To think American baby showers are tacky and rude

[DaraMahini]

Anybody agree with me that baby showers (which americans have) are just tacky and quite rude?

I know it is the done thing over there, but it seems to me that if you live in America, you get pregnant and all your friends and family fork out and buy everything for you, including the expensive things like cots, pushchairs and car seats.

[ilovemydogandMrObama]

OP, why do you care . I'm American and it's a lovely thing to do. Some baby showers are ott, but so are some weddings. So what.

Have you ever been to one?

[StataLover]

MadamDeathStare

So true! T&T at halloween was so much fun in the US because everyone joined in with the spirit of it. It's so different here.

This comment made me laugh
'Oh and apparently Americans don't 'get' self-deprecating humor, totally missing the point that for humor to be self-deprecating it has to be directed at yourself.'

[A1980]

If a friend arranges it for you and you didn't know then you can't be criticised.

But I do find the whole thing tacky anyway. Weddings have gone the same way. They're more about a huge grab bag for yourself than a day about committing to each other for life. I've seen threads on here where someone had been engaged for a few days and she was asking people if it was rude to ask the guests to pay for the honeymoon.

With some couples weddings are a big opportunity to get stuff from your guests and get your luxury holiday paid for. The irony is that my friends who did that had been living with their partner for years and had already had several long haul holidays. Now pregnancy has gone the same way,with these nauseating parties to get everything for your baby paid for by someone else.

I'm sick of it tbh, my friends who have children I've so far forked out for engagement party presents, wedding presents, gifts when the baby is born, christening presents, etc, etc, etc, ETC! Not one of them even buys me a birthday card. When did it all become about sutff?!

You want to get married, have a honeymoon and have a baby, pay for it yourself is my attitude.

[PissOrnMoiStick]

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 13-Jan-11 19:25:57
I loathe these anti-American threads.

All it demonstrates the sheer xenophobic ignorance of a large number of MNers.

It is hypocrisy at its worst

I totally agree with that Stewie.

I am amazed at MN (which is generally pretty right on) and at the amount of casual anti-american prejudice there is.

If the OP came on and said that greek weddings (where cash is pinned on the dress) or Indian weddings (where cash is also given as a rule) she would have been rightly flamed.

Why pick on the Americans?

It is a perfecctly nice tradition. Certainly a lot better than traditions like hen nights and better than christenings (where you are given useless things like silver hairbrushes)

[PissOrnMoiStick]

And well done beyondtacky for disproving that a sardonic sense of humour and a talent for irony is possible if you are American.

I have never understood how morons can say 'amercians don't do irony' when you have Woody Allen, Jerry Seinfeld and Rich Hall amongsth thousands of others.

[PissOrnMoiStick]

OOh!

I forgot I chaged my name. I am getorfmoiland by the way.

[tl10]

ooooops I must be very tacky then!! But as someone who had a v v busy social life before I was pregnant it was an excuse to get all my friends around for a chilled out party when I was 7 months pregnant. We had a fab time- I booked 2 beauticians from Saks to do pampering treatments for everyone for half price, I ordered around (and padi for) around twenty pizzas from the local take out and bought a load of booze for my friends to drink. I said I didn't expect gifts (although people brought some lovely things but mostly small, cute things like dummies, outfit sets and booties) but it was all about celebrating the soon arrival of my baby and catching up with my pals while I still had the time. It cheered me right up in mid-august when I had a bump and couldn't go out round bars etc for feeling like I was getting stared at even though I was having soft drinks! It was nice to show off my bump too to friends I don't get to catch up with every day but made a big effort to come. I justify it in that we aren't getting my lovely daughter christened so won't expect anything then and it was a great night- people didn't go home until 4am so it must have been fairly enjoyable I hope :) x

[ilovemydogandMrObama]

[PissOrnMoiStick]

I meant proving irony and sardonic is possible

I think it is a lovely idea, frankly.

They never had such a thing when dd was born.

[StataLover]

POMS

Not forgetting 'Curb your enthusiasm'

[PissOrnMoiStick]

Oh I love that. Larry David. My brother bought me the entire lot of boxsets a couple of crimbos ago.

[StataLover]

You don't get better irony than that!

'You ate baby Jesus, Larry'

Then you turn to BBC America and see 'Keeping up Appearances'. [Hmm]

[YankNCock]

is it that time of the week already?

I won't bother mucking in, what needed to be said has been said brilliantly by the others. Shame these type of threads never go away, just continue to come back in various forms with all new outrages we are inflicting on the poor British public.

FWIW, I'm an American, and I've never even been to a baby shower, much less had one of my own. Not my thing. But I didn't do a big wedding or hen night either. Again, not my thing.

[PlanetLizard]

YANBU. I think it's much better for gifts to be given after the baby has arrived safely IMO, either when you first visit the new parents or by post, or at the christening.

[tl10]

Surely it's only the same principle of buying nursery equipment/things for the baby before it arrives? We saved so much money throughout the earlier stages of my pregnancy for our baby but wouldn't spend any of it before 7 months when I felt as reassured as I could (touch wood- even now speaking this way makes me cringe)- but at the very least you still need have bought at the very least a car seat/clothes/basics prior to the birth to even take the baby home? I think the key is though to not expect presents if you host something like a shower but instead see it as an excuse for a celebration and party for your pregnancy/ new life coming. To me, if you receive anything you should be enormously grateful and see it as secondary to the sole purpose of meeting up and having a good time and a laugh (much like having a birthday party etc) xxx

[tadjohndoryp]

I am a British expat living in America, due my 3rd dc in 3 weeks. My Chinese neighbour, whose husband is coincidentally my dh's colleague and friend, would like to host a baby shower for me. I have felt really uncomfortable about the idea as I have never been to one and it's my 3rd child (though I gave away most of my baby stuff before we came here). She wants to do it as another wife threw one for her when she was expecting her second baby. This is really nice of her and I appreciate it, but have said that there's no need to buy presents, though cupcakes and/or playdough to keep the older 2 occupied while I'm feeding. Is this bad form?

(I have noticed that there is a lot of picking individual aspects of American culture and misinterpreting it slightly before dismissing it out of hand. It's a real shame as it always says more about the disparager than the disparaged).

[Cartoose]

YABU. The title of this thread is the only thing that sounds rude to me.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

We had them for two friends at work who went on mat leave. One was at someone's house, the other at a restaurant. They were great fun and people just gave toys or babygros. On both occasions there had been a work collection and a bigger present bought with that.

I didn't have one, I was the first to go on mat leave in years. But they threw me a big surprise party at work on my last day and bought me loads of stuff including a Moses basket. The only difference I can see between the two is that my friends and I obviously like each other whereas those of you who think it's tacky don't. I can't imagine thinking my friends were grasping and tacky. They wouldn't be my friends if they were.

[onmyfeet]

"Anybody agree with me that baby showers (which americans have) are just tacky and quite rude?"

Baby showers are not rude, that is an odd description of a baby shower. Tacky depends on the people involved. Sometimes there are greedy low class types of persons involved, no more so that in any country though. I have read many threads here about bridal registry lists being included with wedding invitations, those sort are in every country you visit.

I know it is the done thing over there, but it seems to me that if you live in America, you get pregnant and all your friends and family fork out and buy everything for you, including the expensive things like cots, pushchairs and car seats."

Who told you that? Any birthday party, which is kind of what a baby shower is, involves gifts and the extravagance depends on the guest wealth. The ones I have been at, any big gift, like a crib, has been bought by several people going in together. My mil and gm-in-law went together and bought my baby a playpen. My 4 aunts went together and bought a crib mattress. The rest of the presents were outfits, undershirts, receiving blankets type of gifts, and a couple of baby toys.

It is a social gathering, for fun, for the first baby. I do not know why you think it is tacky. Please do not judge everyone based on some people. Any party can be tacky!

[onmyfeet]

BTW, I am Canadian, and we have baby showers here as well.

[theevildead2]

Baby showers aren't tacky. some people who hold them can be though.


You don't have to bring a present although people tend to buy presents anyway so if the new mum gets 15,000 baby grows it seems a bit stupid to not let you know what she actually needs. You don't have to spend a fortune, the more expensive gifts are on the list for family who want to buy it.

Really it is just a party to celebrate a big change in your life. Every culture does that why do the British have to be so british about everything sometimes.

[swanandduck]

I think it's like a lot of things. It started off as a lovely, simple custom but some people have hijacked the custom and turned it into a big, expensive, competitive 'event'.

It's the same with weddings, christening, First Communions (in Ireland) and kids birthday parties. Some people just can't leave well enough alone but have to turn everything into an elaborate occasion.