To think American baby showers are tacky and rude

[DaraMahini]

Anybody agree with me that baby showers (which americans have) are just tacky and quite rude?

I know it is the done thing over there, but it seems to me that if you live in America, you get pregnant and all your friends and family fork out and buy everything for you, including the expensive things like cots, pushchairs and car seats.

[Shewhoshallnotbenamed]

I'm a Brit (ducks for cover) I LOVE the US, find it fascinating. No, I'm not trying to suck-up, I really do. I spent 2 months in 2001 and 3 months in 2002 living/working in Phoenix. I managed to do a bit of travelling during my weekends and I loved every minute. I also befriended a mum-friend once DD was born who had moved to the UK and was struggling with our 'bizarre' cultures.

I think the OP has been rude and knows it.

However, I do think that Baby Showers in the UK are generally speaking tacky, not because they're a US import but because - as has been pointed out - they are very new and the social etiquette is not being followed. On top of which, the shops are eager to steal every penny they can so will happily over-egg the pudding so to speak.

My cousin's friend invited me to one and I had already bought a gorgeous present, but the expectation was that I gave it at the shower. I really took offence to this because, the traditions that I follow dictate that once the baby is born family/friends visit you, meet the baby and then give the gift.

I loved it when DD was born, I sat on the sofa like a happy-yet-sleep-deprived-whale and a stream of visitors came in and made a fuss of me and DD - brill!

Reading through the posts on here from US MN'ers, I can now understand the reasoning and really like the idea of the parties - as per your culture. Unfortunately it's early days in the UK and I'm still not too happy with the idea, but like you say - I don't have to accept the invite.

Enough with the UK bashing too please, we're not all castle-dwelling oiks who look down their noses at you and sit watching Friends and SATC all day (I also watch NCIS...)

[cashewsmummy]

Personally I didn't have one, didn't want one and think they're a bit naff!

[TyraG]

I'm from the US and I had a baby shower with my DS. A friend of the family threw it for me (she asked if she could as she's known me since I was 5). We did have a registry, but we bought all the big stuff ourselves and a registry is just a guideline in the event you don't know what to get. I did open the presents in front of everyone while someone else wrote down what was received and from whom. That way it's easier to write out the thank you cards (and yes I did send thank you cards out). I did not have a baby shower for DD, I was asked if someone could throw one for me but I declined as I think you should only have one for the first baby as it's meant to help first time parents out, not to be a windfall.

Shewhoshallnotbenamed I just relocated to the UK from Phoenix, how did you like it? Were you in Phoenix or one of the outlying cities in the Metro area? Love me some Mark Harmon.

[cloudydays]

Oh Shewhoshallnotbenamed I think that last bit was directed at me! Sorry if I offended, my intention was not to bash back at the UK.

My point about "Friends" etc. was just that American exports are so ubiquitous in TV, radio, cinema etc. in the UK and Ireland, that some people (and I did say some!!)might tend to think they understand American culture more throughly than they do. Maybe that's part of why it might not occur to the OP or others that their knowledge of US customs - and therefore their ability to make sound judgements about those customs - is much less comprehensive than they believe it to be, and that their sweeping generalizations are as offensive to Americans as they would be to any other culture.

I don't remember saying anything about castle-dwelling oiks watching TV all day, but since you mention it, it sounds like a culture I could do my best to adapt to

[Shewhoshallnotbenamed]

TyraG I was working at the airport at America West, stayed just outside Tempe - the apartments were not far from ..... the I10?? I think, is a looong time ago lol! I know there was a Denny's just round the corner....ha ha!

I made some really good friends there, our Friday nights after work were spent at the Rockin' Rodeo and I normally ended up on the stage as I was a bit of a novelty with my UK accent!

I absolutely loved my time in Phoenix, I drove up into the mountains one weekend - is it Tortila Flats? (my memory is shocking!) Where ever it was, wow it was so beautiful. I really want to take DD back there, I feel as thought it's calling me! I could go on and on, but I won't (my family are so bored of me, however my parents are taking their first trip to the US and are going to try and do some of my recommendations - Sedona and Oak Creek Canyon, loved that too!)

Sorry to everyone else, got lost in nostalgia land

[Shewhoshallnotbenamed]

Cloudydays my last comment about US TV was entirely light hearted....dare I say self deprecating ;)

I like to perpetuate the castle-dweller myth, makes me look good ;)

[cloudydays]

Ah! Self-deprecating! That would explain why I didn't get it.

[Shewhoshallnotbenamed]

LOL!

[TyraG]

Shewhoshallnotbenamed yeah I loved Sedona, Flagstaff too.

[Shewhoshallnotbenamed]

Flagstaff was really nice, especially good for me growing up seeing the TV/Film version of US towns - Flagstaff was pretty cool! We were only there for an hour or so, on our way to Sedona from Grand Canyon.

[KezandBaba]

My partner wants hold a gathering for me and I think it's a lovely gesture. Being heavily pregnant is a time when you maybe feel like you can't go out and about as much and your missing out on going for drinks or to parties with friends and so a chance to have them all rallied around to you I think is brilliant. To be able to hear stories from all these different sources of their baby experiences etc will be great. I'm not expecting presents and my partner is going to make that very clear.
As with pretty much anything, whether it is tacky or not is entirely dependent on the approach taken and the way it is delivered.

[HelenBa]

I find them uncomfortably commercial, having friends round is great obviously - but anyone could do that without labelling it a baby shower which everyone knows means the parents are expecting free stuff

[HermyaLovesLysander]

I would have loved one tbh, then again I just like parties and to me it would be an excuse to go out and have cream tea or a drink etc.

I didn't get one with DS and I actually felt a bit disapointed, people just didn't seem to have time (same thing happened with hen party, but whose counting meapparently).

Anyway, it probably shouldn't be an over the top tacky affair but what isn't nice about having a bit of a gathering and just generally making a bit of a fuss over Mum to be.

If you don't like them, don't have one.

[dreamofgenie]

I didn't understand the two list thing with weddings either, but it's just the way things are done here. However, I am a bit miffed (maybe not rightly so) that my husband was invited to an old friend's whole wedding, while I was only invited to the the evening bit. And they actually stipulated this on the invite! I've never heard of that, but maybe it is the norm? Can someone enlighten me? I'm still feeling the sting from that one!

[Shewhoshallnotbenamed]

dreamofgenie what???

I'd be highly offended by that, but then it's definitely not the norm here.

[tadjohndoryp]

No, that's not normal dreamofgenie. I would be miffed about that too.

But I do genuinely think it's a question of finances, having a daytime do and inviting lots more people for the evening. Wedding venues are extortionate these days and not that many people are lucky enough to have a garden that would fit a marquee big enough to have everyone all at once. It really isn't meant to be an insult, as most people know that the reception (including the boring photos bit and potentially boring speeches!) is mainly for extended family and old friends. I thought my evening bit was much more relaxed and people genuinely seemed to have fun then!

[dreamofgenie]

To be fair, it's his old friend, but by this time we had been married for a couple of years and I thought I was getting to be good friends with her..... but maybe it's normal in England? This was about 3 years ago and it was my first English wedding so I wasn't even aware until that point that there was an a and b list.

[tadjohndoryp]

Sorry, pregnancy brain apparently means I can't vary my vocabulary any more!

[dreamofgenie]

Thanks tad. I have to say, I did drink my weight in wedding-couple-bought-wine that night in retaliation!

[tadjohndoryp]

You did right genie!

[cuppateaanyone]

Baby showers are ace - getting together, often as girls to celebrate the impending birth, relax and spending quality time with dear family and friends before the sleep depravation/distraction of a newborn kicks in.

Listening to my friends mum reminiscing about her as a baby over tea and cake was lovely
Playing 'the price is right' baby style
Silly games involving baby food - it's all good fun and really special

As for gifts I/my friends would all buy something anyway and if money is tight contributing towards something makes sense, especially and some stuff doesn't have to be new - lending a car seat, my mum brought my baby comb and gave it to me (I cried), pram suits, play gyms....

Am currently planning my friend's - afternoon tea at claridges and I can't wait!

[Shewhoshallnotbenamed]

genie that is really shocking, I have never heard of that at a UK wedding. You invite people as a couple or family unit - how rude.

[Mollydoggerson]

babyshowers - naff
wedding lists - naff
one invite, instead of couple invite to the wedding - bad form. If they have a plus one it is only polite to invite the other half.

[A1980]

It's a horrible thing to coincide with this thread.

But, I found out today that my cousin, who lives abroad, just lost her first baby at 20 weeks. Her water broke and they didn't manage to save it.

She had asked us all to get her baby things for Christmas as she didn't need anything for herself and it would be fun. I got her some cute outfits for the baby.

Now all I can think of is her going home from hospital to a room full of baby gifts she was given for Christmas. I feel tearful about it for her.

It might be horribly superstitious but I'm never giving a baby gift again until it's born safe and sound.

[cherrysodalover]

I honestly think the yanks are just kinder somehow- they really celebrate babies being born and the babyshower is part of that. We moved here before our son was born and were so touched when my husband's colleagues clubbed together and put one on for us. It wasn't the very generous gift card that actually we used to buy our pram and car seat that really touched us- although how generous is that when you have only worked somewhere a month....but just the fact they had thought of us. My colleagues at my previous place of work had also marked it and i was very appreciative of what they did but the sheer genersosity of spirit we encountered in the americans who we hardly knew really touched us.

I did not expect it, but when is organised as a surprise it really is very touching. I think we can learn a lot about having a generous heart from many of the americans i have met over time. They are just less cynical than the average brit and I love em for it!!