"but that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?"

[EhFattyBumBum]

In brief, mine and DPs sex life isnt the best. We have a nearly 2 y/o and having a tough time with his sleeping habits. We both also work f/t and are both often too tired to do anything, but when we do its great. No real complaints so far.

However, I have had thrush for about 3 - 4 days, very sore, very swollen, very itchy and just generally a bit miserable with it but hopefully its going away.

All last night DP is saying/hinting how I should have another drink and get pissed, and another, and "oooh the boy is tired maybe he will sleep for us tonight" to a generally less tactful "is your fanny still itching, maybe we can have an early night?".

I explain that not only am I still resisting the urge not to get a scouring pad, but he can catch it too and just pass it back to me if we did anything and sorry but I just dont think its the best idea.

He whinges that the one time for a little while that we get chance I have an excuse. I agree that yes it is shit that the one time we are BOTH awake I happen to have this.

Then, he says "well that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?". I changed the subject, ignored him and he kept saying it.

We got to bed and more of the same, pawing me, grabbing hold of my hand and asking if that had thrush etc and eventually he tired of it and left me alone.

AIBU to now feel a bit offended by how he spoke to me? I felt like saying to him, yea I'll sort you out, now leave £20 on the nightstand.....

(namechange btw)

I am disgusted that in 2011 there are people that think a wife/partner is obliged to perform sexual acts even if she is not in the mood/willing too.

It is NOT her duty to do so and nor can she be blamed if her husband/partner then commits infidelity. What a ridiculous assumtion to make, it is his faulty and his fault alone!

OP YABNBU for a) not having sex with the twunt nor b) refusing to "wank him off"

The physiology of arousal and climax is different for men and women. Most men can be tossed off quite quickly of they were already in the mood, but women would generally take longer.

No, I would not ask to be tossed off (equivalent) by dh for this reason. But I don't think it is necessarily an imposition the other way round.

I would agree with moondog - I don't think that within a long term relationship the sex act is so fundamentally different from anything else for special rules to apply.

fucking hell

moondog - I do the washing up when I'm not in the mood to save dh having to do it but I certainly wouldn't expect to give him a wank - sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable, washing up isn't.

I feel most sorry for the poor wretches on this thread who would wank their husbands off when not in the mood 'for a quiet life'. Ick.

Wow.

OP YANBU at all. Ugh. If my DH said that to me seriously (he's said that kind of thing as a joke before - sometimes I'll do it, IF I want to) he'd get a stern talking to at the very least. Wanking exists for a reason!!!

'she doesn't have to be in mood to wank him off'.

Am leaving this thread before it puts me off sex for the rest of my life.

moondog: "Why should sex be any different form anything else?
I do a lot of things in my personal and professional life I'm not wild about but so as to bring pleasure/happiness/comfort/satsifaction/relief to people I care about."

well maybe there lies the difference. i am wild about sex, i love sex and i wouldn't want to ruin it by turning it into the kind of service contract you are diminishing it to with this crap.

and that's what he's doing, diminishing the 'value' of sexual intimacy for his partner by being so crass and unattractive about it.

i'm beginning to suspect the women who think we should just get on and service men have never had a decent shag and hate sex so see it as a duty to be done and in mood or not makes no difference it's just an unpleasant necessity for keeping your man.

yuk

but u would be doing it for him not for mutual pleasure. Its just a considerate, benevolent thing to do in such circs

no one is saying women have to do it or should be forced to or its a duty etc....................so many getting their knickers in a twist about this.

What would be so awful about helping him out? No reason to make a big deal that you're not in the mood and have a sore fanny blah blah blah.........minimum effort involved.

shall we just state it again for you connie - because she didn't want to. full stop.

'helping him out'

I'm undecided.

In the same situation, I have given him a hand job in the past.

Similarly, when he had been circumcised and not yet ready for action, he returned the favour for me.

But if, for whatever reason, you really really didn't want to, I don't see why you have to.

yes i understand she didn't want to and that is her perogative

but why vilify the chap for asking? Seems that people think its outrageous that he even asked.............not his problem she has thrush is it.

'that doesnt stop you sorting me out, does it?' is not asking, it's not appealing, it's not sexy.

Most couples care when the other has something wrong with them that leaves them in discomfort. And offer tea and sympathy. Not say "well it's not my problem is it" and demand hand jobs.

So yes, it is his problem that she has thrush, if he cares about her.

There are different types of sex within a long term relationship. It does not have to be a full on seduction every time.

For all the emotional energy that was spent on this thread getting outraged and creating/writing posts about prostitution, I could have 'sorted' her dh out and got on with the laundry or whatever.

Not saying the OP should be forced to service her dh. Women should not be forced into any sexual act.

But it was NY's eve, her dh has not had sex in a long time. Their child is 2. She should at least turn her mind to how to rectify the situation.

The ratio of effort to reward is so great in this case as to make this a golden opportunity. A happy dh for so little effort is not to be sniffed at.

Have some of you even heard of 'quick wins' or 'low hanging fruit' .

Well I would have just done it for mine. But he would never have used the phrase 'itchy fanny'

Jesus. I can't believe that it has been suggested that a loving decent man can be so morally weak and ruled by his penis that he would turn to infidelity because his wife wouldn't wank him off. Once.

If I was a man I would be really offended by that.

Santa

'i am wild about sex, i love sex and i wouldn't want to ruin it by turning it into the kind of service contract you are diminishing it to with this crap.'

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Are you trying to persuade us of this or perhaps just yourself?

But why would he want his wife to 'sort him out' if he knew she didnt want to?? How could you get sexual pleasure if you knew the person you were with wasn't into it? That's really weird

Maybe its just me but I can't imagine a biger turn off.

"Seems that people think its outrageous that he even asked"

Let me refer you to the OP

"Then, he says "well that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?". I changed the subject, ignored him and he kept saying it.

We got to bed and more of the same, pawing me, grabbing hold of my hand and asking if that had thrush etc and eventually he tired of it and left me alone."

That's a little bit more than asking really isn't it?

rofl at bloke asking if the hand had thrush.

My God but you are a sour joyless lot aren't you?

joyless?

Oh my husband wants me to wank him off when I don't feel like it, ha fucking ha, bloody hilarious......

It's so endemic of the hatchet faced 'feminism' endemic.

'I'd sooner chop off me left tit than-God forbid!-do anything for the wanker I live with'

Smashing.

Yeah, that's what it is moondog, nothing to do with an idiot who is unable to possibly conceive that no might mean no

FWIW, my DH rolled his eyes at posts like yours, and said the OP's DH was out of line.