice agenda is very unattractive to most people, even those who find abortion an uncomfortable subject.

Are we going to start hearing more and more from organisations such as Life about "everyone should have a choice but you will feel guilty for the rest of your life"? Is that going to be the tactic?

'why don't people get that they have the right to express their preference by not having an abortion themselves. there is a difference between having the right to your view and trying to force others to follow it.' Hear hear

And good post Valhalla

i agree, and its a grey area

but I dont like the idea of having abortion seen as a guilt free easy alternative to contraception, as that cheapens human life

I am not saying you said that! but some element of sandess around abortion, well I think thats very human and actually, very appropriate

I am pro choice, but its really sad too

OP, just wanted to applaud you for posting this. I've nothing really to add, except to also applaud kungfu's Little Mermaid analogy, and the posts from SAF, Hully and others in similar vein.

Fair enough, rainyspells

vallhala - I'm not wicked or spiteful and wouldn't wish suffering in any way onto anyone. As I said before I naively thought that there would be a feeling of regret (at some point in the person's life) when in that situation.

"And neither did I accuse her of it.I ASKED IF that's what the poster wanted and said that IF SO it would be utterly wicked and spiteful."

Lots of capital letters Vallhala.No need to shout now

"guilt free easy alternative to contraception" this is such a myth though. It isn't easy to get an abortion and it isn't a particularly pleasant procedure either. I refuse to believe that there are hundreds/thousands of women in the Country saying "ah fuck it! if I get pregnant I'll just get another termination"

I think this is in large a myth that is peddled by "pro-lifers" (as I said on another thread I hate that term, and in fact I'm not using it any more)

Porc Yes, but you can feel sadness without feeling regret or shame. They are different emotions.

I don't know if the OP said she felt sad about having an abortion, I wouldn't like to guess whether she does or doesn't.

I think that in the vast majority of cases there would be a feeling of sadness even if the woman felt she had done the right thing for her circumstances. I don't think we could say everyone will feel sad. Maybe for some the overwhelming feeling might be relief for example.

Shirley, I agree absolutely.

"... they do believe a woman should feel disgusting and ashamed and dirty for having an abortion. presumably because that's how they see those women..."

I took the "dirty" as promiscuous. Not too sure how you meant it otherwise.