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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have another dc in a 2 bed flat?

202 replies

mamasmissionimpossible · 30/12/2010 20:37

DH and I have been considering having a 3rd DC. We have two dc's who share a bedroom. We currently have a two bedroom flat. Do you think it is unfair to put another dc in the only spare bedroom we have?

I think moving home will be some years off, but I know my fertility is not going to stick around forever and we don't want too large an age gap between the dc's. Our dc's are, ds (5) and dd (3).

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 30/12/2010 20:43

So, you're thinking of putting 3 children in one room?

I had my babies in the room with me for the first 6 months and then they moved to their own room.

I have 2 boys, who share a room (through choice) and a 14 month old girl who has her own room... I couldn't imagine putting her in with the boys, as none of them would sleep, or would wake each other up.

I would worry more about the living space than the sleeping space, presumably there isn't a great deal of space in a 2 bed flat?

You know what you can manage with, and in the end its your decision, but personally, I would rather move somewhere bigger.

NotANaturalGeordie · 30/12/2010 20:47

My aunt and uncle had 4 dc, 3 girls and a boy in a 3 bed house. The 3 girls shared the largest room, my aunt and uncle shared the second largest room and the boy had the box room. Until they left home. They are a very close family, having chosen to share accommodation in various ways over the years (renting together, buying together, buying from one another, having a sibling as a lodger) so no, I do not think YABU.

fluffygal · 30/12/2010 20:47

I have a 3 bed house. DS (5) and DD (4) had a room each. OH moved in with DSS1 (4) and DSS2 (3), who sleep in DS's room. We just had a DD who is in with us (2 months). There is enough room now but we have just put our house on the market as we will eventually need a bigger place.

YANBU if you realise you will need a bigger place once they are older and can provide this in the future. YABU If you expect them to fit in one room in 8 years time.

CommanderDrool · 30/12/2010 20:55

I have three children in a two bed flat. It is a tenement though do the rooms are pretty big. Dd1 (6) dd2(4) dd3(18 months) have share since adD3 was about 9 months.

It isn't ideal. We have dd3 in bed with us for part of 'the night as we don't want her to wake the other two. Dd1 does not have privacy or anywhere yo take her friends. This isn't an issue right now but will be I reckon, in about a year.

We will be moving next year. Well we hope so anyway.

BramblyHedge · 30/12/2010 20:55

I have a 2 bed small terrace and we were sticking at 2 kids (4 and 2), mainly because of space/ money...then nature had its own way and I am 32 wks with dc3 now! Baby will be in with us for at least a year and the boys are getting bunk beds. It will be VERY cosy but we will make the best of it. Ironically I returned to work 6 months ago to enable us to save up and get a bigger mortgage! Not going to happen for a few more years now. I think it depends on how big your flat is but if you can afford it and want another I'd go for it and work towards moving in a few years.

Fernie3 · 30/12/2010 21:00

We have a three bedroom house with 4 children so when our baby is bigger there will be three girls in the large room and one boy in the smaller ( wanted to keep the rooms same sex). This is fine as there is loads of room in the big room we would have been more reluctant if it would have been a squish.

mutznutz · 30/12/2010 21:01

I think it's probably best to look at what it is that's making a move to a larger place 'some years off' and perhaps see if you can make some changes to bring a move about sooner?

overmydeadbody · 30/12/2010 21:03

YANBU as long as there is enough living space for you all.

I have a 2 bed flat but the kitchen is tiny and there is very little storage space in the flat. There is no way I would have another child while still living here.

overmydeadbody · 30/12/2010 21:05

Meant to add, I grew up in a two bedroom flat with three sisters and a brother, but the flat was a huge thing in the middle east, the rooms where very large indeed and the sitting room was very big. It was fine.

Annoying sometimes not to have my own space, but on the whole it was fine as we weren't squashed. We are very close even now, as a family.

tattycoram · 30/12/2010 21:09

I'm in a two bedroom flat with two dcs. If I were you I would go for it, you will just have to move when it gets too much

tattycoram · 30/12/2010 21:10

I wouldn't let it stop you having another dc if that's what you really want and if you absolutely can't move yet

Laquitar · 30/12/2010 21:15

It will not be a big problem until few years later. For now it will be fine. Go for it!

Deafworm · 30/12/2010 21:17

i live in a 3 bed house but my 3 girls aged 5, 3 and 1 share the biggest bedroom, they love sharing a room, we had more hassle when they were in seperate rooms before the youngest went in with them.

faverolles · 30/12/2010 21:19

My three share a room. We have plans to change this, but we're waiting to see what dc4 is before we do anything drastic!

Fwiw, they all get on, they sleep well and they are all excellent at sharing :)

Original poster
mamasmissionimpossible · 30/12/2010 21:21

Thanks for your responses. I thought I might get flamed for even considering a third dc.

I have wanted another dc since for over 2 years. I thought the longing would fade, but if anything it has become stronger.

It is not a huge flat, but large by UK standards.

In all honesty, I do have reservations about us all fitting in here, and ds does seem to like his space. Confused

The new dc will be in with us for at least a year and perhaps we will be able to move soon after then and hopefully not in 8 years!

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/12/2010 21:22

At one point we had 2 kids in a one bed flat so it can be done. My 7 yr old and 3 yr old DS share as we are now in a two bed.

DS2 stayed in our room for over a year so he was more settled in his sleeping patterns before he went in with DS1.

I think you will have to move in the next 4 - 5 years as your DS might not want to share with his sister when he is 9 or 10.

Northernlebkuchen · 30/12/2010 21:22

We had three dcs in a two bed terrace. Dd1 was 9 and dd2 6 when we had our (planned) dd3. We lived there for a year before being able to move. Moving was very nice - but we managed before that. If you want another dc - go for it.

pink4ever · 30/12/2010 21:24

We have 3 dcs and live in a small 2 bed terraced house.We get alot of snidey comments about this(inlaws mainly)but simply cannot afford to move at the moment.
Ds(7) and dd(4) share a room(bunkbeds) and the baby(1) is still in with us. If we dont move in near future then think will resolve problem by swopping bedrooms(ours is v big)and partitioning it in some way.
If this is the only thing holding you back then go for it(children dont need a room of their own). I grew up in 2 bed flat with 3 adults and 2 siblings,done me no harm whatsoever!.

borderslass · 30/12/2010 21:26

We had our 2 dd's and ds in a 2 bed-roomed house we eventually knocked a biggish walk in cupboard out and made it into 3 only way we could do it.

Marjoriew · 30/12/2010 21:27

I had 7 in a three-bedroomed house - 4 girls and three boys.
I slept downstairs, the three boys had the biggest bedroom, three girls in another big bedroom and one girl in the box room.
Every six months they swapped over and they all got to have the box room to themselves.
It was never a problem and even when they started to move out and there was more space, they still stopped in their own rooms.

RumourOfAHurricane · 30/12/2010 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 30/12/2010 21:30

you could always get a bed settee for yourselves

PrincessScrumpy · 30/12/2010 21:30

I only have 1 dd but plan to have a second. Bit different to you, but we have a 3 bed house and had been thinking about moving dd into bigger bedroom and selling double bed that's in there and baby could go in dd's old room. Tonight, we've had a rethink and are going to squeeze the double bed into the box room (will just about fit) so family can visit (we live 4 hours from in-laws etc) and will put baby in with dd.

I guess what I'm saying is that we are going to put dc in together by choice. I think they'll love it while they're young and hope it will bring them close. DD will be 3.5 at least when baby is born (ttc at the moment) and baby will be in with us for 6 months.

Living space is more important than sleeping space.

MumNWLondon · 30/12/2010 21:34

I think reasonable if you can have the baby in with your for the first 6-9 months until they are happily sleeping all night. Not fair on the DC for them to be woken in the night.

I think balance between your age, how much space there is (ie is the bedroom big enough for 3 DC, and are you happy to have the baby in with you for a while) and whether/when you will be able to move.

fifitot · 30/12/2010 21:35

How is it unfair to put 3 kids in one bedroom? Loads of people live like this. It is only in recent times that children have started to have their own room.

Can't see a problem with it at all tbh. My DCs will have to share for a while. Granted they might want their own rooms at around 7 or 8 but until then what's the problem, they won't know any different. I shared with my brother until I was 8.

The main issue though is the room in the rest of the house, IMO. I struggle with the toys and baby equipment taking over our small house, we have no spare space at all!