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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have another dc in a 2 bed flat?

202 replies

mamasmissionimpossible · 30/12/2010 20:37

DH and I have been considering having a 3rd DC. We have two dc's who share a bedroom. We currently have a two bedroom flat. Do you think it is unfair to put another dc in the only spare bedroom we have?

I think moving home will be some years off, but I know my fertility is not going to stick around forever and we don't want too large an age gap between the dc's. Our dc's are, ds (5) and dd (3).

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 01/01/2011 21:00

We've got 3 in a 2-bed flat

Yes, we will have to move in the future

No, we can't afford to atm

Were we irresponsible? I don't think so. We are all happy

I can't imagine for a nanosecond being without DC3... in 15yrs time when my conception days are a distant memory I am quite certain I will not be regretting having a 3rd DC. Had we chosen not to - "not enough space" etc - I'm sure I'd be feeling very rueful

textfan · 01/01/2011 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Triggles · 01/01/2011 21:38

textfan, I agree - I wonder if it in some way has to do with our "disposable" ideas now. People used to stay in one house for most of their lives, whereas now they move much more frequently - much less attached to an area or house to stay in it. Not saying it's good or bad, but different. Although to some extent I think this moving about combined with how insular we've all become (fenced gardens and being paranoid about everyone else) has contributed to a much smaller sense of community as well. People live in big houses and don't know their neighbours. Sad, really.

compo · 01/01/2011 21:41

I had my own room and my family are a very close family and look out for each other
I don't think sleeping on sofa beds and pull out beds permanently is good for backs

mamatomany · 01/01/2011 22:54

It's funny isn't it because the friends I have who grew up in Ireland 8 to a bed type of thing all only have 1 child, so maybe whilst it sounds romantic it's actually a bit of a nightmare. Times change and we move with them but especially in bigger families the parents have to be conscientious that each child has it's own property, it's own space and own privacy otherwise you do the individual a disservice at best IMO.

tryingtoleave · 02/01/2011 00:14

We bought a house with a massive garden when I was pregnant with dc1. I thought that gardens were really important for children. But now, five years later, with two dcs, I think we could happily have spent these years in a townhouse. The garden is a real burden - we don't have time or money to maintain it properly. We had drought for years and there was no grass and everything i planted died. Now it has started raining a lot and it is turning into a bug ridden jungle. The children don't play in it unsupervised yet and get bored quickly so we tend to go to parks and pools all the time anyway. I think it might come into its own when the dcs are older but we will probably want to move to a bigger house then anyway.

However, I have a friend who grew up sharing with two sisters and she says it was horrible and she only wants one dc as a result. I think whether you could cope with that situation would depend on how introverted or extroverted you were and you can't know that about your dcs yet.

onceamai · 02/01/2011 05:38

Thought about this more now. Go for another baby - you can't turn the clock back but you can find ways to cope in limited space and better to have enough money for treats and days out and quality of living than for square footage. On another note and this isn't meant as a boast - we have a very large house and two children. I simply adore holidays in two bed cottages where tidying up and finding things is manageable.

montysorry · 02/01/2011 10:28

tryingtoleave, lawn doesn't take that much maintaining. It just needs cutting once a week in summer.

If you don't like your garden then fair enough but I think it's odd that you say you have a 5yr old whom you think is too young to play outside unsupervised. Confused

My 3 have been out unsupervised since they were about 2! Surely this is the norm unless your child has additional needs or you have water in the garden?

lowenergylightbulb · 02/01/2011 10:35

We have 3 kids in moderately sized 3 bedroom. 2 of the kids share (the 'master' bedroom!) and one has the smallest room. We have the middle room. We have small kitchen + 2 reception rooms.

Up until youngest was 3 we lived in a 2 bedroomed flat. TBH if youngest hadn't been a boy we'd have probably stayed and kept our housing costs teeny.

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 11:38

Saying that every child absolutely needs its own room is quite patently not supported by the evidence around the world. Having ones own bedroom as a child is usually due to having money, and lots of it. The vast majority of the worlds children do not have their own rooms, and anyone who thinks it is a necessity is quite obviously wrong, as is looking down on anyone who does not provide same. You are quite welcome to provide that for your own, but you can fuck off judging the rest of us who either can't or won't.

I could as easily ask what on earth is wrong with your family that you all have such a need to get away from each other and not spend time together...but I wouldn't as that would be very rude.

grumpypants · 02/01/2011 11:49

I think, buzz you don't need to worry about being too rude - you appear to have passed that point several posts ago Grin

montysorry · 02/01/2011 11:50

Not really sure if you're talking to me, Buzz but at no point did I say it was a necessity or that it reflected on anyone's parenting.

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 11:59

nope talking to that other one who was banging on about how one must be concientious to give every kid their own space an property and all that shite.

My kids will get their own space and property. When they grow up and earn their own money and buy it for themselves! My DH never had his own bedroom in his parents house, he was sharing with his brothers at 20 and is happy for our boys to share. I can only hope they have the same solid relationships as dh has with his brothers. They will be very lucky. They already are.

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 12:10

Buzz you are entitled to your shite opinion but every family has it's dynamics and as I said I have friends who are from huge Irish families, 8 and 10 children and they have made a decision based on their own experiences if you can only afford for one child to have it's own room, then you have one child.
I'll be taking their advice over yours since they lived through it.

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 12:16

And every family is different, which is what you don't seem to comprehend. Hmm Great sample you have their, a few friends who support your own opinion. Lived through what? What makes you think I haven't? At one point I was in a room with SEVEN of us.
FFS.

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 12:23

Of course I can comprehend it, the OP asked for opinions and I gave mine, I didn't demand she or anyone else do the same.

EdgarAleNPie · 02/01/2011 12:36

i think its perfectly reasonable. its about 2 years before it really becomes an issue spacewise anyway....and who knows where you'll be living then?

i am 4 months into that 2 years....not really a worry.

EdgarAleNPie · 02/01/2011 12:38

i emnjoyed sharing a room with my sister and we sometimes had the baby in with us too.

children are forever - housing is temporary.

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 13:02

"PMSL my children have their own bedrooms, their own room to play and a huge fuck off garden, which probably costs me less than the OP's flat if she's in central London, but my priorities were them above everything else, so their privacy and comfort was considered before we popped out another baby. It's called consideration."

with this comment it sure looked like you were commenting on other peoples choices. Hmm

Whats that sound? Furious backpedalling?

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 13:26

And that was in response to one of your incrediably rude comments. If I cut and paste them all we'll be here all day.
The truth is I genuinely couldn't give a fuck if you live in a rabbit cage.

fatlazymummy · 02/01/2011 13:53

I'm another one who say's 'go for it'. And I did live it, I was one of 5 children in a 3 bedroomed house, I shared with my 2 sisters until I left home. I have 3 children in a 2 bedroom house, they all seem quite happy to me.

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 15:37

and I don't care if you live in a mansion, but you seem to want to boast about your house and "fuck off garden" and belittle people who are less fortunate than you.
Who do you think people are judging to be crass, vulgar, and superior? Not me.

Laquitar · 02/01/2011 15:56

'the truth is i genuinely couldn't give a fuck if you live in a rabbit cage'.

Hmm the truth is you are always on every thread about housing, benefits/income and number of children. You seem very passionate about other people's choices and lifestyle and you use phrases to make them feel shit.

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 15:58

I have put an alternative point of view to the usual, yeah-go-for-it-have-as-many-kids-as- you-like-who-cares-if-you-can-afford-them-and -they -have -no -quality -of -life -or -are -disadvantaged- as -a -result, sometimes popular opinion. It's no mistake that only and eldest children perform better in most researched studies and if you can't do for each child what you can do for the first then you're short changing them IMO.
If you think that's belittling I suspect you aren't quite so confident in your choices as you try to make out.

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 16:00

Nobody can make anyone feel anything Laquitar, end of story.
And yes I do feel passionately that some children are disadvantaged by their own parents it's a bloody shame.