To think American baby showers are tacky and rude

[DaraMahini]

Anybody agree with me that baby showers (which americans have) are just tacky and quite rude?

I know it is the done thing over there, but it seems to me that if you live in America, you get pregnant and all your friends and family fork out and buy everything for you, including the expensive things like cots, pushchairs and car seats.

I like 'Americanised' Halloween too
those Yanks know how to party ....

I think it is okay for Americans to have baby showers as it's part of their culture. However it is not part of British culture and I think we could do without it importing it tbh. Much prefer to buy a gift for a baby once it has arrived safely in the world.

I really dislike this development in the workplace whereby people are expected to contribute all the time to peoples life events, even if you don't know or like the person concerned.

Unrelated, but does anyone watch Bridezillas (I watch all the intellectual stuff). Apparently it's traditional for the best man to pay for the grooms hotel suite. You should see the bride kick off if she deems the best man hasn't flexed his credit card sufficiently. If you want to see grabby, I recommend watching this.

I think for Americans it's tradition so I do find it hard to get angry at something which is just a difference in culture.

But if one of my friends had a baby shower I wouldn't feel comfortable going especially if there was a list for what gifts you can buy. I would buy a gift after the baby is born instead.

Doesn't have to be about the presents.

when I was pregnant the father walked out leaving me high and dry. At their suggestion I had my friends and other women in the village came to my baby shower. I held it to say thanks for all their support (putting me up,giving me work,loads of baby stuff) and I did the food and drink and gave them leaving presents at the end. just wanted to know I appreciated all their help (including a house to have it in as I was in a hostel for the homeless).

They didn't bring presents but collected money so I could have some of those pregnacy portraits done to remember being pregnant as a special time instead of the nightmare it started out as.I felt really supported and the photo's look lovely - proof that I made it through.

To those who think it's just a "grabby" party, it's actually nothing of the sort. It's a way to celebrate upcoming parenthood and the birth of a beautiful baby before the baby comes and there's no time for the parents to do anything else. The presents are a second-thought at these things.

I also think it's tackier for someone to say a cultural difference is tacky. It's really horrible actually.

I am American but I am living in the UK and I had a baby shower. I would have been really sad not to have that while bringing my baby up in a completely different country far away from family. People brought very small presents, but some brought none at all and I was completely fine with that. I glowed in the specialness of the day and feeling lots of love from all of my friends.

YABU.

You don't host it yourself. Your friends or family do it for you. There is nothing grabby about that.

My friends have just given me one, they all put in about £10 and I have vouchers to get a lovely present. Doesn't have to be large expensive gifts. It was just a few games and friends sat drinking tea, eating cake and chatting. Was a lovely afternoon.

well, i would be deeply uncomfortable having /attending a baby shower. as stewie says of us Brits, it's the fact that the baby isn't born yet that bothers me. yes i know that really the chances of a healthy baby being born are very high, but i still find the idea of soemone being showered with gifts for an unborn baby not something i'd want to join in with.

i have an american friend who was having a baby out of usa and we had a girls spa day instead and it was fab. i organised it but didn't know part of the baby shower thing was not organising it yourself so i'm glad i did it for her!

I am going to have one. My sister is organising it but I do want one - I think it's a nice chance to get together with friends before the baby is born and feel a bit pampered! Afterall a first baby only happens once and it's nice to share the excitement of it all with a party before the baby is here.There will be food, drink and games but I want the invites to make clear that it's obviously not a requirement to bring a gift. I think people will bring gifts to be honest but if they do it will be instead of a gift after the baby is born, as is tradition here. I've been to friend's baby showers in this country and that's been the protocol - so I don't see the harm to be honest!

Hmm, also, forgive me if I'm wrong OP... but were you not the same Dara who also posted on here about how a registrar upset you by slagging off your child's name for being 'foreign'?

If so, I find it a little rich that you went on that thread (rightly!!!) expecting sympathy, then start another one slagging off someone else's culture....

Hmm...

Also in terms of it being inappropriate before a healthy baby is born I think that having had a baby shower would be the very least of your worries should, God forbid, the worst happen.

I'm sorry if I have offended anybody, that was not my intention.

Tacky was not the right word. My first language is not English so sometimes I get words mixed up. I can't think of the correct word. I can't think of how to explain what I mean.

Yet again I realize I must have been ridiculed and judged. Thank god for Mumsnet. I was a fool for many years and failed to understand that British manners are often a veneer over vicious petty prejudice particularly with regard to Americanness. Basically, we're common. We'll always be common, we'll not be allowed out of the common box. Which is a relief, no need to avoid dressing our kids in, say, sleeveless vests. We just can't win, so why not?

Anyway, apologies to all who attended my tacky shower. Mostly not Americans. God, what must they have thought.

Oh, your hen dos - now they're pure class.

I don't think Americans are tacky...

beyondtacky -

Friend was invited to a 'baby shower' in a Mamas and Papas store, complete with baby list. Do you hit a glass of warm wine, a sausage roll, and the opportunity to buy her PFB some overpriced baby tat.

Lovely.

'do you hit'

Sorry

'you got'

baby showers are thrown by the freinds, youa re not obliged to attend or contribute in any way.

i find your attitude far ruder than any invite to a baby shower

What in a shop?

I cannot think of anything more tacky than that. Yes a party with friends who have thoughtfully bought gifts is a nice thing.

Whopping out your credit card in some shop on an industrial estate is not.

YABU

I had my second baby when living in the US. Some of my friends organised a baby shower for me. It was lovely. Gifts were all low-key and men and children came along too (because that's what we all wanted). That afternoon is one of my fondest memories of living in the US. I know it's not part of British culture (but lots of other things aren't either) and they can be too consumerist - but you don't have to do it that way.