DH has asked me not to fart in bed!

[krisskross]

just bought a new bed, he thinks we will sully it with farts! i think he is being stupid and i cannot stop what has to come out.

we agreed to let MN decide.

My DS knows the "pull my finger" trick - I am SO proud!

Surely a g-string doesn't muffle sound ?
Wouldn't it make a sound like an oboe (wind on a reed)?

I am impressed - perhaps distance-learning though - rather than everyone in a lecture theatre (possible fire hazard?).

you need one of these to get him used to the concept of mass farting - they are bloody funny at stuffy supper parties too! Just hide it behind something and press the remote at opportune moments, like when Granny is getting out of a chair....

My DH farts all the time and admittedly I have woken myself up several times farting lol.

I can put up with the farts it's when me and DH are out in town and he gets me to stand behind him so he can stcratch his arse that bothers me

I worry about DP spooning me at night sometimes, if he's behind me, in case I do a little trump in my sleep and warm his kneecaps up.

OtheHuge - I spooned the Fart Nazi and his monster trump escaped between my thighs - it was a revolting yet poetic moment of double farting...

asteria I am laughing at that fart machine...I very well might die (as per the warning) if I actually bought one.

Ds1 bought a mini key ring whoopee cushion once and we spent a happy hysterical with laughter half hour in a posh Ye Olde Tea Shoppe wondering if we dared to implement it when anyone sat down.

Well, I managed to train my 8 year old not to fart infront of others, so it can be done.

Wow WestYorkshire, I can even pee infront of DH never mind fart/shave legs/change tampon. Thinking of it I am sure nobody had ever seen me changing a tampon.

I mean I CANNOT pee... grr.

My DH and 4 ds's are very "dissapointed" with me if I let rip in front of them, they on the other hand.......

You get a total pasting on MN if you admit to doing the school run in PJs, yet it is totally okay to fart with abandon!

In case anyone cares, you can get charcoal biscuits if you are particularly prone to terrible trumping - my mum used to buy them for the dog (at least she said they were for the dg )

My DSs teacher told him that everytime you fart, you let microscopic bits of poo out at the same time. Microscopic or not, who wants that in their bed?

I'm starting to think we need a charcoal biscuit emoticon.

Like , only black.

OP, where are you?

Tell me,please, what of fanny farts?

Tell him you won't cut cheese in bed, but he can never do you doggy in case you let out a Muff Guff. See how he likes that.

(Or is it just me who always lets out a Love-Puff bonking that way?)

YANBU. I too have IBS and cannot (willnot!) hold them in. I am currently single tho.

DS finds it hysterical and I always used to say to him when he farted 'pardon your bottom'.
We were walking once and I let one go - busy road, no-one heard it.

But everyone heard DS's shocked 'Mummy, pardon your bottom'.

Most people fart loads in their sleep anyway. Is he going to stay up all night on fart watch?

i wish we had this rule. i find it really disgusting and i have to control myself from hitting DH

Would anyone care to read our family poem, entitled "A Fart"? It's very short.

I wouldn't dream of farting in front of my partner. I'm not uptight at all but unless it's by accident, I think it's a bit disrespectful.

There again, I was married for 8 years to someone who used to fart constantly as if it were some sort of badge of honour. Very unattractive, frankly, and familiarity really does breed contempt, ime.

OK ladies and gentlemen, here's a little poem to the pleasures and benefits of -

A FART

A Fart is but a breeze,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the britches,
Breaks the stitches,
And suffocates the fleas.