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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has asked me not to fart in bed!

229 replies

krisskross · 26/01/2011 21:35

just bought a new bed, he thinks we will sully it with farts! i think he is being stupid and i cannot stop what has to come out.

we agreed to let MN decide.

OP posts:
GotArt · 27/01/2011 21:36

I think the microscopic bits of poo starts to teeter into sharting. Grin

What's a fanny fart?!! Shock You're kidding right. Its a fart that comes out of your vagina, usually right after sex when you sit up but sometimes during, due to the pumping action. Grin lol

Teaandcakeplease · 27/01/2011 22:35

KrissKross please come back and tell us what was decided Smile

Original poster
krisskross · 27/01/2011 22:42

weeeelllllll, firstly i cannot believe that of all my previous (erudite and urbane, obviously)threads- this one has had the most responses, by approx 200!!

prob should have clarified earlier- he has no prob with me farting, he just wants to keep the new bed nice!!!! I have kind of loosely agreed to let nature take its course, but not to force the issue and say 'da da', with a flourish, when the issue is forced.

And- i thought it was only my family who did the pull my finger trick??!!

And- would like to point out DH has a verucca and is not going to bed in a rubber sock- so we are basically a grubby household!!!

On another note- how do people manage who do not do these things in front of your partner??

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 27/01/2011 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
krisskross · 27/01/2011 22:54

they are probably pretty corrosive. but so are his! so are everyones.!Grin

OP posts:
alfonzo · 27/01/2011 22:56

My Dad said when I was too small to voice my feelings and he used to do a smelly one I just used to sit and gag at him. Definitely one for no farting in the bed

vickster11 · 27/01/2011 23:28

If the oh has really p*ed me off and I fart in bed I will waft it and tell him its his punishment haha. Who cares if you fart in bed, its got to come out.

ps love the idea of it killing bed bugs:)

GotArt · 28/01/2011 06:27

My dad did the pull my finger bit too, but after a while, in a house full of girls, it wore off with lots of 'Oh Dad, you're gross' and no one would oblige him. Then it got changed to 'Where's the ducks?' when he ripped a good one off.

CharliesDad · 28/01/2011 16:18

The procedure of "tempering" or "curing" a new bed in this way has a long and respectable history. However, there are courtesies to be observed, for example orientation (it is considered polite to face (or arse) away from your partner), and containment (keep the duvet up to your chin for a minute or so after emission.

Cessj · 28/01/2011 19:48

Hi, yes, but does the Chinese weight loss tea work, albeit with the 'bottom burps'>

Original poster
krisskross · 28/01/2011 19:55

my brother (now 41) still comes round and uses the loo , stinks it out and tells me i've dropped an earring in there, so i will go in and smell the deed.

OP posts:
LongtimeinBrussels · 28/01/2011 20:17

Think of the poor Malawians

GotArt · 28/01/2011 21:16

I've been told the Chinese weight loss tea just gets your bowel movements to pass excess. Apparently, you can have almost 10 pounds of excrement in your intestines. One I use on occasion, but you must stay within very quick walking distance to your toilet is sea salt and water.

Salt Water Flush

GotArt · 28/01/2011 21:16

Senna Tea is great too over a 10 day period.

bupcakesandcunting · 28/01/2011 23:30

The Chinese tea works for me and my best mate. It does work like a colonic irrigation but I have good weight losses with it :)

Jacksmama · 28/01/2011 23:51

Mymblesson Wed 26-Jan-11 21:51:35
What about fanny farts?

Fanny farts are fine, except when the back pressure leads to a banjo string injury, when suddenly it's not fine at all.

Back pressure?? Banjo string injury???
Could someone please explain?? [baffled]
[also naive]

GotArt · 29/01/2011 02:09

lol.. I thought it was suppose to say 'fango', which is just another word for fanny, vag, pussy, beaver, cooch.... the list is almost endless. Grin But now reading it again in your post Jack, I'm not so sure anymore.

Back pressure refers to too much air being pumped in during the old 'in&out' action and then pressure builds up and PHOOF! Fanny Fart. Grin

Jacksmama · 29/01/2011 19:25

I need an answer to this!!! :o Blush

Dosey · 30/01/2011 21:25

I have just been reading this thread and have to share this. My uncle used to fart in the biscuit tin and when my auntie's friends came round for coffee, he used to open the tin, offer a biscuit and release the stinch, my cousins used to be doubled over with laughing!!!!!

LongtimeinBrussels · 30/01/2011 22:52

Shock and Grin

squareheadcut · 30/01/2011 23:07

that is so gross that you do that

Mrswhiskerson · 31/01/2011 07:53

A familymemberof min e took his girlfriend out for a Romantic weekend held jn his farts all day then went to sleep before her as soon as he relaxed into sleep they all came popping out ! Leavi g her to enjoy the sound/smell anyway he was mortified we all thought it was hilarious . Tbh I think you can only maintain a certain amount of mystery for so long people pump it's as natural as eating and sleeping .

wooback2skool · 09/08/2015 19:57

It's only fair to listen to him it's his bed too

StickEm · 09/08/2015 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/08/2015 20:03

This was 4 years ago you idiot Grin Grin