To think American baby showers are tacky and rude

[DaraMahini]

Anybody agree with me that baby showers (which americans have) are just tacky and quite rude?

I know it is the done thing over there, but it seems to me that if you live in America, you get pregnant and all your friends and family fork out and buy everything for you, including the expensive things like cots, pushchairs and car seats.

I don't think it's tacky.

I do think it's expensive for the friends and family, and I wouldn't personally have one for that reason.

But then, you could say the same about weddings. No-one seems to suggest that couples shouldn't have a wedding simply because their guests will feel obliged to get them a gift.

I don't see the problem. You don't host them yourself, and where I come from (Ireland) family and friends buy loads of gifts anyway, so why not get them all at a party?

YANBU.

I think it's one thing to celebrate a child's birth but a whole other thing to hold a "buy me presents" party.

BTW, I'm 28 weeks pregnant. We'll hold an open house 6 weeks after baby is born and provide food and drink. People will be welcome to bring gifts but the party isn't for that purpose and I won't expect any.

My friend had one and then got really upset about people who didn't go (guess they wanted to get out of buying a gift) or turned up without bringing her as much as she expected!

Meant to put on my original message, that they also register at places like babies r us for specific gifts. I sort of understand that they want people to buy things that they want/need, but I find that the worst thing to be honest. I wouldn't dare ask anybody for anything in particular. If they did ask, I would say "I haven't bought any cot sheets yet" or "You can never have too many bibs"

well they don't throw these parties for themselves do they? someone hosts it for them. And you only have one for the first child (even if you remarry)

I think it's nice to have a small one at work if you are going on maternity leave, but i would not have liked my friends to do me one to be honest....
I would feel very uncomfortable that the people who came would think they had to buy a gift.
Some friends bought gifts, some didn't when ds was born, but noone felt like they had to and that was fine. Some of my friends are in no position to be throwing money my way, and all that mattered was that they helped me to celebrate by being there.

Those that i've been to have kind of been more about the person who organised it, rather than the mum to be also which made me cringe a bit.

I know of someone (a friend of a friend) that threw her own!!

Now THAT is tacky!

I didn't know the 'only for the first child' rule bubbleoseven, certainly doesn't apply to anyone I know.....

Not tacky where they are traditional, in fact they sound nice.

Massively tacky here (unless you are originally from a country where they are traditional) as they have been enthusiastically taken up by baby stuff retailers, what a shock!

Well I had one. Not in America. I didn't have a list. It was a joint one with a friend as we were living in Vietnam at the time where all the expats either went to their home country or to Singapore or Bangkok to have their babies.

It was hosted by a friend and was about 12 of us at her house for an afternoon of tea and cake. Lots of cake. We were given presents. Nothing big. Babygros. Bibs. Nice smellies for hospital bag.

Went to one here recently for a friend and we all clubbed in to get her a voucher for a spa treatment.

This website is fabulous for all sorts of horror stories about babyshowers

allfurcoatandnoknicks, we threw our own along with our friends who helped, because THEY asked us to!

We wouldn't have done it if other people hadn't wanted 'a party for the baby', and nobody bought anything big like a pram/cot/etc, we bought that ourselves. People bought socks, scratch mitts etc, and we provided alcohol and food, they had a great time. Some people bought gifts and some didn't, and it was all cool.

I agree that expecting presents isn't a great look, but if one makes it clear (as we did) that they aren't expected, it's fine.

I don't really see how it's that different to people who aren't religious having a Christening. Plenty of people do that.

Personally, I wouldn't do it. I felt guilty enough that guests attending our wedding must have cost money, even when they were only paying for their own clothes and accomodation.

Also, to add, I love giving baby showers! I have given 3 and they were all alot of fun, and it is a fun thing to celebrate...an impending birth.
Its not as if the pregnant woman asks for it to be done, its her friends or family who do it for her.

YANBU, I do think they are tacky and I didn't want one, despite the offers (which were very kind, but it felt wrong). It's throwing a party just to get presents, very distasteful IMO.

I don't have any problem with it in America, where it is a well established custom, and has its own set of etiquette/rituals that have grown up around it. I am a huge fan of Etiquette Hell which gives a very detailed (and occasionally very funny)picture of what showers are like.

I would have a major problem (unless the guest of honour was American) with one being held over here - it just looks grabby and is not culturally appropriate. However, the importation of school proms, and the fuss about Halloween show we are culturally becoming closer to the USA, so maybe in a few years it will be normal here.

I think also there is an element for me of a shower while the mother to be is still pregnant is potentially a bit tempting fate. I will happily buy a small gift for a newborn, once it has safely arrived, and then have the added benefit of knowing the sex as well.

YABU.

I was invited to one in the States and it was lovely. There was a barbecue and lots of food, games for everyone to play, and yes we did bring a gift but nothing huge.
I get that closer relatives might buy more expensive presents but then my parents bought us a buggy as a gift- I didn't think it was tacky.

The way I see it if I'm invited at someone's house I would bring a present anyway- it's not that much different. People don't throw the baby shower 'to receive gifts' but to celebrate the impending birth with friends and family.

The only objection I have to the concept is that I tend to be superstitious. I'd rather wait till the baby arrives safe and sound, just in case!

Tacky is a funny description. Not sure why you specifically think it's tacky.

I am holding one for my friend because I love her and want to bless her. There is no pressure for guests to bring gifts and we will have a lovely time just getting together with our mum chums. It's really what you make it. There is no reason why we can't adopt aspects of it from the Americans without going overboard.

If it's part of your culture, that's fine. Deliberately introducing it into another culture is a PITA. I already buy my friends a baby present when they have the baby. I don't see why I should also get them one because they're pregnant.

ps mum chums???? Aaaaagh.

YANBU. It sounds so greedy. It's the only occasion I know of that is held solely for getting presents.